Sneaky Tales : Rejection

I always wake up, and my breath becomes heavy. As of now, I am still feeling heavy, as tattered notes from the last dream come across my mind. And for past four years, waking up, and facing the reality has actually hurt. The cold realization, that I am still there, from where everyone else moved away, sets inside me slowly. I am not fond of waking up. And I tend to sleep, even when I am not asleep. Waking up from your dreams, and waking up from your sleep, I take these two things separately. I have set my own ways of treatment with them.

I am afraid, but optimistic locutions don’t impress me. Whenever I have tried to apply them, they have lead me to nowhere but lost away in vain. Why do people greet the day with smiles? Are they escaping from the simple truth? Today is a cold reminder. It’s one day later than yesterday, one year later than last year. And sooner or later, the destined one will come. But I dare not express these. I need to polish myself each day, so that I may not yell out everything that I have kept inside.

I have been a heap of thoughts and convicted feelings that bring me rejection. Rejection has been a part of my life, and I faced it more than acceptance. The one writing this is the real one. It takes me sometime, each day, to turn what I am in front of people. It takes courage to hide the storm inside you. And once you have spilled out the storm, you ruin your relationships. I have ruined mine. I have untied all the knots that used to bind me. People won’t like to get drenched in your stuffs that don’t suit them.

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I am a Foodie

Yeah! I am a foodie. But then, I wasn’t. When I was a kid, my mom used to rush around me, following me wherever I ran, with lunch plate in her one hand, and spoon in the other. I didn’t like to eat. Actually I loved junk foods, but mom never served them to me. Health conscious, you know. As I grew up, I fathomed my field of tastes. I found I was restricted within my favorites and never stepped out of them. This could be the reason, why I was thinner.

When I was in Kota, it was the time, when I turned foodie. I ate exceedingly, and it reflected through inflation of my tummy. But I didn’t care. Nice food, nice people around who encouraged my food habits. This was what I loved the most. You eat what you like, and people around you support that too. Rajasthan is famous for the spicy food you get there. I was paying guest to a Rajasthani family, and I enjoyed my stay there; my taste buds awake always with every spices they added.

Today, when I am living in hostel, I feel once again as if my field of tastes in food has turned limited. We get tremendously bad quality food here. Consequently, I have lost my senses to what food tastes like when I am eating. I am eating here just to keep myself alive. I have lot to study, and I haven’t met a girlfriend yet. So keeping myself fit, and active with this quality of food is challenging.

*Click on Photo to Enlarge*

Being a foodie is one thing, and knowing how to cook is another. I learnt to cook something worth to eat while I was staying with my friends, during the previous semester end. I was exposed to their style to living. And I learnt how to survive with whatever we get easily around us. I mean vegetables and eggs; that make lives of bachelors easy. :P
The pic above is a collage of various pics I snapped while my friends were at work. I was involved too, but I was keener on capturing frames with my newly bought cam. :)

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Sneaky Tales: The Storm

The wind was gravely chilling. I felt like moving no more. Wrecked at my knees, short of air in my lungs, I was drawing myself into state of Hypothermia. I remember the stress I exerted to bow down and sit, rest for a while under an icy shed. The storm had wiped out everything from my vision. Sands were overrated. Just like tiny little rocks. It was only here where I built our castle. Sands were smooth then, and lighter. In the blurred vision, only one figure was precise; a lonely girl in orange. Her bare feet had trailed a name. Shipra!

Her first glimpse asserted I could meet someone; someone who would be like me. I had always guessed chances of that happening were diminished. And so were they. The storm was needed to uncover the true face. And I was struck in middle of that storm. How long the icy shed will sustain standing, I will calculate with number of days left in my life, or may be hours. My skin which was ripped out weren't bleeding. A part of storm had entered inside me. Everything was freezing; outside me, and inside me.

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Cinema: Luna! Mon Amour

Are you also an admirer of art in movies like I am? I am here talking about mainstream movies, not documentaries which despite of being powerful at its composition lie unreached from its audience, most of the times. I have no genre specified for movies. I prefer each one at times, depending on what mood permits. But yes, I have set a criterion, and I never watch a movie with IMDB rating less than 6.5.

Day before yesterday, I watched ‘La Teta y la Luna’. It’s a Spanish movie directed by Bigas Luna. Though, the story you might find too much provocative and explicit, but the tenderness that the director has weaved through his stitches in the story is out of this world. A child’s perspective to what adults will consider agitated thoughts of obscenity has been painted on the moving canvas with enormous care. It’s never the topic of adultery that makes a movie worth for adults only but the disgraceful indulgence into one’s fantasies that might disturb the norms we have set in our society. Can you imagine if one of such fantasy can appear intensely innocent, so pure to you ever?  I have come across it through this movie. I was just speechless till the end.
The start of the movie, which unpacks Mathilda May, the actress in the lead role out of a gift box, is center of attraction throughout the movie. The story revolves around her, and a cute little boy, Tete, whose molars are yet to come out. Tete is unhappy with his newly born brother, and considers him to be as ugly as a demon is. You will need to watch the movie at your own risk to know why that was so… :D

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The Ebook Library

Books are the major source of knowledge. Whatever your course may be, how big, how small, it doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the knowledge that we need to acquire in order to get ourselves going in it. I am an Engineering student; my field of study is Computer Science. Being a geeky chit-chatter on web, and as a mindful student of technology, I keep myself attached with upcoming technologies. Not a single day passes when I don’t get to know something new on the web. Newsletters from various sites that I have subscribed to, keep gathering in my inbox. Thanks to almost never ending space that Gmail has been providing us with. Sometimes I overlook some messages; however I try not to miss any of them. Delay may be, but I try to make out some time to go through them. Interest of such a kind, and a thirst to conquer excellence, keeps me awake. Surrounded with books that I wish to read some day, expecting that day to near soon, I keep thinking; innovating. These days, YouTube video tutorials have been of great help to me. I would like to thank few of my online gurus, like EliTheComputerGuy and Bucky at thenewboston. Their youtube channels taught me a lot.

“Mam! I was wondering if I could get that HTML 5 book, by Oreilly, GooglePress”.
“Really? Do we have that book in library”, our librarian asked.
“Yes mam! We do have. I just saw its reading copy above. Please do help me by issuing me that book”, I requested her.
“Let me see. Ok you do one thing, come next week, I will keep a copy ready for you to be issued”, she asserted throwing a smile at me.
I am no miser at throwing smiles as well. “Thanks mam! I will be here next week”.

Actually ebooks are like blessings for IT guys like us. We can’t manage to purchase every book, even though they are important. Downloading them through net and turning pages electronically is also turning a habit now. I wish the habit to get permanent soon. It would be a boon for me. But still, contemporary reading style and ease drives us towards paper editions of books. And this very thought stepped my foots towards library that I rarely visit.

“Mam! As you said, I am here after one week. Would you please issue me HTML 5 book, the one that I had asked you for?”
“HTML? Here is one book, it’s on HTML as well”, she replied.
“But Mam, I want HTML 5. Its older version of HTML, version 4, the one that I studied when I was in class Xth. I am in 3^rd year of Btech at present”, I replied politely.
“Arrey! Version 4, version 5 sab ek hi hai, grab this one otherwise someone else would get it issued”, she asserted as if she knows everything about that book.
“Thank you very much mam! I think I won’t issue that book. Thanks again.”

Lack of resources in your engineering college will pinch you throughout your stay at the college. If you get placed in campus placement drive, these feeling will mold them in certain different dimension. And if you are in some private college like I am in, lack of resources actually turns depressive. At least books should be provided adequate in number and of sufficient variety. Just putting a reading copy for the reading room is of no gain. Neither can I clarify my needs; neither can they impress me on what they have.
Ebooks are the only choice that I am left with. Dark spots around my eyes may be consequent effect, but I have no other choice. I have built a virtual library on my laptop. It bears massive collections of ebooks and total size occupied is about 21.8 gb; still increasing. :D

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Footmarks

 

Strolling down the streets has turned a habit. New faces carrying distinct story behind them swivels across me. I tend to escape, I tend not to allude.  I wander to fetch something that I lost long way back. Last road bend and the diversion had already behaved strangely. It deluded me to a secluded traversal path that even the demon didn’t bother to sculpture on anyone's fortuned engravings.

I am searching if my story intersects somewhere with someone’s. Someone’s strange might mingle with stranger mine and we would wander together, in the lonesome streets; sometimes greener and sometimes derelict. Footprints and scribbling on the rocks give me power to move on. For I know through them, that someone made their way through it. Did they succeed? I shall walk till the finals to know if their exists scribbling on some rocks there too.

I will throw some initials. I will leave impressions on trunks to make the path easy for the followers. My footprints will be large and clearer.  I look back to confirm, no one I see. May be they will be lost somewhere. If their story intersects with mine, my left impressions will simplify the puzzle. 

Time has been ticking….each drop falling swiftly, trailing down the cheeks. Purest form, but insanity along and my footmarks are moving towards the finals.

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The Photo frame

The frame allures,

Windowed bafflement oarlocks me

Sick shredded stitches bothers again

And bespeak our love alive.

Your eyes were my dearest

Chasteness! 

With astuteness of ocean

Chaplets of sparkles existed,

Adored with passion in your eyes.

My hand blockades before the frame

But how would my heart?

Your fingermarks perch there;

They are costliest, I dare not botch.

I only entice to your call;

The call you make through the frame.

And your eyes clout me

In your lonesome photo I have.

Out of my clutches,

Memories are mellowed on the photo frame.

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The Friendship Day| 2012

The first Sunday of August, and I thought it to be a regular Sunday, until the time I opened Facebook. Yes the tagging day, the friendship day you call it. Keep juggling with your friend’s emotions throughout the year and on this day bouquet them your love, showing how much depth you have in your friendship.
This friendship day had certain distance bought for me. I already have very few people around me whom I consider to be trust worthy. I am very miser in creating friends. I fear to get betrayed and so I keep myself away from the causes that lead to betrayal. However, even after the cautious measures, my foot slips sometimes.

I thought I can blow away what happened yesterday, and proposed a soulful dawn for myself. I didn’t know that the dusk trails aren’t over for me yet. Few may proclaim that you need to move on. I do too. But I don’t have enough courage that Mr. Thomas Alva Edison had with himself to face 1000 failures before achieving success. There might be confusion on how I am relating Edison with my situation, but somewhere inside me I think I am right by comparing myself with him. I look around; find people on the internet that got to face circumstances that I have been facing now. I relate myself with them and try to figure out the best possible way to keep myself encouraged, moving, as I don’t want to stop. I have miles to go. I really don’t want to stop.

Things will turn out this way, I hadn’t thought. If I had sensed even a minute bit of this earlier, I would have stopped right then. I can’t scribble more. I learnt something. I learnt the difference between illusion, delusion and world around me at present. These three things often mingle together and delude our point of view, our conception. Bearing false conception which is likely to dishearten in near future should be prohibited. Thinking positive is something different. And I do support this. It is like; I don’t support people who think they can refill the toothpaste tube back with the paste that they eased off from it.
We must think, judge ourselves and our point of interests before we start considerations with them. These points of interests range from materialistic things to people alive and dead. We must not throw a blind faith on anyone.

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The Envelope

I was sleeping softly. My mom had dozed me off with one of her godly stories. I don’t remember how far I listened. I just remember what I dreamt of next. A wonderland, with supreme divinity all around; luscious petals and droplets covering their surfaces, were showering on my face. I can still smell that beauty. The light around suddenly became so bright that I had to close my eyes with my tiny little palms, but this didn’t cease my smile. Someone’s warm hand I felt which tried to get hold of my hands. I opened my eyes, offering him my both palms. His face hid the bright light coming from behind; I couldn’t see his face.
“Are you God?” I asked.
“I am a part of you”, came the reply, with depth in his voice.
“I need you” I remember what I had asked.
“And so do I”, his voice asserted.
“I am in search of my baby sister. My mom won’t let me go out and find her. Can you find her for me?” I questioned him.
I don’t remember what he said. I guess he didn’t say anything. I just saw the bright light fainting. A circular icy drop seemed to roll off from above, and landed on my nose. The drop sprinkled, I smiled. I knew he would help me.

…

I am 21 years old now, still the single child to my parents. Those intense and realistic dreams still incur persistently. I live them as if they are real, but in between I need to wake up. My mom continues to have faith in God. And she considers me his favorite child.

…

I spent my childhood as per the story I wrote for myself. I was led by my own creation of mind, something that I weaved out from my dreamland and believed them to be real. My mom knew that I wanted a sister. I often used to hold her by her hands and run towards TV whenever a cute little baby was there.
“Mom! When will my sister come?” I asked innocently.
“Arey ayegi beta”, she solaced me. She explained me again, that I was God’s favorite child and he had already witnessed my wish.
“He is going to surprise you soon son”, she jolted my head, and threw a smile. And then there was no limit to my happiness.

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Satisfaction

How confusing even the planned schema results into. An apple pie I ought to buy, but land feasting sweet corn soup. Its blue I love, and propose to get a new T-shirt in blue, but often finalize it for green. How environment affects sustainability is remarkable. And I am facing it. People I look around, along the corridor of my newly allotted hostel room, potpourri I find; not just with their activities but in terms of their wishes and aims. Aims have no limit, the higher you set it, the higher you work for it. Else just assembling your aims and worshiping them is worth nothing. 

I don’t know people out there are right or not, but they do carry a reasonable explanation for whatever they think of; for whatever their aim is to do after Engineering. Earlier I used to think that deciding the field of study after class Xth is the most crucial decision to make. I was wrong. There is still lot of important decisions to make regarding what to do after our Engineering gets completed. Amount of mentation people lay during the course of Engineering towards their future planning is just unfathomable. I had a clear vision of what I want and what I am working for. But sustainability seems to have gone affected by newly created surrounding here.

I never knew about those research options and institutes that they discussed about. Neither did I figure out what exactly is needed to get there. Probably they didn’t have the answer too. But their explanations were impressive. But I am confused if I am really impressed. Why would I go for research? I have dreamt of working like a workaholic in a higher software firm. Why should I considerate myself by their explanations? Preventing myself and trying to escape from the reality, I blame human nature to be the defaulter. Human has a tendency to get into believing something very soon. And with certain substantiation it becomes a truth for them easily. I think I am a human too.  

Among all irregularities in choices that one makes, among all foliated conceptions that lead an individual on a certain path, there is always one thing common: the end should be above satisfaction. But then, other than this, there is also another important factor that appraises your degree of satisfaction. Had you taken the path that ‘you’ wanted, to reach the ultimate? Were the perceptions 'your own' that you had scribbled permanently inside the real you, to get the ultimate? I still emphasize that self-satisfaction is the most crucial thing. And it is the ultimate goal that we run for. And the penultimate moral I slurped inside is :  there still lies satisfaction in facing the defeat which was by ‘your own’ choice, and not molded by 'others'.

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Fraudulent!

I have always been wondering, and often questioning myself about the significance of registration that our college arranges at the start of every semester. You miss the first allotted date for it and you will be compensating it with a fine of Rs 100 and uncountable other hassles. I kept thinking about it, deceiving myself by conferring this regulation as necessary and required while I headed towards auditorium today. I waited quite long in order to submit feedback form that is another unimportant thing that we need to do as one of the procedure to this registration. I regretted of having it done. My juniors were quite helpful there by providing feedback form slips for free which means I could have got my work done if I consulted them instead of legally queuing myself up. It ended, and so did my condolence against my conceptions. Registrations like these have no meanings. Yes I agree with what Mr. Shiv Khera has been consistently telling me to do through his book, which is about thinking positively about everything that goes around you. I agree! But I disagreed it today. I tried to think positive but cons won. Really, I still think that registration like this in our college has no meaning and no importance at all. If this is so important then it is advisable for our college to get this done online. I guarantee, they won’t make this happen ever. Monetary advantages through fines on later dates can never be curbed here in our college. On the contrary, if they agree to start procedures online, I am ready to program the webpage for them :D. And that too for free!!! :P 

I wonder again. How much more time would be with us to stay at home, if we could register the crap online. Internet is already full of loads of crap; added one more won’t disturb the balance :D. And then it would be bearable too for us. This is what I think. A different fella from our college, quite serious about attending classes and having falsely built trust on college management will disagree with me somewhere. I don’t know. May be he/she would disprove me everywhere, on every note that I ringed. But who cares! Only one think I care is to add something to what a general theory is about building a positive attitude. Let me cite an example which will make things clearer. You may assume that you are homeless but still quite positive about that. Is it worth? Wont it be nice if you effort to build a home for yourself, keeping your attitude sound and your facet positive? I think the latter is going to work much better.

Well I would love to know what my friends think about this. And what significance they think is coming out from contemporary open cheating procedures on us…  

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Caterpillar Tread

I was away for the sake of studies. I have always been away for my studies. And this semester, I didn’t even go back my home. It was for the sake of my studies. I am in a position where I can’t judge if living away from home is worth exchangeable with something. Because there is something so worth that you get living close to your family, with your mom and dad. I had recently had this sacrifice by not going home. This was for the sake of my studies.

Although I continued to live happily being among with some of my close friends, but then, there was something missing. It was kind of less salt in my daily food. It’s not that I literally take too much of salt in my food. It is just an expression I want to express. Less of salt, and I am not enjoying it. This prevailed and I continued to be hauled. I did learn, I did smile, I did enjoy. But I hauled. This was for the sake of my studies.

I have a tendency to get attached to things very soon. It doesn’t means literally getting glued to something. Rather I want to satire on myself. I develop sentimental feelings towards all those things that get around me. Earlier I used to hate my hostel. I had loads of complains of varied forms. While I was away, I realized how much I missed it. How much of dirt bits I missed which were somewhere pearls for me. Two years I have spent till now in my college’s hostel. And in these two years I have learned how to live alone. What is my own stand against people, what I like and what I don’t, and many things more. I have got to know myself here. What I am, is what I be in my hostel. Elsewhere it seems its not me. After the semester exams were over, I had to leave. But I didn’t go home. I lived with my colleagues. This was for the sake of my studies.

Now nearly after one month, our hostel has reopened. And I was the first to step in. I arrived here one week earlier and was waiting for the warden to allot me my new room, asking him every now and then that when he will be doing so. I owe tons of thanks to him as he allowed me to stay in hostel without any hassle even when all hostels were closed officially. Today I shifted to my new room. I am sitting by my window, enjoying the view, typing like a maniac. But then I recall, I have my Java tuition class today. I need to stop this crap here. This is for the sake of my studies.

Image Courtesy: Google Image Search

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Smiles :)

Smiles are treasures that have its stretches in between edges of our lips. But the impressions it can lay is unfathomable. A mood setter or flowery ambience creator I should say, but the terminology can’t be better defined, it can be felt on our every lively cell. This is what the action smile refers to. Rather than just being an emotion, it is like an intervention which focuses blooming. And the blooming refers fondness; the fondness of something, anything or it could be just nothing. Smile is an emotion that interposes bad times and good times. There is no obligation for smiles. On the contrary, it’s a saving plus income you do without any necessary taxes against them. Benefits are innumerable. Results are colorful.

Will it be right if I compare smiles with Holi? Holi is an Indian festival, a festival of colors. Splatter and plunge others in colors, and in process we get drenched in them too. Showering smiles is a festivity where you color others and get colored yourself indeed. A token that says more than many words has been coined in smiles. Do share it and you will prosper.  

Emotions are guided by what you get to see through. May be you would be at ease or maybe you will crave for making your living go at ease. In either of the cases your emotions will trail accordingly. Here I don’t infer that you will show them explicitly. You may, you may not. But smiles are above all of your emotions. Rather it should be your religion.
Think it my way and every other person you will come across will be like you, of your religion.  

Photographed by: Anshul Gautam

Written for We Have A Story

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fotographia

Surprised! With strangeness in my eyes, I wonder how a scene could get missed from my naked eyes that a camera sees playfully. I play around with my cam, capturing in my frames the world, trying to make them appear as I want them to be. Same subject, different angles to grab the best shot I practice. Few tweaks on camera controls and slight knowledge of physics can do wonders to your frames.

While I was editing one of my photos, I got struck in a thought. To me, why the real world doesn’t impress me and but its portrayal in captured frames does. Is it so because I don’t want to see the real world? Or is it so because I have accustomed my eyes to a different world that being a false replica of the real one, with finer bits of added creativeness by a sight seer, has turned out to be more appealing and as per my wants. I start believing that the world in captured frames is the real one but it is just a diversion that I have created for myself to escape from reality. I am confused over what the answer to this should be but I know that truth is stranger than fiction. Moreover, I also wonder how easier the life would have been if we could mold the world the way we want them to be with certain possible limits to it. It should have been like the way we post process our snapped photos on computers in order to give them a finish that we missed in the actual shot. Few strokes of healing brushes, some resizes, color tuning and we are done… This is what I see through frames of viewfinder in my camera. Frames of my spectacles hurt me.

I have shutter speed and aperture control on my cam. I can control how much external light should come and fall on its sensor. I can even use faster shutter speeds to pause a fast ongoing event. Readjusting my spectacle frames, I rethink what controls we have got to mold and control the effects that the real subjects have on us? Many say that it’s us who decide how much we get affected from outside world and mold change in it as well. I never contradict on this but support this as an exaggeration.

I dare not to change my subjects. I just change my angle with respect to the subject and accordingly I need to validate my composition. I adjust my cam’s depth of field as removing every unwanted subject from the large field of view is not possible.

If I don’t blur the major reality, my minor subject will tend to go unnoticed.

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Stepping Stones

It rained yesterday here in Durgapur. Blisters that prevailed due to consistent heat and coagulated inflictions tried to wash themselves away. It felt soothing. Sometimes roaring harsh wind uplifts you the best. Hiving in closeness, playing romance on guitar is not always the obvious solution for repose. Hard Rock does play an important role wherever the former lags behind. I realized it yesterday. It felt soothing.

I am in third year of my B-Tech course now. Two days ago, I became a pre-final year student. And with this, more indulgent sprouts of anxiety and sense of responsibilities have started taking place in my mind and heart. Keeping the anxiety till the sphere of brain is acceptable. Its plunderage on walls of the heart is not. And other than this, I have been continuously grooming myself, trying to bring out the most uncommon in me, keeping the rest common ones in me intact and stabilized.

I have been with my roommate since first year. Persistent problems couldn’t make it possible this year and I will be having a new roommate now when the semester starts after the break. Sort of predicament I was in, because I build up closeness and intimacy quickly and much strongly. Everybody doesn’t do so; but I do. Consequently I alienate myself. After all I neither own the lock, nor the key. I am just a user till my authenticity as a user is carried over by the programmer. My scope and lifetime is not controlled by myself. Situations and needs dictate over this.

While returning from my Java class yesterday, still then it was raining, I noticed streams of dust, coagulated together, floating on the inundated silent road. I thought, how long are they going to last together? How long will they continue to be loyal and intimate for each other? Situations and needs dictate over this, I contemplated. Even though it’s pinning, I tried to accept it as soothing. 

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Morning Reflections

Since the beginning, the time when I started blogging, I have written many posts concerned with friendship. What binds it, what unwinds it, how hurting it can be, how much centralized it should be; I don’t know in what post I emphasized which aspect of friendship but yes, I did, may be on different concerns and in different contexts. I keep collecting experiences and my learning from them keeps going on. I blog about them as my blog is my heart, the place where my feelings reside. I don’t want my experiences to escape from my heart and so they are here, on my blog.

I have seen that the in friendship circle, people I gave much importance to have always resulted into a being which should not be given even a penny of trust, not even a blot piece of bread. And for those people for whom I rarely collected any attention have contributed to me a lot in terms of solicitation and regard. Even if you get to know this theory, you can’t ascertain it soon. It takes time and circumstances to highlight the hidden aspects that keep faces covered under the shadow of disguise.

Love them who love you, but regard with respect to all. Try to judge people with what they do and not with what they pretend to do. I would also like to point that don’t just cling to your limited circle rather expand it further because anytime you may feel that you never belonged to that circle and probably your place was somewhere else. Very recently I faced this and now I regret why didn't I leave my circle earlier. Why didn’t I form another circle with those people who were like me, who would do what I liked to do and without pretending anything that they never do…

I have subscribed to few of Google’s SMS channel services and from there I received an SMS few days back. And it was as follows:
“Every struggle in your life has shaped into the person you are today…
Be thankful for the hard times, for they have made you stronger.”

I think this SMS should have been more precise with this post if I say it like
“We should be thankful to every friend of us who betrayed and allowed us to struggle on our own. They have actually made us more stronger.”

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Songs, Bands, Hype and me...

Hype created during fest is still alive in our college campus. More than a week now it has been, but still the mood is flavored with tunes set by Underground Authority band and renowned new face as a singer, Vineet. Personally, I had enjoyed Underground Authority band more as compared to Vineet. The reason is not obvious; nowadays I prefer energizer rather than those songs that set me off. Romantic music sets me off. Rocking DK Bose sweeps it away. And the band did that very well.

Ever since the start of preparation for fest, Frisson 2012, I was keenly observing practice sessions of my friends who were to perform in cultural events. I was coordinator in the committee and had pretty bulk of tasks too. But throughout I was attached with some of our college bands in one way or the other, not as a practitioner but as a coordinator. I have turned very much inclined towards rock music now as a result. New aspirations to sprinkle my vibes through strings of guitar have taken their place in my veins. I am not sure if I will excel in it too, but I enjoy thinking about it at least…

Today we had an Alumni meet, Samaagam 2012 at our college auditorium. I was sleeping high, when Satnam bhaiya knocked on my door and asked me to rush into auditorium as fast as possible. The event was aimed to bring alumni of our college, scattered all over now, back into college, under the clouds of nostalgia for them and to present before us our seniors who have excelled from the platform where we are at present. Share of experiences with suggestions for improvement for forthcoming batches were the objectives. This meet was the first event of this kind ever in our college’s history and I think it is really a nice initiative which our Director sir himself promoted. Today was the first day for the Meet which had few performances of dance, singing which I didn’t enjoy much, while the remaining of performances will be tomorrow, on the second and final day of Samaagam. Today Mr. Soumyakanti sir and his band rocked me hard. His performance on Raghu Dixit’s ‘Hey Bhagwan mujhko tu, zindagi dobara de’ was just awesome. His performance has ignited my wish to learn guitar even further.

The first thing I did after I returned back to hostel was to download that Raghu Dixit’s song. The song has powerful lyrics which will move you away. I am here sharing a link of that song from youtube. I am just repeating that song over and over again in my playlist and proclaiming in my dreams if I could also learn guitar… :D

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Girls-Oh-Mania (Part I)

How do you feel when you are walking alone and a girl passes by you, surrounded by her male well-wishers, whom you often consider to be her beloved, throwing a glance on you. You do try to look into her eyes but soon you dismantle your attention and turn your glance away :P. This is what happens most of the times with a student in his college life...Share how do you feel in your comments.

I think the first thing to strike in one’s mind will be, “what the hell do I lack that I am still alone?” Well, may be the girl would be somehow engaged in some other way too with those guys and not by the way we think them to be oftenly. I am on a different track and I have different propositions about it. India has been under a trend which emphasizes Women Empowerment. I am quite low on statistics and realistic facts on a country basis may not be present with me. But so far I had been here in my college and as per the situation I have seen here; I can gallantly announce that goals have been achieved. :D

And achievement has been so intense that Women empowerment has surfaced top and male counterparts now lie on the brink with their rights in vain. Semester’s internal marks, faculties’ attention and care, your best friend’s concern and even Egg Roll wallah’s priority goes to girls. Today I was forcibly made to wait 10 minutes extra just because three young and pretty girls arrived there; first year students probably. I thought since I had been there first, I would be given service first too. I was wrong. When the roll was prepared, I extended my hands to take it, while the biased Egg Roll wallah brought his hands towards one of those girls. I retraced, while other two girls laughed. And they giggled. Finally when my turn came, I ascertained it by querying him twice if it did belong to me. Things have been going on this way everywhere for me.

While returning back to hostel, I saw three boys accompanying a girl. One of them was my branch mate who lied to me that he had to study for Automata’s test and didn't accompany me for today's evening walk. How much my friends study, I am amazed. :D

In college life, you need to pay a lot for not being a girl. Ranging from your best friend’s concern for you to marks you get in internals. Another interesting thing I saw today was a notice posted in our hostel. We are going to have an off-campus placement drive for our college. I don't want to disclose the company name. But the package it is offering will surprise our campus students. Its Rs 5.86 lacs per annum. Interesting fact to note is that it is only for girls, underlined in bold. :D. 

A note of advice I learnt here in my college is, don’t consider any boy to be your best friend as he can leave you anytime for the best girl he assumes someone to be for him. This theory is applicable in vice versa too and with a more self-explanatory note. You just need to be a loner and a nice observer… 

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Insomniac Dreams

Eagerness and anxiety are two companions who ally themselves unitedly and blow away your sleep. When assisted by your perfectionist traits, they will take you to a different world where you lie clung to what you desire. Everything else seems irrelevant and not of your wants. Things have been going the same way for me. I have turned insomniac since few weeks.  First came the Photoshopic designing opportunities for me and then flowed currents of learning new computer languages aspirations. I successfully managed to conduct the Python’s Online Test for my branch after rigorous discussions with seniors and faculty members of my college. When I was busy preparing for Python, at the same time I had been engaged with my previous projects too. And in those projects I had to consult and re-read those computer languages that have no readily connection with Python. It was important for me to get my hands dirty for the upcoming Python’s test but I was unsuccessful in keeping my mind aside from my previous projects. This is what happens and it has become obvious for me now. My mind adamant says to complete the previous task first and then move on to next. In this conflict of what to do and what not to, my mind rages and sleepiness vanishes.

Well the Python’s test ended “thik-thak” type, but at the end I did realize that I should have concentrated only on my current necessary goal. But it was no good that I could have done then by realizing so. May be it would help in future.

About two weeks back, I went to one of renowned faculty of my college. I explained to him how much I have covered in area of Web Development and Designing. Web Development and Designing is the area that fascinates me a lot and I enjoy doing it. I discussed with Sir what prospects I shall presume for myself with this passion of mine. I didn’t get answers that could have heightened my zeal. I respect the curiosity and care our faculty possesses for us. But one’s passion and desire fail to measure the decisions when taken against them. I did feel that way. I turned sad. It felt as if I have fallen open mouthed on the floor and there is nothing left for me.

Thanks to “TheSocialNetwork”, a movie I watched yesterday. How much change a web developer/programmer can bring in our society was well shown in it. The movie is about how facebook was formed and came into existence. I am highly inspired now. My drown dreams have risen and have started to fly high again.

Mark Zuckerberg, you are not just the inventor of Facebook, but an inspiration for me and for billions other like me too. I am looking for your poster to paste it in my room :D. Your story and hardships have already engraved in my heart. :)

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Sweating Creativity

This month of April was a month full of creativity for me. Temperature scale never ceased to harass me; my scalp which is still so itchy and sweaty, never hindered with the creative insights that I proposed throughout this month. Sitting in a room which faces west, that means direct sun rays during afternoon, was never easy and it will continue to be so for the upcoming one and a half month. After that I will move to my new hostel room with commencement of 3rd year of my B-Tech course. I hope GoGo sir will allot me a better room this time.
Well, sharing my summer-season miseries was not the concern. I wanted to express that despite of the cruel season I worked a lot with my creativity and came out with results that seem significant for me at least. This month I tried to design my branch T-shirt, CSE T-shirt, for my juniors. I had never ever designed any clothing before. This was the first time I tried my hands on it.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Another T-shirts I worked upon were those that my friends asked me to design. They wanted to combat their enemies in Counter Strike matches during our college fest, Frisson 2012, wearing their own team’s T-shirt. So another design came along this way. I was asked to keep the design as simple as possible with only one request that I should provide imprints of their favorite weapon gun on the front side for each individual in the team respectively. “Ok! Fine”, I replied and did the needful.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Whom shall I blame? Yes! I needed to blame someone. Not a single T-shirt design was implemented, neither my branch T-shirt nor my friend’s team T-shirt. I talked with our HOD sir to seek his approval for the branch T-shirt. He made me sentimental by discussing the miseries students create for their parents by wasting money on useless clothing and stuffs. He asked me not to promote such activities and postponed my initiatives. It hurt but I subdued it with smile.

“Lack of time”, my friends blamed time. It was lack of time that prevented them from not getting my design printed on T-shirts. 

Its Ok!… I consoled myself. But still, I did come up with logos and banners for my facebook groups and pages. I did implement my designs there. Well I am the administrator that’s why no one raised questions on my doing so :D.
I am still looking forward for channelizing my burning creative insights which is resulting into a state of insomnia for me. This shall be the content of my next blog post. I will try to get some sleep right now anyhow…

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