Going forward through a new start...

It has been a month since my last blog post. Many new things popped up inside my head, but the creative tides got short of the extremely stronger gravitation pull, and that kept everything still…just a little hoo-ha came to the front. 

What was I exactly doing in this one month?

I left Durgapur on 5th of June. I am no more a college student now. I graduated officially from my college on 25th of June 2014. Ever since I joined college, I dreamt of scoring 9 pointer. It was a bliss even to think of being called a ‘nine pointer’ and don’t know how it felt to be one. I enjoyed this bliss to the fullest till I completed my second year engineering. After that I started to take pride in my reality. The result of 8th semester which evidently graduated me came out on 25th and there it was 9.04 on my grade card. Hard work for my final year project finally paid off. But this was not the reason for my disappearance from my blog. I was low on my health. More than the health itself, I was tensed thinking many bad possibilities associated with it. All the self-motivating stuffs loose their essence on me when my hyperactive brain starts churning. I wish to get well soon, and I am trying my best from my part for it.

And there was a good news too behind my disappearance.

After I graduated with title of Er. Anshul Gautam, as a token of appreciation (this is more than just a token, it’s huge for me) Papa gifted Nikon D5100 to me. It came with 18-55mm kit lens. Now being an owner of DSLR, a tool to open all doors of photographic skills, I am more than happy. It was a dream. It has come true now. I clicked lots of pictures and practiced various controls on the new cam. I will buy a zoom lens soon, probably 55-200mm one. I will be joining TCS and my salary will help me for the new lens, but till then I will stick to 18-55mm one.

An important lesson.

I spent my four years for engineering. I learnt innumerable lessons. The most important lesson I recall at this moment is: 'We should never let our own goodness die, no matter what killing spree is against us'. Endurance against the harsh blows of outsiders must be attained to safeguard the inner peace and sanity. Sanity is in preserving goodness, never making it escape from  our inside in the darkness of unlikelihood around us. I shall never forget this lesson, and will keep chanting at every time of need. 

(...among the first few shots taken from my camera)

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Adios | BCET

“…when I was in my first year, I was told that the four years of engineering will be over in the blink of an eye. Now, when I am at the verge of completion of my four years of engineering, I can say that yes I have experienced it. These four years swept by so quickly. To me it seems that the four years were one single moment but it carried innumerable stories within it. Every story is fresh and it will be forever.”

The CSE and IT department of our college gave us farewell on May 20, 2014. To receive warm affection from our teachers and a note of motivation for our lives ahead was mesmeric. As this was going to be the last meet of ours with teachers officially, I carried my point and shoot camera with me and captured as many moments that I could. I don’t want any moment to let go off my reach. I want to preserve them, each one of them. But yes, I try to overcome the bad memories at the earliest, failing to do at most of the times though. However, they also make me a more experienced person, a little more learned, but the canvas of imagery you build gets stained with unintended instances in life. The journey of four years at Bengal College of Engineering & Technology had been somewhat a mixture of good and bad experiences which in totality helped me grow. I find there have been a huge number of changes inside me. My seniors helped me to grow, so did my friends, and I can’t forget to mention the role of my teachers in it. Teachers always help you in one way or the other, and trust me, most of the times you won’t even get to notice that they have helped you. In the later stages of life, you realize how important they were. Yesterday, on June 2^nd 2014, we gave the last exam of our B-Tech. After two days I am about to leave Durgapur, and I am filled with emotions towards some of the good teachers I was blessed with.

The starting note in this post is a part of the short speech I gave on the farewell day. I felt honored to get called along with Namrata, my best friend, by our HOD sir Dr.Prof. S Dasgupta to say something in front of the whole CSE & IT family.

“…these four years I was a part of the CSE and IT family. I have to leave now. But I wish to be remembered as a part of this family in the coming future too.”

This ended my speech then but filled me with melancholy. I can go on speaking of my college life endlessly. Most of the things I am backspacing here, probably I will let them out at some later stages of my life.

I want to thank each one and every one of them who were a part of the life I lived here at Durgapur.

Thank You!

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Looking back for a moment...

What has started, will someday come to an end. Be it my journey, yours, or someone else’s, or be this universe, all that has started will someday come to an end. Our lives in totality comprise of several small and big journey’s whose start and end are the subset of the set ‘the life we lived so far’, which in turn is the subset of a Godly universal set. Human’s thoughts and perceptions, they belong to a range of output from a philosophical function. This function drives the way a person enacts. With experience this function updates, and so does the output. Sometimes I wonder, how closely related philosophy of life, mathematics and science are. I can mathematically, programmatically relate different aspects as I see in my life. 

At the back of my minds, I am being flooded with memories I reminisce about the start of my college life. I always aspired to be a Computer Science Engineer. Having failed at IIT-JEE, my moral was pathetically down. In the year 2009, I was sent to Kota for pursuing the coaching at Bansal Classes. Even after the rigorous study, I admit my mistakes had been there, all investments turned unsuccessful. I reattempted the IIT-JEE in 2010, and failed at it again. But through West Bengal Joint Entrance Examination, I secured a significant rank that helped me to get Computer Science at Bengal College of Engineering and Technology at Durgapur. The college life that started on 10th August 2010 is about to end now. As I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’.

I have always been a kind of person who develops attachments very easily, and finds it difficult to move on. I had the same feeling at its peak when I was about to leave Kota as I am having right now. Various incidents, good as well as bad, they start to toil down the memory lane as I sit back for a moment in silence. I still miss Kota, lovely people I met there, and my friends whose friendship I will cherish forever. And I will miss Durgapur too. With million slaps of bitterness, there are several notes to sooth me off too, which are like mementos for achievement. 

I remember, I even wrote a poetry to express my attachment with our hostel. In these four years, I am the one who have lived in the hostel for the maximum amount of time. I have written several short stories, many poems, and innumerable random blog posts. All of these, they will still be with me, connected with incidents from the past. Now that in a month I will be leaving college, I want to thank all of them who contributed towards building a better 'me'. Durgapur, it will be special to me always. A part of me will live here forever, amongst the silence of roads gushed with wind and dead leaves in them, in those corridors of hostel where I stood alone for hours thinking what I don't know, in all those rooms where I lived in these four years. Its not a ghostly feeling and its description. "I will come back", and this will give a hint of what part of me will continue to live in Durgapur.

But as I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’. There shall be more journeys for me.

(when I was in first year of my college)

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On My Birthday | 2014

Facebook not only connects with people you know, but with people you never knew too. But not only that, Facebook instills warmth in relationships. And today in digitized lifestyle, Facebook’s contribution to get hold of your connections with people cannot be ignored at any cost. However, Facebook can also be the cause for breakups. :P

2nd February 2014, this was the last birthday I got to celebrate in college. Just six more months and I will be a pass out from my college. While the start of birthday at 12:00 AM got a kick start with surprise birthday cake from Rahul and Ashutosh. More friends joined and made it worth memorable. 

Coming again to Facebook, don’t you think if it were not there, how could you have wished your closed ones HBD? Most of us don’t remember birthdays and even if we remember a few, what about the mass number whose birthdays we don’t remember but still wish to stay close to them, wish to keep the warmth sustained. I got more than 180 wishes on my birthday on Facebook. I attended and replied to each one of them individually. I am no scholar in Science of Deduction, but yet I deduced feelings from the sentence construction in every wish they wrote for me. ‘Hastened’, ‘Formality’, ‘I don’t care, but still…’, ‘Love’ and ‘Care’. Look closely on your birthday wishes, and you will realize this too. :D

I thank everyone to make my birthday memorable. The birthday we celebrate in the Final Year of our college life, that has to be special, and so my friends did make that for me. 

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The Prerequisite that helps to Succeed...

How much importance we give towards education of children. What do we aim for by educating them precisely? Do we intend to make them increase the number of degrees of various qualifications? I believe we expect them to come up with sound knowledge, but not just that rather we expect them to develop themselves into a civilized and a well behaved ‘human’. Children are made to target towards the wishes bricked together by their parents, and seldom left to make the choice of their own. But at the grass root level if we examine, we will realize that indeed we wish to produce a well behaved person in future.

Sadly, somewhere we are lacking. We are lacking to produce youngsters with proper mannerism and quality to behave decently in front of other people. When talked about mannerism, I bifurcate moral values and professional behavioral attitude as co-related but separate entities. A child inculcated with sound moral values need not always possess sound professional attributes in his behavior. And the same goes the other way round too. But neither of these two entities is being imbedded into youngsters. This setback is coming at the front in form of poor placement records in colleges, and this scenario prevails more dominantly in C-grade private colleges of India.

After such students pass out from college, frankly with such a void attitude they own no future at all. Companies who hire people look for well-groomed personality and rich mannerism in talks first, knowledge comes second. And if they fail to meet the first requirement, who cares to let them have their technical knowledge tested. The matter is of prime concern today, and this not just covers the problem arena of engineering colleges, rather it stresses the need to own well behavioral attitude in general as a prerequisite before venturing for any kind of job. You can yourself see how we are inclined towards those companies who offer better customer relations. How good the service is being provided that comes second. At the first place we realize how the behavioral outlooks are towards us. From your favorite local restaurant to deciding the best consultancy service for your business, it all starts with sound conduct in talks.

Today to grow with India, the prerequisites need to be inculcated and furnished with shine at the earliest. The early the youngsters realize this, the better it will be.

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Brain-sick's Diary >> Positivism

Life has been a chaotic drama lately, with numerous self-realizations and self-discoveries. I have turned more rigid and endured against harshness. Yes! The heat was rising drastically and it burnt me like hell, but I need to stand in the kitchen. As Harry S Truman said, ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. Escaping is never a solution, it takes courage to face it and make your way through it.

I have started to read a lot. Earlier, I used to hang around with friends or used to tread down alone on the roads of Durgapur, composing short stories and poetry. But now, I read a lot in my room, and this has been the time when most of the self-realizations and self-discoveries have started to come up. How much goodness does the reading habit brings for you, I got to learn. I read two books by Dale Carnegie within past two weeks; ‘How to speak Effectively’ and ‘How to stop worrying and start living’, while ‘How to win friends and people’ I am still reading. It has helped me a lot to improve myself in terms of perceptions that I used to have earlier about ‘friends’, ‘people in general’ and ‘relationships’ that human kind has to offer to you. Most of the problems in our lives are not the serious ones, as Carnegie said, ‘We suffer only from minute problems the most, and tend to overlook the bigger part of our happy life’. Why should we go on spoiling the only life we got because of few tiny pinching agents that life brought in for you?

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Brain-sick's Diary >> Inhuman

Against the one I love the most, even to hear a small word of offence fills me with anger that I can’t subdue. The wrath of my placid soul fights against spoilt demeanor against the one whom I home inside me. How can I not? The tiny and weak strands of friendship, which I stood holding calling them to be considerate and fortunate for me, were mere delusion. I never thought they would pain me like the unhealed wound getting unstitched. From the day, till the evening, the obstinacy of my heart to never forgive them is getting more pronounced. It seems even if I pour myself into the glass of momentary alcoholic relief, my soul won’t settle down at peace.

The society seems to be on the consistent downfall in terms of humanism. Ranging from ways to communicate with colleagues to ways of being presentable in front of others, every trait of human in the socialized scale has been suffering setbacks in quality. How come has this degradation brought into existence? The slightest wisdom that bifurcates the ways to protest or to present disagreement and to abusively criticize someone has gone in vain. It seems they don’t understand what they are doing, is it disagreeing or is it abusing?

I had been clubbed with these thoughts all hours today. And I can’t let the one living inside me break down in tears. Because if it does, that would come as a calamity to me. I am that protective shield whose significance lies till the life it protects is jovially alive. And if it’s not, then for what shall I live for?

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Brain-sick's Diary >> In my year fourth…

Few hours from now, and our entire vacant hostel will get swigged in shouts and murmurs. People will be back. In this one month of training period, which constitutes an integral part of curriculum of WBUT for our seventh semester, I was in heavens sky. I love silence, and there it was in abundance here at our hostel. For no one was here at hostel, I had tight sleeps through nights. I read some of the best short stories by Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore. His short stories steered my thoughts on the road that I never cared for before. And in the folds of silence at the grounds, I had enormous space to let my thoughts plunder every corner of my imaginative world. Sitting by the window, and letting juices in my brain convulse to build a different world, were frequent each day. I even witnessed love, the one in its purest form. The feeling that I used to admire once, I could only wish for, now I had it experienced. That feeling is of ‘being loved’. To love someone is not something which brows up my attention, but its ‘being loved’ truly is what that hooks me. God! Bless me…

I am in my fourth year of B-Tech course. One year from now, and I will be a pass-out. Time flies; who knows this better than them who studied in engineering colleges. I recall that existence of energy in me and that zeal when I was in first year. I had several friend circles, lots of well-wishers (at least I supposed them to be) and dreams to accomplish. Everything has changed now. Or I should say they have got refined. With the changing and moving time, life adds various filters through which you sieve out many people. I was no exception.

Challenges on my way, and few trusted supports I have. I wish to keep up with the expectations that my family has from me. But I don’t know really what I would be writing here one year later from now.

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Chronicles of a Mermaid

Down the waves of Mediterranean

From the blissful eden land underneath

Went forth a mermaid

Above the trauma of the surface.

Taking hold of my hand

Salvaging me from the swirl of ogre

She led my mislaid consciousness 

Into her arms of trustiness.

In the blushed state borne in my smile

I prompted a question

Are you the one, the princess Silken?

In the strobe of divine light she egressed

She carried me somewhere

Out of blindness I wasn’t aware.

Who is she?

Is she the one my voyage was meant for?
...

My lips folded, and eyes partially lit

Tried to whoop the acquaintance 

My senses recollected bit by bit

But not before she stooped

And caressed her nose with mine.

The heiress of those sweetest smiles,

Yes! The lonely fairy she was;

The Princess of the sea!

The sea which inhabits all variants of life

So does she patronize my life sedately.
...

In thorns of seclusion, in deprivation from love,

My heart promised me of your existence

I never paused for a moment 

Being affected in perils of aloofness.

I have sailed through the Pacific

The bedlam of dilapidated emotions

Just to meet you; to be with you hereafter…

Sealed in her kiss

She blew life into me, heal to my injuries

And the storm calmed into bliss.

Entwined in embrace of love

Together we departed for the Promised Land.


Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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bon voyage

How clearly the emotions we remember, of those frightened steps that were hesitant to move ahead. That was the day when few timid hearts obliged with immense aspirations consoled themselves, and accepted what they ultimately arrived at. That was the first day when we entered our engineering college…

(click to enlarge)

I am in final year of my B-tech now. And for me, there has been a series of learning and experiences outside my textbooks. I know this would be true for my immediate seniors too. They ended their terms in our college after their completion of final semester, and have left us alone. I had been attached emotionally with some, and tied friendliness with many.  The most crucial thing I am going to miss now is I won’t be hanging around them explaining peculiar thoughts and curiosities that pet in my mind. Few things no one understands, and I never explain them to everyone. I will miss them who truly understood what I used to explain. :D

Whatever be your college's status, whatever curse you prize your college with, at the end you are going to miss it. I have seen them… not just through the moistness that prevailed in their eyes but through the unexplainable silence rooted somewhere deep inside. Emotions pouring through eyes are not as powerful as the silence is, and that too creased in a smile. Unexplainable situations, I know I would have to witness myself too. The one which is a year far, I know that will get closer in blink of an eye. At the end, we people turn out to be so dependent on the ambiance that prevail consistently in our hostel. When back to home, we tend to stick to the same routine, we tend to find the same people. Who is going to bang on to our doors shouting aloud names connecting them with girls in the nearest girl’s hostel, who will be there to quarrel for a puff of cigarette? Friendship is the last string that keeps you attached in your memories despite of truck load conspiracies you got to confront in your four years.

I won’t point out names of my seniors specifically because almost everyone had been very special to me in one way or the other. I got to learn something from them which awakened me from sort of darkness in different realms. Now me being in the final year, I take the responsibility to support and elate my juniors. I have plans for this year. I hope I will be able to execute them efficiently. And for my seniors, I wish them good luck for their lives ahead. And as Robert Frost had said, ‘In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on’; so lets move on, and pledge to work even harder in our future and march ourselves towards excellence.

Please do stay in touch!

ANSHUL GAUTAM

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A Kid Has Died...

Love is a feeling which can make you do things beyond your imagination. Even if you are creeping into disguise, you won’t notice it clearly before your eyes, as they lie veiled beneath LOVE.
While some take love seriously, others treat it like a game where they should try their hands too. This post is an imagination by me about one such kid, who faced mishap from his mate.

In a cottage at my nearest 

A wicked spell has outraged

Gulped into the darkness of underworld

Infancy of a kid has got caged.

As came the demonic blow of Satan,

The angelic cosmos; tranquil & serene,

In a wink of eyes they all have faded.

Fantastical characters locked inside dolls

Are lying crushed; dead in terrain of remorse.

Anthology of knitted stories held on the shelf

Has fallen off the walls of hope

Cascade of pages have come out

Sucked into the whirlpool of hatred.

Clinking of bells have stopped

Brewing is stillness

A frightening awe has evolved.

Out of scare frozen in my spines

I hurried to shut close my window

But before, a tattered note came flying inside

Inscribed in red: 'my love'
I recognized the kid’s handwriting.

With a jolt of dread, senses riposted

I woke up with pounding heart affrighted.

A nightmare?

Pearls of perspiration rolled off my lobes

Hue and cry prevailed in air

I heard through the window,

'A kid has died'.

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Brain-sick's Diary #4 >> Unusualness

Something unusual has happened. Something that is pulling me into despair. Something which is clenching me in the fist of depression; a depression of a kind whose origin lies veiled. Only my senses are reactive towards the rhetoric discussions I have been raising inside me. Perceptions I envisage is pulling me apart with a force that can uproot a living strong tree, that can bring to the grounds tombs of giant mega structures, that can explode away a town with nuke energy.  I don’t know the specific reason. I just witness the unusualness.

Interests are getting suppressed. Things that used to be my passion (which they still are, but have gone under hibernation) are also getting dim in my arena. I go through early pages of my life, and I feel surprised on the changes I underwent. In the isolation, in the separate space where I have dragged myself into, I keep juggling thoughts and beliefs that have burst out from nowhere. Why does this happen? No clues.

Facebook? Twitter? G+? I have quit almost all of them. I used to be one of the most active person on social media websites. Though I never run out of plots for short stories and poetry, but increased intimacy with the unusualness has slackened the will to perform, to write them on my blog. Why am I writing all this crap right now? I am only scribbling my heart on pages of my open diary just to bookmark this day, and when I will look back again in distant future, I will try to feel the worst unusualness that I have experienced. Why does this happen? No clues.

Friendship which is considered to be the most sacred relationship (I haven’t seen, I read in books) never crosses my way. It might be that I am very stiff at my attitude and consequently this relationship never intersected into my way. I have always tried to mix with people, tried to get to know them, tried to weave strands of solidarity with the people whom I connected with. But I have failed each time. Love? Does it exist? I have only seen unusualness.

This unusualness is intensifying with each passing day.  If I could ever get to reach its origin, I will surely bring myself out of this labyrinth, killing the evil spree to death. 

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Confessing Secrets

I have been admin of several literary Facebook pages which deal with art and presentation of artistic talents. Fortunately, I happened to be one of the co-admin of a confession page on Facebook lately. I am amazed to see the rising popularity of that confession page which is subduing the popularity of any other page on Facebook. The confession page I am currently seeing, where I was asked by one of my senior to manage as the admin, is currently getting approximately twenty confessions each day. I am surprised to see the number of likes which has crossed the mark of 800 today, and this figure was achieved within a span of two weeks since the page was formed. This is a reason for enviousness as I am also looking after my own Facebook fan page which has hardly got 520 likes and that too in this period of two years. Moreover pages like BCET Bloggers and Facebook page of our college’s Tech-cum-Cultural fest, which is being managed by me again, has hardly turned out to be this popular. Reasons?

It is the desperation of being pulled together and expressing what they never dared to say to the opposite genders. I won’t get biased on any side, I am just presenting my sole reactions on seeing the database of confessions we are receiving. And I can see, that we are getting equally sincere confessions from the both sides. At this juncture, I wonder, why are people so tempting towards spilling out their hearts about their love concerns? If they wanna spill their heart out then isn’t there anything else that they would like to share and contemplate about?

I get to learn something from this. If you want to get popular on social media then you would have to project your actions and plan your way out through advertisements in such a way that it relates with the 'attracting phenomena' of opposite sexes. And certainly yes, to a very large extent this is correct. You can see how almost every advertisements on television are now being presented and screen played. They resemble your love life somewhere or the world of your love-fantasy or may be about the broken love life of yours. These three things I should say are working as the three chief dots which draw the big popularity triangle.

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An Odd Invention

Like the way OS drives hardware,

My tender heart drives my actions.

My CPU seldom pauses its function,

Clutched in multiple processes

And deadly thread synchronization.

Endured against suffocation,

Withstanding brute deadlock condition;

I envy that giant-tiny mastermind,

Fabricated into a chip

Named after Intel’s perfection.

My limbs and glands,

Constitute my local connection.

Through narrow bandwidth in my nerves

Runs protocol for communication.

In meshes, in rings, in stars or on buses,

With niggling breaks and data congestion

My dreams sail in intense versions.

Full of exclamations and interjections,

My vision surpasses

Chris Nolan’s ‘Inception’.

Procuring the imagination

Of an unmatched conviction.

With new thoughts’ propulsion

At my solitary mansion,

I head towards tranquility

Drawing my steps towards the invention.

An invention that can help you find

Eternal love for your life 

Exempted of distrust and disgust.

Aided with honesty, and upheld warmly.

And that would be my ultimate innovation;

My blow of life,

Into lives of millions & millions.

Images Courtesy : Google Images Search

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Enviousness

I envy him…

The stealer who sneaked into my vase,

Furtively he lavished my flowers with glam.

With strokes of his magic wand;

Vanished my flowers; their essence scrammed.

I still care and preserve,

The leftover aroma in the emptiness.

I envy him…

As he turned into a giant black cloud,

Hovered above; embraced my love in the night sky.

A tear rolled down, and mingled with stillness in lake.

And soon it rained; emerged an urge to crush my ache.

But I stood low, dormant and lifeless.

I wait for the sky to get clear.

I envy him…

The musketeer who plundered into my home.

He took away all that was mine,

Sweetness on her lips, and her dimpled face in shine.

I wish his musket to kill me,

As her memories couldn’t help me die.

Image Courtesy : Anshul Gautam's - ViBGYOR

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The Journey...

Its album ‘Passions’ by Ghazal Maestro, Late Shree Jagjit Singh, playing on my computer while I am typing this. And the lyrics is conforming with emotions once I had. It was my first semester break, and I was going back home, in Gujarat. I had tried to cage my emotions within sheets of my notebook, somewhere which remains in its hideous isolation now.Then, I was different, from what I am now. At least I had tears, and I could spill them when I needed. Now even after million tries, I don’t get any. I wish, if I could feel light, bursting out from the complex lockage in my brains.

I was travelling alone, and I talked with myself all through the journey. And the reciprocation of turbulence of thoughts was imprisoned within certain pages. I stopped by at those pages today, while I was tearing them off before putting them on fire. And the pages read :

I sit still, and scenes through my window ‘pass’ by. 

Like projection of memories on walls, 

Glimpses of my existence in them pass by.

The distant horizon moves with me, like the ultimate goal in my life. 

Hills and its ranges, terrain rough and sprawling solitude pass by.

I watch as a viewer, terrains where I had been. 

Scraped pieces of my loneliness, my jobless thoughts in them pass by.

Rivulets in their topsy-turvy curves, 

Meeting and dividing; behold my soul. 

Kinships I had and pain of their losses pass by.

Away from solitude, my eyes snap at commotion,

As the city in energy passes by.

Of all few causes that put us down,

Million reasons to rise and smile pass by.

The obstinacy to laugh, promises to shine pass by.

The shine is in our goal, and the journey is our road to shine.

I still still, and scenes through my window pass by.

I close my eyes slowly,

Dazzles of glistens, sparks of enticement,

Fervor in my goals ‘waltz’ by.

Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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Brain-sick's Diary #1 >> Expectations

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”

I read this quote somewhere on Internet. I was trying to join my friend’s fan page, but some cross-links came forward and carried me away from Facebook. I transfixed my eyes, shook my heart, as the words started crawling in multiple spheres of my mind.
What’s wrong with it? The quotation just screamed out the truth!

How can human sustain without expectations? This was the food for my thought on my way back to home from our nearest grocery store.
If I purchase a packet of biscuit, I have some expectation about its taste.
Even the old lady at store expects me to come back again for some more shopping. I can read from sparkles in her eyes each time she bids me bye. How can one say that they hate expectations.

I kept walking tardily, my feet freezing and denying any movement further. But it was stringent thoughts which kept my mind busy, obscured from wants of my legs. I entered my house, even forgot to close the door. I was back to my senses only then when my mom started chiding upon me for not having purchased some butter. She chided some more when her hairs started to swirl and ruffle from the strong cold wind that came through the open door.
I looked back at the open door. I realized, there is always some purpose behind every instance. The Butter! I knew it wont be easy, but I must go. I slammed the door from outside, and it banged.

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I am a Foodie

Yeah! I am a foodie. But then, I wasn’t. When I was a kid, my mom used to rush around me, following me wherever I ran, with lunch plate in her one hand, and spoon in the other. I didn’t like to eat. Actually I loved junk foods, but mom never served them to me. Health conscious, you know. As I grew up, I fathomed my field of tastes. I found I was restricted within my favorites and never stepped out of them. This could be the reason, why I was thinner.

When I was in Kota, it was the time, when I turned foodie. I ate exceedingly, and it reflected through inflation of my tummy. But I didn’t care. Nice food, nice people around who encouraged my food habits. This was what I loved the most. You eat what you like, and people around you support that too. Rajasthan is famous for the spicy food you get there. I was paying guest to a Rajasthani family, and I enjoyed my stay there; my taste buds awake always with every spices they added.

Today, when I am living in hostel, I feel once again as if my field of tastes in food has turned limited. We get tremendously bad quality food here. Consequently, I have lost my senses to what food tastes like when I am eating. I am eating here just to keep myself alive. I have lot to study, and I haven’t met a girlfriend yet. So keeping myself fit, and active with this quality of food is challenging.

*Click on Photo to Enlarge*

Being a foodie is one thing, and knowing how to cook is another. I learnt to cook something worth to eat while I was staying with my friends, during the previous semester end. I was exposed to their style to living. And I learnt how to survive with whatever we get easily around us. I mean vegetables and eggs; that make lives of bachelors easy. :P
The pic above is a collage of various pics I snapped while my friends were at work. I was involved too, but I was keener on capturing frames with my newly bought cam. :)

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On An Ode to Pinnacle

The birthday calls for a day when you feel as if the entire day has been blessed and bears every entity, every chunk of moments defined in it, just for yourself. ‘Aaj mera din hai’, is what I hear most of the times from the birthday buddy. A certain day, when you were born, and arrival of your birthday reinvents that thrill and you cherish the pleasure of having stepped into this world. This world is heaven. And I am happy to be a part of it. I think everybody should feel the same way. And this is what it is meant to be felt. Why we celebrate our birthday, one of the reasons could be this.

The way we celebrate birthday here in our engineering college is quite amazing, but not out of this world I should say. Crush! And beat the birthday man until he can sustain it no more, is the culture here. And you can’t escape from this custom. I am happy. I haven’t celebrated my birthday yet at college. I am always an exception to customs.

(Click on photo to enlarge)

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The Ebook Library

Books are the major source of knowledge. Whatever your course may be, how big, how small, it doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the knowledge that we need to acquire in order to get ourselves going in it. I am an Engineering student; my field of study is Computer Science. Being a geeky chit-chatter on web, and as a mindful student of technology, I keep myself attached with upcoming technologies. Not a single day passes when I don’t get to know something new on the web. Newsletters from various sites that I have subscribed to, keep gathering in my inbox. Thanks to almost never ending space that Gmail has been providing us with. Sometimes I overlook some messages; however I try not to miss any of them. Delay may be, but I try to make out some time to go through them. Interest of such a kind, and a thirst to conquer excellence, keeps me awake. Surrounded with books that I wish to read some day, expecting that day to near soon, I keep thinking; innovating. These days, YouTube video tutorials have been of great help to me. I would like to thank few of my online gurus, like EliTheComputerGuy and Bucky at thenewboston. Their youtube channels taught me a lot.

“Mam! I was wondering if I could get that HTML 5 book, by Oreilly, GooglePress”.
“Really? Do we have that book in library”, our librarian asked.
“Yes mam! We do have. I just saw its reading copy above. Please do help me by issuing me that book”, I requested her.
“Let me see. Ok you do one thing, come next week, I will keep a copy ready for you to be issued”, she asserted throwing a smile at me.
I am no miser at throwing smiles as well. “Thanks mam! I will be here next week”.

Actually ebooks are like blessings for IT guys like us. We can’t manage to purchase every book, even though they are important. Downloading them through net and turning pages electronically is also turning a habit now. I wish the habit to get permanent soon. It would be a boon for me. But still, contemporary reading style and ease drives us towards paper editions of books. And this very thought stepped my foots towards library that I rarely visit.

“Mam! As you said, I am here after one week. Would you please issue me HTML 5 book, the one that I had asked you for?”
“HTML? Here is one book, it’s on HTML as well”, she replied.
“But Mam, I want HTML 5. Its older version of HTML, version 4, the one that I studied when I was in class Xth. I am in 3^rd year of Btech at present”, I replied politely.
“Arrey! Version 4, version 5 sab ek hi hai, grab this one otherwise someone else would get it issued”, she asserted as if she knows everything about that book.
“Thank you very much mam! I think I won’t issue that book. Thanks again.”

Lack of resources in your engineering college will pinch you throughout your stay at the college. If you get placed in campus placement drive, these feeling will mold them in certain different dimension. And if you are in some private college like I am in, lack of resources actually turns depressive. At least books should be provided adequate in number and of sufficient variety. Just putting a reading copy for the reading room is of no gain. Neither can I clarify my needs; neither can they impress me on what they have.
Ebooks are the only choice that I am left with. Dark spots around my eyes may be consequent effect, but I have no other choice. I have built a virtual library on my laptop. It bears massive collections of ebooks and total size occupied is about 21.8 gb; still increasing. :D

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