Stepping Stones

It rained yesterday here in Durgapur. Blisters that prevailed due to consistent heat and coagulated inflictions tried to wash themselves away. It felt soothing. Sometimes roaring harsh wind uplifts you the best. Hiving in closeness, playing romance on guitar is not always the obvious solution for repose. Hard Rock does play an important role wherever the former lags behind. I realized it yesterday. It felt soothing.

I am in third year of my B-Tech course now. Two days ago, I became a pre-final year student. And with this, more indulgent sprouts of anxiety and sense of responsibilities have started taking place in my mind and heart. Keeping the anxiety till the sphere of brain is acceptable. Its plunderage on walls of the heart is not. And other than this, I have been continuously grooming myself, trying to bring out the most uncommon in me, keeping the rest common ones in me intact and stabilized.

I have been with my roommate since first year. Persistent problems couldn’t make it possible this year and I will be having a new roommate now when the semester starts after the break. Sort of predicament I was in, because I build up closeness and intimacy quickly and much strongly. Everybody doesn’t do so; but I do. Consequently I alienate myself. After all I neither own the lock, nor the key. I am just a user till my authenticity as a user is carried over by the programmer. My scope and lifetime is not controlled by myself. Situations and needs dictate over this.

While returning from my Java class yesterday, still then it was raining, I noticed streams of dust, coagulated together, floating on the inundated silent road. I thought, how long are they going to last together? How long will they continue to be loyal and intimate for each other? Situations and needs dictate over this, I contemplated. Even though it’s pinning, I tried to accept it as soothing. 

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Morning Reflections

Since the beginning, the time when I started blogging, I have written many posts concerned with friendship. What binds it, what unwinds it, how hurting it can be, how much centralized it should be; I don’t know in what post I emphasized which aspect of friendship but yes, I did, may be on different concerns and in different contexts. I keep collecting experiences and my learning from them keeps going on. I blog about them as my blog is my heart, the place where my feelings reside. I don’t want my experiences to escape from my heart and so they are here, on my blog.

I have seen that the in friendship circle, people I gave much importance to have always resulted into a being which should not be given even a penny of trust, not even a blot piece of bread. And for those people for whom I rarely collected any attention have contributed to me a lot in terms of solicitation and regard. Even if you get to know this theory, you can’t ascertain it soon. It takes time and circumstances to highlight the hidden aspects that keep faces covered under the shadow of disguise.

Love them who love you, but regard with respect to all. Try to judge people with what they do and not with what they pretend to do. I would also like to point that don’t just cling to your limited circle rather expand it further because anytime you may feel that you never belonged to that circle and probably your place was somewhere else. Very recently I faced this and now I regret why didn't I leave my circle earlier. Why didn’t I form another circle with those people who were like me, who would do what I liked to do and without pretending anything that they never do…

I have subscribed to few of Google’s SMS channel services and from there I received an SMS few days back. And it was as follows:
“Every struggle in your life has shaped into the person you are today…
Be thankful for the hard times, for they have made you stronger.”

I think this SMS should have been more precise with this post if I say it like
“We should be thankful to every friend of us who betrayed and allowed us to struggle on our own. They have actually made us more stronger.”

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Songs, Bands, Hype and me...

Hype created during fest is still alive in our college campus. More than a week now it has been, but still the mood is flavored with tunes set by Underground Authority band and renowned new face as a singer, Vineet. Personally, I had enjoyed Underground Authority band more as compared to Vineet. The reason is not obvious; nowadays I prefer energizer rather than those songs that set me off. Romantic music sets me off. Rocking DK Bose sweeps it away. And the band did that very well.

Ever since the start of preparation for fest, Frisson 2012, I was keenly observing practice sessions of my friends who were to perform in cultural events. I was coordinator in the committee and had pretty bulk of tasks too. But throughout I was attached with some of our college bands in one way or the other, not as a practitioner but as a coordinator. I have turned very much inclined towards rock music now as a result. New aspirations to sprinkle my vibes through strings of guitar have taken their place in my veins. I am not sure if I will excel in it too, but I enjoy thinking about it at least…

Today we had an Alumni meet, Samaagam 2012 at our college auditorium. I was sleeping high, when Satnam bhaiya knocked on my door and asked me to rush into auditorium as fast as possible. The event was aimed to bring alumni of our college, scattered all over now, back into college, under the clouds of nostalgia for them and to present before us our seniors who have excelled from the platform where we are at present. Share of experiences with suggestions for improvement for forthcoming batches were the objectives. This meet was the first event of this kind ever in our college’s history and I think it is really a nice initiative which our Director sir himself promoted. Today was the first day for the Meet which had few performances of dance, singing which I didn’t enjoy much, while the remaining of performances will be tomorrow, on the second and final day of Samaagam. Today Mr. Soumyakanti sir and his band rocked me hard. His performance on Raghu Dixit’s ‘Hey Bhagwan mujhko tu, zindagi dobara de’ was just awesome. His performance has ignited my wish to learn guitar even further.

The first thing I did after I returned back to hostel was to download that Raghu Dixit’s song. The song has powerful lyrics which will move you away. I am here sharing a link of that song from youtube. I am just repeating that song over and over again in my playlist and proclaiming in my dreams if I could also learn guitar… :D

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Girls-Oh-Mania (Part I)

How do you feel when you are walking alone and a girl passes by you, surrounded by her male well-wishers, whom you often consider to be her beloved, throwing a glance on you. You do try to look into her eyes but soon you dismantle your attention and turn your glance away :P. This is what happens most of the times with a student in his college life...Share how do you feel in your comments.

I think the first thing to strike in one’s mind will be, “what the hell do I lack that I am still alone?” Well, may be the girl would be somehow engaged in some other way too with those guys and not by the way we think them to be oftenly. I am on a different track and I have different propositions about it. India has been under a trend which emphasizes Women Empowerment. I am quite low on statistics and realistic facts on a country basis may not be present with me. But so far I had been here in my college and as per the situation I have seen here; I can gallantly announce that goals have been achieved. :D

And achievement has been so intense that Women empowerment has surfaced top and male counterparts now lie on the brink with their rights in vain. Semester’s internal marks, faculties’ attention and care, your best friend’s concern and even Egg Roll wallah’s priority goes to girls. Today I was forcibly made to wait 10 minutes extra just because three young and pretty girls arrived there; first year students probably. I thought since I had been there first, I would be given service first too. I was wrong. When the roll was prepared, I extended my hands to take it, while the biased Egg Roll wallah brought his hands towards one of those girls. I retraced, while other two girls laughed. And they giggled. Finally when my turn came, I ascertained it by querying him twice if it did belong to me. Things have been going on this way everywhere for me.

While returning back to hostel, I saw three boys accompanying a girl. One of them was my branch mate who lied to me that he had to study for Automata’s test and didn't accompany me for today's evening walk. How much my friends study, I am amazed. :D

In college life, you need to pay a lot for not being a girl. Ranging from your best friend’s concern for you to marks you get in internals. Another interesting thing I saw today was a notice posted in our hostel. We are going to have an off-campus placement drive for our college. I don't want to disclose the company name. But the package it is offering will surprise our campus students. Its Rs 5.86 lacs per annum. Interesting fact to note is that it is only for girls, underlined in bold. :D. 

A note of advice I learnt here in my college is, don’t consider any boy to be your best friend as he can leave you anytime for the best girl he assumes someone to be for him. This theory is applicable in vice versa too and with a more self-explanatory note. You just need to be a loner and a nice observer… 

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Insomniac Dreams

Eagerness and anxiety are two companions who ally themselves unitedly and blow away your sleep. When assisted by your perfectionist traits, they will take you to a different world where you lie clung to what you desire. Everything else seems irrelevant and not of your wants. Things have been going the same way for me. I have turned insomniac since few weeks.  First came the Photoshopic designing opportunities for me and then flowed currents of learning new computer languages aspirations. I successfully managed to conduct the Python’s Online Test for my branch after rigorous discussions with seniors and faculty members of my college. When I was busy preparing for Python, at the same time I had been engaged with my previous projects too. And in those projects I had to consult and re-read those computer languages that have no readily connection with Python. It was important for me to get my hands dirty for the upcoming Python’s test but I was unsuccessful in keeping my mind aside from my previous projects. This is what happens and it has become obvious for me now. My mind adamant says to complete the previous task first and then move on to next. In this conflict of what to do and what not to, my mind rages and sleepiness vanishes.

Well the Python’s test ended “thik-thak” type, but at the end I did realize that I should have concentrated only on my current necessary goal. But it was no good that I could have done then by realizing so. May be it would help in future.

About two weeks back, I went to one of renowned faculty of my college. I explained to him how much I have covered in area of Web Development and Designing. Web Development and Designing is the area that fascinates me a lot and I enjoy doing it. I discussed with Sir what prospects I shall presume for myself with this passion of mine. I didn’t get answers that could have heightened my zeal. I respect the curiosity and care our faculty possesses for us. But one’s passion and desire fail to measure the decisions when taken against them. I did feel that way. I turned sad. It felt as if I have fallen open mouthed on the floor and there is nothing left for me.

Thanks to “TheSocialNetwork”, a movie I watched yesterday. How much change a web developer/programmer can bring in our society was well shown in it. The movie is about how facebook was formed and came into existence. I am highly inspired now. My drown dreams have risen and have started to fly high again.

Mark Zuckerberg, you are not just the inventor of Facebook, but an inspiration for me and for billions other like me too. I am looking for your poster to paste it in my room :D. Your story and hardships have already engraved in my heart. :)

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Sweating Creativity

This month of April was a month full of creativity for me. Temperature scale never ceased to harass me; my scalp which is still so itchy and sweaty, never hindered with the creative insights that I proposed throughout this month. Sitting in a room which faces west, that means direct sun rays during afternoon, was never easy and it will continue to be so for the upcoming one and a half month. After that I will move to my new hostel room with commencement of 3rd year of my B-Tech course. I hope GoGo sir will allot me a better room this time.
Well, sharing my summer-season miseries was not the concern. I wanted to express that despite of the cruel season I worked a lot with my creativity and came out with results that seem significant for me at least. This month I tried to design my branch T-shirt, CSE T-shirt, for my juniors. I had never ever designed any clothing before. This was the first time I tried my hands on it.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Another T-shirts I worked upon were those that my friends asked me to design. They wanted to combat their enemies in Counter Strike matches during our college fest, Frisson 2012, wearing their own team’s T-shirt. So another design came along this way. I was asked to keep the design as simple as possible with only one request that I should provide imprints of their favorite weapon gun on the front side for each individual in the team respectively. “Ok! Fine”, I replied and did the needful.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Whom shall I blame? Yes! I needed to blame someone. Not a single T-shirt design was implemented, neither my branch T-shirt nor my friend’s team T-shirt. I talked with our HOD sir to seek his approval for the branch T-shirt. He made me sentimental by discussing the miseries students create for their parents by wasting money on useless clothing and stuffs. He asked me not to promote such activities and postponed my initiatives. It hurt but I subdued it with smile.

“Lack of time”, my friends blamed time. It was lack of time that prevented them from not getting my design printed on T-shirts. 

Its Ok!… I consoled myself. But still, I did come up with logos and banners for my facebook groups and pages. I did implement my designs there. Well I am the administrator that’s why no one raised questions on my doing so :D.
I am still looking forward for channelizing my burning creative insights which is resulting into a state of insomnia for me. This shall be the content of my next blog post. I will try to get some sleep right now anyhow…

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Conversation

My smiles you read

My eyes you don’t

Serenity in my calmness you find

Turbulence in my peace you don’t

My words you listen

Meanings in them you don’t.

In my words

Truthfulness lies

You hide truth’s identity

Drag them into disguise

You try to wake me up

Still in sleep I lie.

“It’s a pillow”, you say

Someone’s lap I see

With warmth of love

I rest my head

There roam few fingers

“It’s silk beneath”, you say.

“You are my friend”, I say

I help you in need

Pray for your good indeed

You succeed

You taunt me hard and leave

When my honesty you need

I see you back

“You are my friend”, you say.

Remember?

You said, “My time is mine”

But I give mine to you

I learn for me

And work for you

No name for me

All fame for you.

“Fall in love again”, you say

Even kinship I forbid

New wounds they give

Healed stiches untie

It’s pain I see

“No Blood”, you say.

If you can, set me free

From my memories

They kill me softly

I can’t revolt

And awake myself from them

You call memories your life

“It will cause my death”, I say

Please, let me know

When dawn comes

Fireball will burn me down

And my cursed entities

My uniqueness you call them

“Grounds for my frustration”, I say.

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Vividity

Few things I don’t see. Eyes work and brain responds too; but still few things intimidate me, deceive me and offer challenges not true. Lines in my book I read, but meanings I incarnate make my heart glue, even the story characters I misjudge and climax the end forcibly not true. But I don’t draw back, I continue…
I impose faith on imposters blurred in my visions. They are pickpockets, but love in their caresses I guess. Their shrewdness I appreciate, their words fly me high and to land back on ground I don’t get any modes true. Appreciation I give to them, or is it delusion I bathe in?
I conjecture my journey is on a car, the car that would drive me happy. Relaxation on my face seems visible, even though the car tank remains empty.
But I don’t draw back, I continue…

The time tides me with ups and downs and makes me aware of what lied inside the crown. I slow down; I realize how I have come along. This was not what I had proposed, certainly not which I always disposed. 

Story in my book seems to be waste; characters in vain and their roles with no tastes. Their ends seem not possible; just a pile of pages with scribbling of an untamed writer. 

People are jealous, they misguide me. They don’t wish to see me reach my goal.

And why I am still on this car? I chose the wrong car; probably it was never meant for me. On a cart of perplexity rather, I am on a journey that was meant to drive me insane with its fuel tank nearly empty. I stop, and reverse my path…

Experiences shower on me, make me bright and cheer me colorful. But I get matured and low on energy. I realize that things were just made for me. My eyes saw them good and brain traced them true, I realize. 

Even the incarnated meanings were true and so were characters in my story book. The best climax I could have seen if I continued to read, I realize. 

People were good too, they tried to understand me and helped me with the best they could have done. I should have offered them respect, I realize.

The car was perfect for me and happiness was true. I should have traversed few miles more, fuel station was near. My journey could have completed if I never looked back. I regret, I realize…

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