Brain-sick's Diary #5

Life has offered varieties. Varieties in people, in their behavior, in their culture, and with this lies the varied experiences of ours. Experience is carved not just from our own endeavors, but it is also accompanied by the culture we are infused into. You may be protesting, not accepting the culture that surrounds you, but the survival for existence always stays at the top most priority in your list. Survival for existence is after all so natural. Lets not just blame humans only. Its prevalent across all forms of life that exists. And this is the survival for existence that pushes you to adapt. Adapt to the culture, to the surrounding which is not so acceptable to you otherwise.

He has adapted to the culture too. The learning curve was steep. But at the end the least that he could have achieved was to get used to with this culture; and he did it. Now he stands firm. The firmness has to be raised even more. Strands of relationships that tend to bind people together; he has doubts on this authenticity. He realizes that relationships are not permanent. Time is a dimension. And every relationship is carved out from time. Clock ticks, relationship tricks. He learnt to try not to be tricked. To keep trying is very important.

Where is the happiness? Well, the happiness is omnipresent. Happiness is God. If you believe, God is everywhere. If you don’t believe, you can’t find God. So is the happiness. And to add to this crude thought, here is an important quote : “Happiness is indeed a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experience.”

His struggle is on; his endeavors to find solace, to find God, to find happiness.

June 12th, 2015.

Read More →

Collecting Happiness...

Happiness is a feeling, a feeling so warm that it makes us forget all the troubles in our lives for a while. I call it for a while because troubles tend to take over the happiness very soon. The extent of happiness is always decided by us. Though happiness cannot be measured, it’s just a feeling; however we make it big and we make it small. But for the while when emotions of happiness curl us within, don’t we feel ourselves freed and relieved from all unnecessary clutches in our lives? I wish if this feeling could persist throughout, always, in each and every moment that we live.

I look around myself, and I see ample number of reasons to be happy. The moment I stop seeing, I start to feel low. I need to clean by spectacles, wash my face, and then look around again. This time I find some reasons to be happy which I overlooked in my previous attempts. I feel enthralled to have found them and lucky because I know there would be many for whom these reasons either don’t exist or are not applicable. I still enjoy reading comics, I read TinTin, Tinkle, Chacha Chowdhury and many more. This may be a joke for a few, but it is special for me. Having found an unseen Chacha Chowdhury comic book at a small bookstore makes me enormously happy. But as I said, happiness is just a feeling, and in this case I make it huge (laughing). 

The God of small things has blessed me with a lot of happiness. When I bought a Parker pen for myself from my first salary, the happiness was beyond any explanation. Now after almost six months of my job, I bought a pen-pencil (laughing loudly). Pen-pencils are not common these days, but when I was in class four, they were very famous. I saw one at a stationary shop where I went to buy ink cartridges for my printer. Now my new pen-pencil rests proudly in my pen holder. Every time I look there, my face shows a smile. I may not use it, but to have procured it made me happy. 

Five days of stressful work in office, which often spans to 6 on some weeks, there it is essentially required to have at least one day off for complete refreshment. My friends might prefer to go to pub and then crash at a Chinese restaurant on sundays, but I have a completely different taste for my refreshment. I prefer to get a full plate biryani packed from Jai Jawan Dhaba, and enjoy it with 600 ml bottle of Coca-Cola at my home. I enjoy more this way, it feels good to be myself. When you are yourself and not faking to be someone else, then only you will explore what the God of small things has left for us. 

I was inspired to write this post by Coca-Cola India. Here I have shared a wonderful ad by them. #Iamappy

Read More →

An Unforgettable ILP

Life has various ups and downs planned for you. Some ups project you so up that you tend to believe that you are riding in your dreams. You pinch yourselves, and you realize that its reality. One such experience came in my life, spanned in form of several unforgettable moments, in form of ILP (Initial Learning Program) at TCS. Getting a job was a huge joy, the experience I had during my training for this job was beyond any definition for joy. 

I stayed in I-202, at Madhuram Greens. My ILP held at Gandhinagar, Gujarat. And as I say I-202, smile comes on my face. My roommates, Ankit, Prajesh and Aditya, they have become an integral part of my lives. Each of them are so close to me now that during the phases when I am feeling lowest, I recall memories where I was with them and that is enough to spread smile on my face. I will not deny that Ankit has been the only person with whom I came this close, ever in my life. He is a man of finest nature, and with an upbringing which is rare to find now. I am a moody, and react differently at times, and that is because of the turbulent thoughts which churn inside my head from time to time. If I had caused any trouble to my friends, I beg pardon. Other than my roommates, every person from my ILP holds an important place in my heart. This post was supposed to come quite before. But courtesy goes to my hectic project, which keeps me away from my social life these days, both online and offline. I wanted to make this post a collage of memories. Some mad photography I did there came to my rescue, and them I have included here in this post. 

View of Madhuram Greens from my room.

Aditya, Ankit and Prajesh, at AlphaOne Mall, Ahmedabad.

Aditya, Ankit, Me and Prajesh. While we were returning from AlphaOne mall in auto rickshaw. 

It was my first time at KFC. And I tried veg. 

Ankit's garba performace. :D

Its Nikhil in the blue T-shirt, dancing with kids. Umm... Not his kids though. :P

Happy Birthday Ankit... On his birthday. 

Crazy people. :D

Happy Birthday Prajesh... On his birthday.

The crazy me too. Aditya, Me and Prajesh.

Happy Birthday Aditya. Bewildered he was; it was not his birthday. But still... :P

Happy Birthday Vanshika. :)

Celebration on our first salary. :)

Me, and Ankit, at Adalaj Steep Well. 

Aditya, Ankit and me, at Vaishnav Mandir, Sarkhej. 

It was not my birthday either. But still... :P

The period of three months passed by in a jiffy. Time for graduation from ILP came. 

Our batch. AJA 50, on the very last working day for our ILP.

Me and Sanjay. We shared the same cubicle. He sat on my left side. He is one of my dearest. And a very good human. I wish to meet him soon. We have a lot to talk about. :)

Abhinav Kashikar, CR for AJA50, and me. 

Selfie. On the last working day of our ILP. Ankit, Aditi, Sanjay, and me. 

Words are not enough to describe the moments I have lived during my ILP tenure. I consider myself lucky that I got my training with such lovely people, from such wonderful faculties. TCS Garima Park, Gandhinagar, will always have an important existence in my heart. 

Here we have, Killing Machine, Bravo, ***** ****, RAMBO and Stealer. :P :P

Read More →

Black & Hue

The disjoined one lies in the morass. It lies still, but keeps squeaking… Snakes and crabs board often now, and that makes the giant recall how swiftly it sailed away masses of twelve to the other side. That abandoned savior on the bank of Ganges, it keeps staring the young ones as they pass by in front of its eyes.

The new and the small, but spirits big and held high in sky, it waves with the air. While the children bathe, it rests and prepares for the next ride. With pride in its youth, it takes the responsibility of the bygone savior.

Sitting somewhere and watching as the sun goes down, I observe how it takes away all the colors with it. The young and the old, the time has plans for each one of them.

Read More →

Nomads on their way...

In the warmth of light from tungsten lamps, where adversity dwelt by the roadside, there I walked lonely in stretches that would seem to never end. I would recollect incidences during my walk that happened during the day and would curse them who brought so much hate for me in their hearts. To be the loved one of all, to be the one who is famous and everyone else owns a feeling of warmth for him, this expectation turns into a disaster each time I build my home on it. Nomads don’t own a home. They have chosen to walk, endlessly. They take rests however, but they don’t stop permanently as such. I never wanted to be a nomad. I wanted to settle down at a place, with all the fancy desirables in this world available at my doorstep. There came tides of experiences in the steady streams of time and they soaked me completely, making me aware of the unseen truth and correcting me from the otherwise dreamt stuffs. Nomads are the one who progresses. Their next destination, call it their next goal, can only be achieved if they choose to walk. Those who stop permanently, they land up falling into adversities under the warmth of tungsten lamps by the roadside.

To keep moving requires huge effort. Efforts to keep yourself motivated, to keep revising plans for achieving your goals, to keep yourself focused when all the human forces are against you. The expectation and desire must not be confused with each other. What is expected by me of all the people need not come true always, and that should not be conceived as a hurt to me. Desires are dear to me, and that should drive me. Not the expectation, because expectation is just a belief. Nomads have desire to progress. They take rest, and move on because they have desires to fulfill.
Though I never thought I would be a nomad, but eventually I am one now. The system is so designed that only nomads progress and survive. Progress stops when nomads stop.

I don’t know how much people would be able to relate to this post. But at my personal level, this makes sense to me. I look at the bigger picture, and I find bunch of nomads everywhere. They have aspirations to fulfill their desires. I find myself in one of the bunch too.

Read More →

His Ideals in Reflection...

It has been three weeks since I joined TCS. I am being ingrained of moral values along with the main stream training of Java. Through our organisation, we were a part of the movement started by our Prime Minister, Shree Narendra Modi Ji for Swachh Bharat. And other than that, we participated in 3 kms of peace walk on 2nd of October 2014, on the birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi. Sharing with you the post that I wrote in ILP community of TCS, Gandhinagar. I am re-sharing the post here with photos that I clicked on that day, though they are little low in resolution as they were shot using a 3MP camera.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The crowd of people around me is multiplying, but my ability to look around is abridging. What I see is just myself, what I care for is just me. I have sufficient in my account at bank, and I won’t disclose the measure of peace that I keep.

What was the last time you looked at people around you, and were sensitive towards what they were going through? Do you remember an incident lately where you didn't think of yourself first, and thought of restraining the troubles of someone?
We have become excessively self-centered, reactive of forces that affect our own selves directly or indirectly. Our problems weigh so much that the consolidated sum of problems by everyone around us fails to balance it. Our perception constitutes the world within us. Outside this world, universe ceases to exist. What can be the reason for this eccentricity?

We are never satisfied. It’s true that dissatisfaction in human race has helped to reach the skies in terms of our advancement, but has considerably mutated our thought processes. We have stepped into a habit of staying dissatisfied and sad of all those things that we wished we had, but we couldn't end up having them. We are sad because someone else has it, and we don’t. We are dissatisfied with ourselves because we couldn't make ourselves achieve what we wanted. But why are we not thankful of those things that we got in our lives. There are so many reasons to be thankful about. We need to be thankful, and this feeling comes when we get to look around us, realize what others are going through. If we look around, we would come across people who can’t even fulfill the basic needs in their lives, yet they are striving to live. Some might be afflicted severely which others can never think of. It’s good to strive for more, but at the same time being thankful to God for all that he gave us will bring peace. Just by being interested in others starts to bring changes in our lives. We start becoming more insightful of the world which in reality doesn't cease at the end points of our sole interests. The world starts to expand. Shouldn't we be a part of a good cause of helping someone bring down his/her afflictions to some extent?

Mahatma Gandhi has said, ‘The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.’ I take several lessons from what he said. Serve others, and that would bring peace to us. Peace should be the ultimate goal in our lives. Let’s keep the efforts coming, and peace will start to breeze in. I believe that it’s an ongoing process. To make the peace stay, efforts must be brought to play.

Yesterday’s event organized by our organisation on Gandhi Jayanti came to an end, but let’s not forget the ideals that were proposed behind organizing this event. It must be imbibed within us and reflect from our day to day lives. Let’s start to bring peace; to others and to us…

Read More →