The horse ride was a bumpy one. At times, I thought it was not even a horse, rather it was the earth quaking as I walked past the lanes. But no, that was a horse indeed, I realized this much later. And I didn’t know how to ride one. If you don’t choose something, it doesn’t mean that thing won’t come to you. Sometimes they just come to you even without you having called for them specifically. The horse ride came to me unknowingly, and I failed at it.
More than three years now, I look back at the miles travelled. I judge them now. I judge them because now I feel I have grown with the experience and learning. In my judgements I find I was the biggest defaulter. I defaulted miserably. I kept on failing and never gathered enough courage to look upon myself. I have regret of not been able to perform, to be the best that I could, and handle situations with maturity. I thought, and I spoke blubberish and always felt victimized. Today, I own the responsibility that I was wrong and all the defaulting traits were inside of me. I feel sorry on myself for being so. I seek apology for my actions to everybody, and to myself. I cannot agree more with what Sant Kabir said.
बुरा जो देखन मैं चला, बुरा न मिलिया कोय । जो दिल खोजा आपना, मुझसे बुरा न कोय ॥
I failed like such an idiot who can write a book on how to fail. But I am glad, there still prevails opportunities for me. For example, a loser like me can write a book on how to fail. The opportunities will always be there, even after having committed tonnes of mistakes. I am glad that today I take cognizance of all my mistakes and acknowledge them upon me. I learned to look on the brighter side of my journey. These emotions empower me to continue my journey. Casually, I want to quote few lines from an enthralling poetry by Faiz Ahmad Faiz.
और भी दुख हैं ज़माने में मोहब्बत के सिवा, राहतें और भी हैं वस्ल की राहत के सिवा ।
The health took a toll as well. Being in a good state of personal health is matter of utmost importance for everyone. A good health comprises of your mental fitness and your physical fitness. Each of these two are invaluable. I neglected both and failed at it. When I will write the book on how to fail, if in case I am left with no other choice, I will include failure lessons from the health aspect too. I will try my best in years to come to maintain a good health, my mental and my physical health. And I wish everyone does this.
Just like a good health of our body and the soul, a good financial health of yours cannot be neglected as well. Over the years I realized I failed at managing my own finances. But thankfully towards the end of this year I realized and took steps to correct them. There is no set rule which will always work in favor of your finances. But definitely a disciplined regime will help somewhat. I have started practicing it.
Too much of writing, now I need to get back to my horse and begin riding. The journey is on.
