Looking back for a moment...

What has started, will someday come to an end. Be it my journey, yours, or someone else’s, or be this universe, all that has started will someday come to an end. Our lives in totality comprise of several small and big journey’s whose start and end are the subset of the set ‘the life we lived so far’, which in turn is the subset of a Godly universal set. Human’s thoughts and perceptions, they belong to a range of output from a philosophical function. This function drives the way a person enacts. With experience this function updates, and so does the output. Sometimes I wonder, how closely related philosophy of life, mathematics and science are. I can mathematically, programmatically relate different aspects as I see in my life. 

At the back of my minds, I am being flooded with memories I reminisce about the start of my college life. I always aspired to be a Computer Science Engineer. Having failed at IIT-JEE, my moral was pathetically down. In the year 2009, I was sent to Kota for pursuing the coaching at Bansal Classes. Even after the rigorous study, I admit my mistakes had been there, all investments turned unsuccessful. I reattempted the IIT-JEE in 2010, and failed at it again. But through West Bengal Joint Entrance Examination, I secured a significant rank that helped me to get Computer Science at Bengal College of Engineering and Technology at Durgapur. The college life that started on 10th August 2010 is about to end now. As I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’.

I have always been a kind of person who develops attachments very easily, and finds it difficult to move on. I had the same feeling at its peak when I was about to leave Kota as I am having right now. Various incidents, good as well as bad, they start to toil down the memory lane as I sit back for a moment in silence. I still miss Kota, lovely people I met there, and my friends whose friendship I will cherish forever. And I will miss Durgapur too. With million slaps of bitterness, there are several notes to sooth me off too, which are like mementos for achievement. 

I remember, I even wrote a poetry to express my attachment with our hostel. In these four years, I am the one who have lived in the hostel for the maximum amount of time. I have written several short stories, many poems, and innumerable random blog posts. All of these, they will still be with me, connected with incidents from the past. Now that in a month I will be leaving college, I want to thank all of them who contributed towards building a better 'me'. Durgapur, it will be special to me always. A part of me will live here forever, amongst the silence of roads gushed with wind and dead leaves in them, in those corridors of hostel where I stood alone for hours thinking what I don't know, in all those rooms where I lived in these four years. Its not a ghostly feeling and its description. "I will come back", and this will give a hint of what part of me will continue to live in Durgapur.

But as I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’. There shall be more journeys for me.

(when I was in first year of my college)

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Brain-sick's Diary >> Positivism

Life has been a chaotic drama lately, with numerous self-realizations and self-discoveries. I have turned more rigid and endured against harshness. Yes! The heat was rising drastically and it burnt me like hell, but I need to stand in the kitchen. As Harry S Truman said, ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. Escaping is never a solution, it takes courage to face it and make your way through it.

I have started to read a lot. Earlier, I used to hang around with friends or used to tread down alone on the roads of Durgapur, composing short stories and poetry. But now, I read a lot in my room, and this has been the time when most of the self-realizations and self-discoveries have started to come up. How much goodness does the reading habit brings for you, I got to learn. I read two books by Dale Carnegie within past two weeks; ‘How to speak Effectively’ and ‘How to stop worrying and start living’, while ‘How to win friends and people’ I am still reading. It has helped me a lot to improve myself in terms of perceptions that I used to have earlier about ‘friends’, ‘people in general’ and ‘relationships’ that human kind has to offer to you. Most of the problems in our lives are not the serious ones, as Carnegie said, ‘We suffer only from minute problems the most, and tend to overlook the bigger part of our happy life’. Why should we go on spoiling the only life we got because of few tiny pinching agents that life brought in for you?

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Brain-sick's Diary >> Inhuman

Against the one I love the most, even to hear a small word of offence fills me with anger that I can’t subdue. The wrath of my placid soul fights against spoilt demeanor against the one whom I home inside me. How can I not? The tiny and weak strands of friendship, which I stood holding calling them to be considerate and fortunate for me, were mere delusion. I never thought they would pain me like the unhealed wound getting unstitched. From the day, till the evening, the obstinacy of my heart to never forgive them is getting more pronounced. It seems even if I pour myself into the glass of momentary alcoholic relief, my soul won’t settle down at peace.

The society seems to be on the consistent downfall in terms of humanism. Ranging from ways to communicate with colleagues to ways of being presentable in front of others, every trait of human in the socialized scale has been suffering setbacks in quality. How come has this degradation brought into existence? The slightest wisdom that bifurcates the ways to protest or to present disagreement and to abusively criticize someone has gone in vain. It seems they don’t understand what they are doing, is it disagreeing or is it abusing?

I had been clubbed with these thoughts all hours today. And I can’t let the one living inside me break down in tears. Because if it does, that would come as a calamity to me. I am that protective shield whose significance lies till the life it protects is jovially alive. And if it’s not, then for what shall I live for?

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Brain-sick's Diary >> In my year fourth…

Few hours from now, and our entire vacant hostel will get swigged in shouts and murmurs. People will be back. In this one month of training period, which constitutes an integral part of curriculum of WBUT for our seventh semester, I was in heavens sky. I love silence, and there it was in abundance here at our hostel. For no one was here at hostel, I had tight sleeps through nights. I read some of the best short stories by Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore. His short stories steered my thoughts on the road that I never cared for before. And in the folds of silence at the grounds, I had enormous space to let my thoughts plunder every corner of my imaginative world. Sitting by the window, and letting juices in my brain convulse to build a different world, were frequent each day. I even witnessed love, the one in its purest form. The feeling that I used to admire once, I could only wish for, now I had it experienced. That feeling is of ‘being loved’. To love someone is not something which brows up my attention, but its ‘being loved’ truly is what that hooks me. God! Bless me…

I am in my fourth year of B-Tech course. One year from now, and I will be a pass-out. Time flies; who knows this better than them who studied in engineering colleges. I recall that existence of energy in me and that zeal when I was in first year. I had several friend circles, lots of well-wishers (at least I supposed them to be) and dreams to accomplish. Everything has changed now. Or I should say they have got refined. With the changing and moving time, life adds various filters through which you sieve out many people. I was no exception.

Challenges on my way, and few trusted supports I have. I wish to keep up with the expectations that my family has from me. But I don’t know really what I would be writing here one year later from now.

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bon voyage

How clearly the emotions we remember, of those frightened steps that were hesitant to move ahead. That was the day when few timid hearts obliged with immense aspirations consoled themselves, and accepted what they ultimately arrived at. That was the first day when we entered our engineering college…

(click to enlarge)

I am in final year of my B-tech now. And for me, there has been a series of learning and experiences outside my textbooks. I know this would be true for my immediate seniors too. They ended their terms in our college after their completion of final semester, and have left us alone. I had been attached emotionally with some, and tied friendliness with many.  The most crucial thing I am going to miss now is I won’t be hanging around them explaining peculiar thoughts and curiosities that pet in my mind. Few things no one understands, and I never explain them to everyone. I will miss them who truly understood what I used to explain. :D

Whatever be your college's status, whatever curse you prize your college with, at the end you are going to miss it. I have seen them… not just through the moistness that prevailed in their eyes but through the unexplainable silence rooted somewhere deep inside. Emotions pouring through eyes are not as powerful as the silence is, and that too creased in a smile. Unexplainable situations, I know I would have to witness myself too. The one which is a year far, I know that will get closer in blink of an eye. At the end, we people turn out to be so dependent on the ambiance that prevail consistently in our hostel. When back to home, we tend to stick to the same routine, we tend to find the same people. Who is going to bang on to our doors shouting aloud names connecting them with girls in the nearest girl’s hostel, who will be there to quarrel for a puff of cigarette? Friendship is the last string that keeps you attached in your memories despite of truck load conspiracies you got to confront in your four years.

I won’t point out names of my seniors specifically because almost everyone had been very special to me in one way or the other. I got to learn something from them which awakened me from sort of darkness in different realms. Now me being in the final year, I take the responsibility to support and elate my juniors. I have plans for this year. I hope I will be able to execute them efficiently. And for my seniors, I wish them good luck for their lives ahead. And as Robert Frost had said, ‘In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on’; so lets move on, and pledge to work even harder in our future and march ourselves towards excellence.

Please do stay in touch!

ANSHUL GAUTAM

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I am a Foodie

Yeah! I am a foodie. But then, I wasn’t. When I was a kid, my mom used to rush around me, following me wherever I ran, with lunch plate in her one hand, and spoon in the other. I didn’t like to eat. Actually I loved junk foods, but mom never served them to me. Health conscious, you know. As I grew up, I fathomed my field of tastes. I found I was restricted within my favorites and never stepped out of them. This could be the reason, why I was thinner.

When I was in Kota, it was the time, when I turned foodie. I ate exceedingly, and it reflected through inflation of my tummy. But I didn’t care. Nice food, nice people around who encouraged my food habits. This was what I loved the most. You eat what you like, and people around you support that too. Rajasthan is famous for the spicy food you get there. I was paying guest to a Rajasthani family, and I enjoyed my stay there; my taste buds awake always with every spices they added.

Today, when I am living in hostel, I feel once again as if my field of tastes in food has turned limited. We get tremendously bad quality food here. Consequently, I have lost my senses to what food tastes like when I am eating. I am eating here just to keep myself alive. I have lot to study, and I haven’t met a girlfriend yet. So keeping myself fit, and active with this quality of food is challenging.

*Click on Photo to Enlarge*

Being a foodie is one thing, and knowing how to cook is another. I learnt to cook something worth to eat while I was staying with my friends, during the previous semester end. I was exposed to their style to living. And I learnt how to survive with whatever we get easily around us. I mean vegetables and eggs; that make lives of bachelors easy. :P
The pic above is a collage of various pics I snapped while my friends were at work. I was involved too, but I was keener on capturing frames with my newly bought cam. :)

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People (A Techie's Insights)

May be then he was different. He doesn’t seem to me the same what I earlier used to percept. But still dominated by his sick habits, he is antagonistic to me. These factors twisted me, and carried me away finally…

I used to be a loner then. Probably he is now. I am always surrounded with people nowadays. I am successful in keeping myself willingly busy in my routines and subroutines. 

Being a computer science student, my daily plans tend to get affected by sub routines. A halt to current process and acknowledgement for some current subroutine invocation rearrange my entire day. I am not a CPU literally where ALU and CU circuited to build the best performance. However I fight to beat the best, no matter what the end result turn out to be. Machines are what we program them to do; they abide and revolt quite a few times; rarely. We are turning into a machine itself this way, always wishing for the result that we seem to have programmed for ourselves. The real times existence and realization of true conditions are still well perceived and interpreted by humans only; and not by the puppet replica that we designed to work for us. The stroke of disappointment and clutches of anxiety never lose their tie ups with us. Probably this has turned out as a result of machinery instincts that we have habituated in ourselves. We need perfection and accuracy. I say we need success each time. Deviation from it brings unwanted clouds.

No doubt, I have turned into a machine myself too, but I am an exception here. I seek internet connection before Clouds can play with my life. I will be much happier with my tiny flash drive than to enroll myself in despaired clouds.

Well he is really not just the same. May be my traversal away to a distant far land had brought this change. I recall how MAC killed DOS. How traversal of Ubuntu and other FOSS closer towards us has been pushing Windows out from the scene. The same way he seems to have gone affected too. My program counter keeps ticking and I have been noticing his steps around. Dulcet face, no lit in eyes and a horrible smile to please me.

 

Sometimes updating the extensibility of your software rescues you, but other times a completely different platform may solve your issues. I have complied with the latter. And I can see the effects on my previous roommate. :D 

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