Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Insomniac Dreams


Eagerness and anxiety are two companions who ally themselves unitedly and blow away your sleep. When assisted by your perfectionist traits, they will take you to a different world where you lie clung to what you desire. Everything else seems irrelevant and not of your wants. Things have been going the same way for me. I have turned insomniac since few weeks.  First came the Photoshopic designing opportunities for me and then flowed currents of learning new computer languages aspirations. I successfully managed to conduct the Python’s Online Test for my branch after rigorous discussions with seniors and faculty members of my college. When I was busy preparing for Python, at the same time I had been engaged with my previous projects too. And in those projects I had to consult and re-read those computer languages that have no readily connection with Python. It was important for me to get my hands dirty for the upcoming Python’s test but I was unsuccessful in keeping my mind aside from my previous projects. This is what happens and it has become obvious for me now. My mind adamant says to complete the previous task first and then move on to next. In this conflict of what to do and what not to, my mind rages and sleepiness vanishes.

Well the Python’s test ended “thik-thak” type, but at the end I did realize that I should have concentrated only on my current necessary goal. But it was no good that I could have done then by realizing so. May be it would help in future.
About two weeks back, I went to one of renowned faculty of my college. I explained to him how much I have covered in area of Web Development and Designing. Web Development and Designing is the area that fascinates me a lot and I enjoy doing it. I discussed with Sir what prospects I shall presume for myself with this passion of mine. I didn’t get answers that could have heightened my zeal. I respect the curiosity and care our faculty possesses for us. But one’s passion and desire fail to measure the decisions when taken against them. I did feel that way. I turned sad. It felt as if I have fallen open mouthed on the floor and there is nothing left for me.

Thanks to “TheSocialNetwork”, a movie I watched yesterday. How much change a web developer/programmer can bring in our society was well shown in it. The movie is about how facebook was formed and came into existence. I am highly inspired now. My drown dreams have risen and have started to fly high again.

Mark Zuckerberg, you are not just the inventor of Facebook, but an inspiration for me and for billions other like me too. I am looking for your poster to paste it in my room :D. Your story and hardships have already engraved in my heart. :)

Monday, April 30, 2012

Sweating Creativity


This month of April was a month full of creativity for me. Temperature scale never ceased to harass me; my scalp which is still so itchy and sweaty, never hindered with the creative insights that I proposed throughout this month. Sitting in a room which faces west, that means direct sun rays during afternoon, was never easy and it will continue to be so for the upcoming one and a half month. After that I will move to my new hostel room with commencement of 3rd year of my B-Tech course. I hope GoGo sir will allot me a better room this time.
Well, sharing my summer-season miseries was not the concern. I wanted to express that despite of the cruel season I worked a lot with my creativity and came out with results that seem significant for me at least. This month I tried to design my branch T-shirt, CSE T-shirt, for my juniors. I had never ever designed any clothing before. This was the first time I tried my hands on it.
(Click the design to Enlarge)

Another T-shirts I worked upon were those that my friends asked me to design. They wanted to combat their enemies in Counter Strike matches during our college fest, Frisson 2012, wearing their own team’s T-shirt. So another design came along this way. I was asked to keep the design as simple as possible with only one request that I should provide imprints of their favorite weapon gun on the front side for each individual in the team respectively. “Ok! Fine”, I replied and did the needful.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Whom shall I blame? Yes! I needed to blame someone. Not a single T-shirt design was implemented, neither my branch T-shirt nor my friend’s team T-shirt. I talked with our HOD sir to seek his approval for the branch T-shirt. He made me sentimental by discussing the miseries students create for their parents by wasting money on useless clothing and stuffs. He asked me not to promote such activities and postponed my initiatives. It hurt but I subdued it with smile.
“Lack of time”, my friends blamed time. It was lack of time that prevented them from not getting my design printed on T-shirts. 


Its Ok!… I consoled myself. But still, I did come up with logos and banners for my facebook groups and pages. I did implement my designs there. Well I am the administrator that’s why no one raised questions on my doing so :D.
I am still looking forward for channelizing my burning creative insights which is resulting into a state of insomnia for me. This shall be the content of my next blog post. I will try to get some sleep right now anyhow…


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Conversation




My smiles you read
My eyes you don’t
Serenity in my calmness you find
Turbulence in my peace you don’t
My words you listen
Meanings in them you don’t.

In my words
Truthfulness lies
You hide truth’s identity
Drag them into disguise
You try to wake me up
Still in sleep I lie.

“It’s a pillow”, you say
Someone’s lap I see
With warmth of love
I rest my head
There roam few fingers
“It’s silk beneath”, you say.

“You are my friend”, I say
I help you in need
Pray for your good indeed
You succeed
You taunt me hard and leave
When my honesty you need
I see you back
“You are my friend”, you say.

Remember?
You said, “My time is mine”
But I give mine to you
I learn for me
And work for you
No name for me
All fame for you.

“Fall in love again”, you say
Even kinship I forbid
New wounds they give
Healed stiches untie
It’s pain I see
“No Blood”, you say.

If you can, set me free
From my memories
They kill me softly
I can’t revolt
And awake myself from them
You call memories your life
“It will cause my death”, I say

Please, let me know
When dawn comes
Fireball will burn me down
And my cursed entities
My uniqueness you call them
“Grounds for my frustration”, I say.


Friday, April 20, 2012

Vividity






Few things I don’t see. Eyes work and brain responds too; but still few things intimidate me, deceive me and offer challenges not true. Lines in my book I read, but meanings I incarnate make my heart glue, even the story characters I misjudge and climax the end forcibly not true. But I don’t draw back, I continue…
I impose faith on imposters blurred in my visions. They are pickpockets, but love in their caresses I guess. Their shrewdness I appreciate, their words fly me high and to land back on ground I don’t get any modes true. Appreciation I give to them, or is it delusion I bathe in?
I conjecture my journey is on a car, the car that would drive me happy. Relaxation on my face seems visible, even though the car tank remains empty.
But I don’t draw back, I continue…






The time tides me with ups and downs and makes me aware of what lied inside the crown. I slow down; I realize how I have come along. This was not what I had proposed, certainly not which I always disposed. 
Story in my book seems to be waste; characters in vain and their roles with no tastes. Their ends seem not possible; just a pile of pages with scribbling of an untamed writer. 
People are jealous, they misguide me. They don’t wish to see me reach my goal.
And why I am still on this car? I chose the wrong car; probably it was never meant for me. On a cart of perplexity rather, I am on a journey that was meant to drive me insane with its fuel tank nearly empty. I stop, and reverse my path…


Experiences shower on me, make me bright and cheer me colorful. But I get matured and low on energy. I realize that things were just made for me. My eyes saw them good and brain traced them true, I realize. 
Even the incarnated meanings were true and so were characters in my story book. The best climax I could have seen if I continued to read, I realize. 
People were good too, they tried to understand me and helped me with the best they could have done. I should have offered them respect, I realize.
The car was perfect for me and happiness was true. I should have traversed few miles more, fuel station was near. My journey could have completed if I never looked back. I regret, I realize…




Monday, April 16, 2012

Forget Me Not



"You are in my every wish. Your essence lies in every prayer that I make. In the ocean where I am drowning alone, tears with your names in them lie blended. The rising tides and falling health doesn’t disassemble my love, my love for you. You still pulsate in my veins with a rhythm that has always fascinated me. The deepness in your eyes still overpowers my visions and prevents me to face the reality; the reality, in which your fingers don’t fill spaces between mine; the reality, which you chose to gift me with. And in this reality too, mirrors reflect me as the one which I used to be years back. Only innocence I have lost, my child in me I have lost…Our child we have lost."


"I don’t blame you, I blame me. I blame the God who diverted our paths in a way that our journey became different. I blame the flowers that sucked our emotions from us. I blame that jealous breeze which couldn’t synchronize with the melody that our conversations used to bring. I blame that rainbow which shied from the vibgyor our smiles created together after we ended our quarrels. And I blame those every moment which envied me and fought with me, carried away you so far; so far that I am afraid to consider if we will ever meet again." 


"This day owns a snap of yours in me, in a corner of my heart which is invincible. My lifeline runs through those veins whose walls have impressions of that snap. The air I breathe circulates and preserves your belongings inside me. I continue to live for I have promised few memoirs that I will make things better; those things that weren’t at place earlier which made us part. I have to contemplate; I have to succeed those paths I wasn’t aware of earlier. Your lost possessiveness for me gives me strength, and I move on. I move on to be a man that you would have thought I must be. And I pray for your wellbeing, for your happy sun gleaming. This day is special for me, because you were meant to be a part of me…always!"




-An Imaginary Cloud's note that was dying to burst

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Eternal Beauty



I admire the beauty if it exists, which would depict an inheritance of my individuality, amidst my blanked out identity; a kind that belongs to me, an accomplice to my soul's anatomy.
Like the pearls shine, white and pure, still unnoticed, subdued in disdain, my beauty lies coated.
I wait, with pains stitched through patience; I don’t bleed like the pearls don’t sweat.
I wait; someday a soul mate will come to plow the sand dunes, to take away the pearls that lie on the way. Then I will be sculptured near someone’s heart, like the pearls will necklace around with love.

I admire the beauty if it exists, which would let me see even when there prevails the darkest dark.
Like the fireflies blink, some far and some near, a timid melody blinks my mind and says a beauty stand by me. I look; with thrills sailing in my veins, drums percussing on my chest, I search the truth in twilight.
I look through my open window, where fluorescence enters and fills emptiness in my eyes. And there I witness a beauty in disguise.

Why a beauty hides in disguise? Why not it pulsates and waves its original vibes? For if beauty is veritable, why doesn’t it finds its accomplice. Why it remains lost and hitches in hands of dust. The extent of hitches has furthered its boundary. My every lookup, every searching ends at obscured vicinity. I lie dormant with no trace for my pair.

Now I want to announce that beauty doesn’t exist. But my heart foolish throbs for it; few impressions of illusions lie forged on the walls. Like the pearls burn in heat under the weight of sand dunes, I glow in flames driven by hopes in my eyes. I want to end my hopes too. But still...
Still, when the heat around churns to near death, snoring thunder in sky reminds of beauty in rains.
And then evokes admirations for a soul mate, who will wash away the heat, and pick up the pearls. I will be sculptured too near someone’s heart, like the pearls will necklace around with love...
                                                                                       
                                                                                        ....And the search for eternal beauty continues

Friday, March 30, 2012

Take Me Away



Take me away with you
Where warmth of the sand lies
Amidst stillness of lake blue
Where fishes dance
And birds romance
In their songs of enduring verity
They gift me a heart reincarnated

Take me away with you
Where smiles flourish with fruits
Morality manifolds
And circles in roots
Where wind breezes
Stormy undulations exist no longer
Where symphony soothes
Thunder ceases and showers splendor.

Take me away with you
Where my childhood lies
Down the memory lane
Materialized notes again arrive
And in them I could be free
With purity in my soul
My voice would be clean.

Take me away with you
Where all my dreams lie dew
Homes lovely fairies of goodness
My grandma called them true
I want to live and see the goodness
That I never felt
That I never knew.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

An Engineered Snap

I wanted to be an Engineer…But I couldn't get a reputed college. :(
Engineering is one of the most sought branches of education that Indian students prefer. And from the state where I belong to, Bihar, it’s a culture there to dream about getting into IITs, right from the time when students are in their secondary school level classes. But due to huge cutoff of marks, from some reservation related disheartening pricks and because of few cases of bad luck, dreams don’t turn into reality, and such dreams get homed in million hearts with a forget me not note. I happened to be one of them who have faced this. But IITs can never be the ultimate destination. The talent and capabilities you gather through studying Engineering is what the ultimate destination is.

What you had thought? Engineering is going to be so easy?
Once you get into an Engineering college, your hard time starts. The time gets hard because students turn cruel towards themselves, towards their dreams. A stay away from home, with cheers from friends and handful cigarettes with brownish ends, they tip toe on the path they assume to be amusing. With few more inputs, rises addiction; new areas of conversation, new heights of incision. Grooming yourself the right way among such a culture which gallantly exists in Engineering Colleges can be hectic. But it’s a task you must accomplish. Apart from this, other major bullets fired on students comprise from the gun of ‘Time Management’. You need to do loads of things – Classes, Practicals, Projects, Presentations, Assignments, Movies, Outings, Counter Strike matches, Love-Affairs and innumerable other things too. And if you still get some time left from 24 hours well, then you self-study.  Cruel time span when ill managed, it curses students very bad. :( Life inside, when looked from outside, always look magnificent. But the inside story is totally different. If you are an Engineer or an Engineering student then you would be knowing this very well. :P

You must get to know me…Warna main aathon semester tak tumhara jeena haram kar dunga…

You do whatever you like. You can also afford not to study and get few backs in some semester papers. But kindly never get into any kind of trouble with any of your college’s professors/lecturers. :D
This is the first proposition that you must know before you enter into an Engineering college. If you consider not to follow this regulation, then very soon you will get know the setbacks in one way or the other. It is proven and tested formula. :D

Life is full of fun and learning too...
Keeping the bad things aside, let’s look the bright side of life in an Engineering college. The four years will sweep out like the sand escapes from your grip. Lot many numbers of mistakes you will realize and they will form learning and experiences for you. Jerks and shocks make you walk on edgy rocks. Moments of fun do come; may be huge, or maybe it could be some. But at the end of four years I am sure that you will make a collage; a collage of fun you had, not the hardships you faced.

I am going to make a collage too when I end my fourth year. I am still in the middle of my journey; two more years are yet to go. I wish to live my life to the fullest here. :)