Adios | BCET

“…when I was in my first year, I was told that the four years of engineering will be over in the blink of an eye. Now, when I am at the verge of completion of my four years of engineering, I can say that yes I have experienced it. These four years swept by so quickly. To me it seems that the four years were one single moment but it carried innumerable stories within it. Every story is fresh and it will be forever.”

The CSE and IT department of our college gave us farewell on May 20, 2014. To receive warm affection from our teachers and a note of motivation for our lives ahead was mesmeric. As this was going to be the last meet of ours with teachers officially, I carried my point and shoot camera with me and captured as many moments that I could. I don’t want any moment to let go off my reach. I want to preserve them, each one of them. But yes, I try to overcome the bad memories at the earliest, failing to do at most of the times though. However, they also make me a more experienced person, a little more learned, but the canvas of imagery you build gets stained with unintended instances in life. The journey of four years at Bengal College of Engineering & Technology had been somewhat a mixture of good and bad experiences which in totality helped me grow. I find there have been a huge number of changes inside me. My seniors helped me to grow, so did my friends, and I can’t forget to mention the role of my teachers in it. Teachers always help you in one way or the other, and trust me, most of the times you won’t even get to notice that they have helped you. In the later stages of life, you realize how important they were. Yesterday, on June 2^nd 2014, we gave the last exam of our B-Tech. After two days I am about to leave Durgapur, and I am filled with emotions towards some of the good teachers I was blessed with.

The starting note in this post is a part of the short speech I gave on the farewell day. I felt honored to get called along with Namrata, my best friend, by our HOD sir Dr.Prof. S Dasgupta to say something in front of the whole CSE & IT family.

“…these four years I was a part of the CSE and IT family. I have to leave now. But I wish to be remembered as a part of this family in the coming future too.”

This ended my speech then but filled me with melancholy. I can go on speaking of my college life endlessly. Most of the things I am backspacing here, probably I will let them out at some later stages of my life.

I want to thank each one and every one of them who were a part of the life I lived here at Durgapur.

Thank You!

Read More →

Looking back for a moment...

What has started, will someday come to an end. Be it my journey, yours, or someone else’s, or be this universe, all that has started will someday come to an end. Our lives in totality comprise of several small and big journey’s whose start and end are the subset of the set ‘the life we lived so far’, which in turn is the subset of a Godly universal set. Human’s thoughts and perceptions, they belong to a range of output from a philosophical function. This function drives the way a person enacts. With experience this function updates, and so does the output. Sometimes I wonder, how closely related philosophy of life, mathematics and science are. I can mathematically, programmatically relate different aspects as I see in my life. 

At the back of my minds, I am being flooded with memories I reminisce about the start of my college life. I always aspired to be a Computer Science Engineer. Having failed at IIT-JEE, my moral was pathetically down. In the year 2009, I was sent to Kota for pursuing the coaching at Bansal Classes. Even after the rigorous study, I admit my mistakes had been there, all investments turned unsuccessful. I reattempted the IIT-JEE in 2010, and failed at it again. But through West Bengal Joint Entrance Examination, I secured a significant rank that helped me to get Computer Science at Bengal College of Engineering and Technology at Durgapur. The college life that started on 10th August 2010 is about to end now. As I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’.

I have always been a kind of person who develops attachments very easily, and finds it difficult to move on. I had the same feeling at its peak when I was about to leave Kota as I am having right now. Various incidents, good as well as bad, they start to toil down the memory lane as I sit back for a moment in silence. I still miss Kota, lovely people I met there, and my friends whose friendship I will cherish forever. And I will miss Durgapur too. With million slaps of bitterness, there are several notes to sooth me off too, which are like mementos for achievement. 

I remember, I even wrote a poetry to express my attachment with our hostel. In these four years, I am the one who have lived in the hostel for the maximum amount of time. I have written several short stories, many poems, and innumerable random blog posts. All of these, they will still be with me, connected with incidents from the past. Now that in a month I will be leaving college, I want to thank all of them who contributed towards building a better 'me'. Durgapur, it will be special to me always. A part of me will live here forever, amongst the silence of roads gushed with wind and dead leaves in them, in those corridors of hostel where I stood alone for hours thinking what I don't know, in all those rooms where I lived in these four years. Its not a ghostly feeling and its description. "I will come back", and this will give a hint of what part of me will continue to live in Durgapur.

But as I said before, this journey is just like one such journey among many which is a subset of the set ‘the life I lived so far’. There shall be more journeys for me.

(when I was in first year of my college)

Read More →

On My Birthday | 2014

Facebook not only connects with people you know, but with people you never knew too. But not only that, Facebook instills warmth in relationships. And today in digitized lifestyle, Facebook’s contribution to get hold of your connections with people cannot be ignored at any cost. However, Facebook can also be the cause for breakups. :P

2nd February 2014, this was the last birthday I got to celebrate in college. Just six more months and I will be a pass out from my college. While the start of birthday at 12:00 AM got a kick start with surprise birthday cake from Rahul and Ashutosh. More friends joined and made it worth memorable. 

Coming again to Facebook, don’t you think if it were not there, how could you have wished your closed ones HBD? Most of us don’t remember birthdays and even if we remember a few, what about the mass number whose birthdays we don’t remember but still wish to stay close to them, wish to keep the warmth sustained. I got more than 180 wishes on my birthday on Facebook. I attended and replied to each one of them individually. I am no scholar in Science of Deduction, but yet I deduced feelings from the sentence construction in every wish they wrote for me. ‘Hastened’, ‘Formality’, ‘I don’t care, but still…’, ‘Love’ and ‘Care’. Look closely on your birthday wishes, and you will realize this too. :D

I thank everyone to make my birthday memorable. The birthday we celebrate in the Final Year of our college life, that has to be special, and so my friends did make that for me. 

Read More →

Sacred Touch

Bliss is in your touch,

The feat to heal.

Antiquated is the bond of ours,

In your every touch I feel.

Your pokes… Your pulls…

Your caresses of love

Your every touch I know.

But when I face you

Crimson and blushed I go

Naiveness I show.

Read More →

Brain-sick's Diary >> Positivism

Life has been a chaotic drama lately, with numerous self-realizations and self-discoveries. I have turned more rigid and endured against harshness. Yes! The heat was rising drastically and it burnt me like hell, but I need to stand in the kitchen. As Harry S Truman said, ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. Escaping is never a solution, it takes courage to face it and make your way through it.

I have started to read a lot. Earlier, I used to hang around with friends or used to tread down alone on the roads of Durgapur, composing short stories and poetry. But now, I read a lot in my room, and this has been the time when most of the self-realizations and self-discoveries have started to come up. How much goodness does the reading habit brings for you, I got to learn. I read two books by Dale Carnegie within past two weeks; ‘How to speak Effectively’ and ‘How to stop worrying and start living’, while ‘How to win friends and people’ I am still reading. It has helped me a lot to improve myself in terms of perceptions that I used to have earlier about ‘friends’, ‘people in general’ and ‘relationships’ that human kind has to offer to you. Most of the problems in our lives are not the serious ones, as Carnegie said, ‘We suffer only from minute problems the most, and tend to overlook the bigger part of our happy life’. Why should we go on spoiling the only life we got because of few tiny pinching agents that life brought in for you?

Read More →

Brain-sick's Diary >> In my year fourth…

Few hours from now, and our entire vacant hostel will get swigged in shouts and murmurs. People will be back. In this one month of training period, which constitutes an integral part of curriculum of WBUT for our seventh semester, I was in heavens sky. I love silence, and there it was in abundance here at our hostel. For no one was here at hostel, I had tight sleeps through nights. I read some of the best short stories by Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore. His short stories steered my thoughts on the road that I never cared for before. And in the folds of silence at the grounds, I had enormous space to let my thoughts plunder every corner of my imaginative world. Sitting by the window, and letting juices in my brain convulse to build a different world, were frequent each day. I even witnessed love, the one in its purest form. The feeling that I used to admire once, I could only wish for, now I had it experienced. That feeling is of ‘being loved’. To love someone is not something which brows up my attention, but its ‘being loved’ truly is what that hooks me. God! Bless me…

I am in my fourth year of B-Tech course. One year from now, and I will be a pass-out. Time flies; who knows this better than them who studied in engineering colleges. I recall that existence of energy in me and that zeal when I was in first year. I had several friend circles, lots of well-wishers (at least I supposed them to be) and dreams to accomplish. Everything has changed now. Or I should say they have got refined. With the changing and moving time, life adds various filters through which you sieve out many people. I was no exception.

Challenges on my way, and few trusted supports I have. I wish to keep up with the expectations that my family has from me. But I don’t know really what I would be writing here one year later from now.

Read More →

bon voyage

How clearly the emotions we remember, of those frightened steps that were hesitant to move ahead. That was the day when few timid hearts obliged with immense aspirations consoled themselves, and accepted what they ultimately arrived at. That was the first day when we entered our engineering college…

(click to enlarge)

I am in final year of my B-tech now. And for me, there has been a series of learning and experiences outside my textbooks. I know this would be true for my immediate seniors too. They ended their terms in our college after their completion of final semester, and have left us alone. I had been attached emotionally with some, and tied friendliness with many.  The most crucial thing I am going to miss now is I won’t be hanging around them explaining peculiar thoughts and curiosities that pet in my mind. Few things no one understands, and I never explain them to everyone. I will miss them who truly understood what I used to explain. :D

Whatever be your college's status, whatever curse you prize your college with, at the end you are going to miss it. I have seen them… not just through the moistness that prevailed in their eyes but through the unexplainable silence rooted somewhere deep inside. Emotions pouring through eyes are not as powerful as the silence is, and that too creased in a smile. Unexplainable situations, I know I would have to witness myself too. The one which is a year far, I know that will get closer in blink of an eye. At the end, we people turn out to be so dependent on the ambiance that prevail consistently in our hostel. When back to home, we tend to stick to the same routine, we tend to find the same people. Who is going to bang on to our doors shouting aloud names connecting them with girls in the nearest girl’s hostel, who will be there to quarrel for a puff of cigarette? Friendship is the last string that keeps you attached in your memories despite of truck load conspiracies you got to confront in your four years.

I won’t point out names of my seniors specifically because almost everyone had been very special to me in one way or the other. I got to learn something from them which awakened me from sort of darkness in different realms. Now me being in the final year, I take the responsibility to support and elate my juniors. I have plans for this year. I hope I will be able to execute them efficiently. And for my seniors, I wish them good luck for their lives ahead. And as Robert Frost had said, ‘In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on’; so lets move on, and pledge to work even harder in our future and march ourselves towards excellence.

Please do stay in touch!

ANSHUL GAUTAM

Read More →

Confessing Secrets

I have been admin of several literary Facebook pages which deal with art and presentation of artistic talents. Fortunately, I happened to be one of the co-admin of a confession page on Facebook lately. I am amazed to see the rising popularity of that confession page which is subduing the popularity of any other page on Facebook. The confession page I am currently seeing, where I was asked by one of my senior to manage as the admin, is currently getting approximately twenty confessions each day. I am surprised to see the number of likes which has crossed the mark of 800 today, and this figure was achieved within a span of two weeks since the page was formed. This is a reason for enviousness as I am also looking after my own Facebook fan page which has hardly got 520 likes and that too in this period of two years. Moreover pages like BCET Bloggers and Facebook page of our college’s Tech-cum-Cultural fest, which is being managed by me again, has hardly turned out to be this popular. Reasons?

It is the desperation of being pulled together and expressing what they never dared to say to the opposite genders. I won’t get biased on any side, I am just presenting my sole reactions on seeing the database of confessions we are receiving. And I can see, that we are getting equally sincere confessions from the both sides. At this juncture, I wonder, why are people so tempting towards spilling out their hearts about their love concerns? If they wanna spill their heart out then isn’t there anything else that they would like to share and contemplate about?

I get to learn something from this. If you want to get popular on social media then you would have to project your actions and plan your way out through advertisements in such a way that it relates with the 'attracting phenomena' of opposite sexes. And certainly yes, to a very large extent this is correct. You can see how almost every advertisements on television are now being presented and screen played. They resemble your love life somewhere or the world of your love-fantasy or may be about the broken love life of yours. These three things I should say are working as the three chief dots which draw the big popularity triangle.

Read More →

Frisson 2k13

Making movies admire me. I am very much influenced by some of my Facebook friends, who are making short movies. Though I don’t know the technicalities, but as a writer I could have contributed something. Never mind!

As I learnt to work in Pinnacle and After Effects(I am still learning this), I thought of working on a project that could fetch some reviews about how I have developed my ideas, and learnt to bring them into existence in my video sequences. And it came through an opportunity to make Official Teaser for forthcoming Tech cum Cultural fest in our college. Frisson is the name of our fest; it’s going to be organized in mid of February 2013. I made the video this year. :) In making of this video, I was inspired and motivated through work done by Praveen bhaiya(in year 2010) and Sadanand bhaiya(in year 2012) in making Official Video for the fest in respective years. This year, we, the third year students are in organizing committee. And so we are trying hard to make this big and large. We are trying to build a landmark that would be beyond imagination. So here is just a small beginning that I have laid from my part. Wishing for some reviews on this. :))

Read More →

I am a Foodie

Yeah! I am a foodie. But then, I wasn’t. When I was a kid, my mom used to rush around me, following me wherever I ran, with lunch plate in her one hand, and spoon in the other. I didn’t like to eat. Actually I loved junk foods, but mom never served them to me. Health conscious, you know. As I grew up, I fathomed my field of tastes. I found I was restricted within my favorites and never stepped out of them. This could be the reason, why I was thinner.

When I was in Kota, it was the time, when I turned foodie. I ate exceedingly, and it reflected through inflation of my tummy. But I didn’t care. Nice food, nice people around who encouraged my food habits. This was what I loved the most. You eat what you like, and people around you support that too. Rajasthan is famous for the spicy food you get there. I was paying guest to a Rajasthani family, and I enjoyed my stay there; my taste buds awake always with every spices they added.

Today, when I am living in hostel, I feel once again as if my field of tastes in food has turned limited. We get tremendously bad quality food here. Consequently, I have lost my senses to what food tastes like when I am eating. I am eating here just to keep myself alive. I have lot to study, and I haven’t met a girlfriend yet. So keeping myself fit, and active with this quality of food is challenging.

*Click on Photo to Enlarge*

Being a foodie is one thing, and knowing how to cook is another. I learnt to cook something worth to eat while I was staying with my friends, during the previous semester end. I was exposed to their style to living. And I learnt how to survive with whatever we get easily around us. I mean vegetables and eggs; that make lives of bachelors easy. :P
The pic above is a collage of various pics I snapped while my friends were at work. I was involved too, but I was keener on capturing frames with my newly bought cam. :)

Read More →

On An Ode to Pinnacle

The birthday calls for a day when you feel as if the entire day has been blessed and bears every entity, every chunk of moments defined in it, just for yourself. ‘Aaj mera din hai’, is what I hear most of the times from the birthday buddy. A certain day, when you were born, and arrival of your birthday reinvents that thrill and you cherish the pleasure of having stepped into this world. This world is heaven. And I am happy to be a part of it. I think everybody should feel the same way. And this is what it is meant to be felt. Why we celebrate our birthday, one of the reasons could be this.

The way we celebrate birthday here in our engineering college is quite amazing, but not out of this world I should say. Crush! And beat the birthday man until he can sustain it no more, is the culture here. And you can’t escape from this custom. I am happy. I haven’t celebrated my birthday yet at college. I am always an exception to customs.

(Click on photo to enlarge)

Read More →

The Ebook Library

Books are the major source of knowledge. Whatever your course may be, how big, how small, it doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the knowledge that we need to acquire in order to get ourselves going in it. I am an Engineering student; my field of study is Computer Science. Being a geeky chit-chatter on web, and as a mindful student of technology, I keep myself attached with upcoming technologies. Not a single day passes when I don’t get to know something new on the web. Newsletters from various sites that I have subscribed to, keep gathering in my inbox. Thanks to almost never ending space that Gmail has been providing us with. Sometimes I overlook some messages; however I try not to miss any of them. Delay may be, but I try to make out some time to go through them. Interest of such a kind, and a thirst to conquer excellence, keeps me awake. Surrounded with books that I wish to read some day, expecting that day to near soon, I keep thinking; innovating. These days, YouTube video tutorials have been of great help to me. I would like to thank few of my online gurus, like EliTheComputerGuy and Bucky at thenewboston. Their youtube channels taught me a lot.

“Mam! I was wondering if I could get that HTML 5 book, by Oreilly, GooglePress”.
“Really? Do we have that book in library”, our librarian asked.
“Yes mam! We do have. I just saw its reading copy above. Please do help me by issuing me that book”, I requested her.
“Let me see. Ok you do one thing, come next week, I will keep a copy ready for you to be issued”, she asserted throwing a smile at me.
I am no miser at throwing smiles as well. “Thanks mam! I will be here next week”.

Actually ebooks are like blessings for IT guys like us. We can’t manage to purchase every book, even though they are important. Downloading them through net and turning pages electronically is also turning a habit now. I wish the habit to get permanent soon. It would be a boon for me. But still, contemporary reading style and ease drives us towards paper editions of books. And this very thought stepped my foots towards library that I rarely visit.

“Mam! As you said, I am here after one week. Would you please issue me HTML 5 book, the one that I had asked you for?”
“HTML? Here is one book, it’s on HTML as well”, she replied.
“But Mam, I want HTML 5. Its older version of HTML, version 4, the one that I studied when I was in class Xth. I am in 3^rd year of Btech at present”, I replied politely.
“Arrey! Version 4, version 5 sab ek hi hai, grab this one otherwise someone else would get it issued”, she asserted as if she knows everything about that book.
“Thank you very much mam! I think I won’t issue that book. Thanks again.”

Lack of resources in your engineering college will pinch you throughout your stay at the college. If you get placed in campus placement drive, these feeling will mold them in certain different dimension. And if you are in some private college like I am in, lack of resources actually turns depressive. At least books should be provided adequate in number and of sufficient variety. Just putting a reading copy for the reading room is of no gain. Neither can I clarify my needs; neither can they impress me on what they have.
Ebooks are the only choice that I am left with. Dark spots around my eyes may be consequent effect, but I have no other choice. I have built a virtual library on my laptop. It bears massive collections of ebooks and total size occupied is about 21.8 gb; still increasing. :D

Read More →

Footmarks

 

Strolling down the streets has turned a habit. New faces carrying distinct story behind them swivels across me. I tend to escape, I tend not to allude.  I wander to fetch something that I lost long way back. Last road bend and the diversion had already behaved strangely. It deluded me to a secluded traversal path that even the demon didn’t bother to sculpture on anyone's fortuned engravings.

I am searching if my story intersects somewhere with someone’s. Someone’s strange might mingle with stranger mine and we would wander together, in the lonesome streets; sometimes greener and sometimes derelict. Footprints and scribbling on the rocks give me power to move on. For I know through them, that someone made their way through it. Did they succeed? I shall walk till the finals to know if their exists scribbling on some rocks there too.

I will throw some initials. I will leave impressions on trunks to make the path easy for the followers. My footprints will be large and clearer.  I look back to confirm, no one I see. May be they will be lost somewhere. If their story intersects with mine, my left impressions will simplify the puzzle. 

Time has been ticking….each drop falling swiftly, trailing down the cheeks. Purest form, but insanity along and my footmarks are moving towards the finals.

Read More →

People (A Techie's Insights)

May be then he was different. He doesn’t seem to me the same what I earlier used to percept. But still dominated by his sick habits, he is antagonistic to me. These factors twisted me, and carried me away finally…

I used to be a loner then. Probably he is now. I am always surrounded with people nowadays. I am successful in keeping myself willingly busy in my routines and subroutines. 

Being a computer science student, my daily plans tend to get affected by sub routines. A halt to current process and acknowledgement for some current subroutine invocation rearrange my entire day. I am not a CPU literally where ALU and CU circuited to build the best performance. However I fight to beat the best, no matter what the end result turn out to be. Machines are what we program them to do; they abide and revolt quite a few times; rarely. We are turning into a machine itself this way, always wishing for the result that we seem to have programmed for ourselves. The real times existence and realization of true conditions are still well perceived and interpreted by humans only; and not by the puppet replica that we designed to work for us. The stroke of disappointment and clutches of anxiety never lose their tie ups with us. Probably this has turned out as a result of machinery instincts that we have habituated in ourselves. We need perfection and accuracy. I say we need success each time. Deviation from it brings unwanted clouds.

No doubt, I have turned into a machine myself too, but I am an exception here. I seek internet connection before Clouds can play with my life. I will be much happier with my tiny flash drive than to enroll myself in despaired clouds.

Well he is really not just the same. May be my traversal away to a distant far land had brought this change. I recall how MAC killed DOS. How traversal of Ubuntu and other FOSS closer towards us has been pushing Windows out from the scene. The same way he seems to have gone affected too. My program counter keeps ticking and I have been noticing his steps around. Dulcet face, no lit in eyes and a horrible smile to please me.

 

Sometimes updating the extensibility of your software rescues you, but other times a completely different platform may solve your issues. I have complied with the latter. And I can see the effects on my previous roommate. :D 

Read More →

Faces of India

Mr. AP Sharma didn’t let his voice go low ever, even when his hands were busy in labeling the plant cell organelle. He was discussing the functioning of each component of cell in his biology class.

“Students! Studies about cells enriched gradually, with every upcoming small development. And those developments resulted due to talented foreign scientists”, the teacher went on.

“1665, Robert Hooke, first discovered the cell. 1676, Anton van Leeuwenhoek, provided further evidence of cells. 1838, the German biologists Schleiden and Schwann advanced the idea that all organisms are made of cells. 1859, German physician and biologist Rudolph Vichow stated that all cells divide and that is how new cells are made.”

“How boring the class is. And how arrogant Sharma sir have become; he never remarked the ‘most’ important contribution ever made, which an ‘Indian’ had given”; a student in the class conversed in his mind, stressing on several words. Ankush, his name was. He posited in his mind, “Jagadish Chandra Bose, an Indian scientist said that plants have life; and this was the most important contribution. And what about Aryabhatta? He gave us the zero; and using that only you calculated the cell division rate”.

“I feel pity for you Sharma sir; you have lost love for your nation”.

Read More →

The Photo frame

The frame allures,

Windowed bafflement oarlocks me

Sick shredded stitches bothers again

And bespeak our love alive.

Your eyes were my dearest

Chasteness! 

With astuteness of ocean

Chaplets of sparkles existed,

Adored with passion in your eyes.

My hand blockades before the frame

But how would my heart?

Your fingermarks perch there;

They are costliest, I dare not botch.

I only entice to your call;

The call you make through the frame.

And your eyes clout me

In your lonesome photo I have.

Out of my clutches,

Memories are mellowed on the photo frame.

Read More →

The Friendship Day| 2012

The first Sunday of August, and I thought it to be a regular Sunday, until the time I opened Facebook. Yes the tagging day, the friendship day you call it. Keep juggling with your friend’s emotions throughout the year and on this day bouquet them your love, showing how much depth you have in your friendship.
This friendship day had certain distance bought for me. I already have very few people around me whom I consider to be trust worthy. I am very miser in creating friends. I fear to get betrayed and so I keep myself away from the causes that lead to betrayal. However, even after the cautious measures, my foot slips sometimes.

I thought I can blow away what happened yesterday, and proposed a soulful dawn for myself. I didn’t know that the dusk trails aren’t over for me yet. Few may proclaim that you need to move on. I do too. But I don’t have enough courage that Mr. Thomas Alva Edison had with himself to face 1000 failures before achieving success. There might be confusion on how I am relating Edison with my situation, but somewhere inside me I think I am right by comparing myself with him. I look around; find people on the internet that got to face circumstances that I have been facing now. I relate myself with them and try to figure out the best possible way to keep myself encouraged, moving, as I don’t want to stop. I have miles to go. I really don’t want to stop.

Things will turn out this way, I hadn’t thought. If I had sensed even a minute bit of this earlier, I would have stopped right then. I can’t scribble more. I learnt something. I learnt the difference between illusion, delusion and world around me at present. These three things often mingle together and delude our point of view, our conception. Bearing false conception which is likely to dishearten in near future should be prohibited. Thinking positive is something different. And I do support this. It is like; I don’t support people who think they can refill the toothpaste tube back with the paste that they eased off from it.
We must think, judge ourselves and our point of interests before we start considerations with them. These points of interests range from materialistic things to people alive and dead. We must not throw a blind faith on anyone.

Read More →

The Envelope

I was sleeping softly. My mom had dozed me off with one of her godly stories. I don’t remember how far I listened. I just remember what I dreamt of next. A wonderland, with supreme divinity all around; luscious petals and droplets covering their surfaces, were showering on my face. I can still smell that beauty. The light around suddenly became so bright that I had to close my eyes with my tiny little palms, but this didn’t cease my smile. Someone’s warm hand I felt which tried to get hold of my hands. I opened my eyes, offering him my both palms. His face hid the bright light coming from behind; I couldn’t see his face.
“Are you God?” I asked.
“I am a part of you”, came the reply, with depth in his voice.
“I need you” I remember what I had asked.
“And so do I”, his voice asserted.
“I am in search of my baby sister. My mom won’t let me go out and find her. Can you find her for me?” I questioned him.
I don’t remember what he said. I guess he didn’t say anything. I just saw the bright light fainting. A circular icy drop seemed to roll off from above, and landed on my nose. The drop sprinkled, I smiled. I knew he would help me.

…

I am 21 years old now, still the single child to my parents. Those intense and realistic dreams still incur persistently. I live them as if they are real, but in between I need to wake up. My mom continues to have faith in God. And she considers me his favorite child.

…

I spent my childhood as per the story I wrote for myself. I was led by my own creation of mind, something that I weaved out from my dreamland and believed them to be real. My mom knew that I wanted a sister. I often used to hold her by her hands and run towards TV whenever a cute little baby was there.
“Mom! When will my sister come?” I asked innocently.
“Arey ayegi beta”, she solaced me. She explained me again, that I was God’s favorite child and he had already witnessed my wish.
“He is going to surprise you soon son”, she jolted my head, and threw a smile. And then there was no limit to my happiness.

Read More →

Satisfaction

How confusing even the planned schema results into. An apple pie I ought to buy, but land feasting sweet corn soup. Its blue I love, and propose to get a new T-shirt in blue, but often finalize it for green. How environment affects sustainability is remarkable. And I am facing it. People I look around, along the corridor of my newly allotted hostel room, potpourri I find; not just with their activities but in terms of their wishes and aims. Aims have no limit, the higher you set it, the higher you work for it. Else just assembling your aims and worshiping them is worth nothing. 

I don’t know people out there are right or not, but they do carry a reasonable explanation for whatever they think of; for whatever their aim is to do after Engineering. Earlier I used to think that deciding the field of study after class Xth is the most crucial decision to make. I was wrong. There is still lot of important decisions to make regarding what to do after our Engineering gets completed. Amount of mentation people lay during the course of Engineering towards their future planning is just unfathomable. I had a clear vision of what I want and what I am working for. But sustainability seems to have gone affected by newly created surrounding here.

I never knew about those research options and institutes that they discussed about. Neither did I figure out what exactly is needed to get there. Probably they didn’t have the answer too. But their explanations were impressive. But I am confused if I am really impressed. Why would I go for research? I have dreamt of working like a workaholic in a higher software firm. Why should I considerate myself by their explanations? Preventing myself and trying to escape from the reality, I blame human nature to be the defaulter. Human has a tendency to get into believing something very soon. And with certain substantiation it becomes a truth for them easily. I think I am a human too.  

Among all irregularities in choices that one makes, among all foliated conceptions that lead an individual on a certain path, there is always one thing common: the end should be above satisfaction. But then, other than this, there is also another important factor that appraises your degree of satisfaction. Had you taken the path that ‘you’ wanted, to reach the ultimate? Were the perceptions 'your own' that you had scribbled permanently inside the real you, to get the ultimate? I still emphasize that self-satisfaction is the most crucial thing. And it is the ultimate goal that we run for. And the penultimate moral I slurped inside is :  there still lies satisfaction in facing the defeat which was by ‘your own’ choice, and not molded by 'others'.

Read More →

Fraudulent!

I have always been wondering, and often questioning myself about the significance of registration that our college arranges at the start of every semester. You miss the first allotted date for it and you will be compensating it with a fine of Rs 100 and uncountable other hassles. I kept thinking about it, deceiving myself by conferring this regulation as necessary and required while I headed towards auditorium today. I waited quite long in order to submit feedback form that is another unimportant thing that we need to do as one of the procedure to this registration. I regretted of having it done. My juniors were quite helpful there by providing feedback form slips for free which means I could have got my work done if I consulted them instead of legally queuing myself up. It ended, and so did my condolence against my conceptions. Registrations like these have no meanings. Yes I agree with what Mr. Shiv Khera has been consistently telling me to do through his book, which is about thinking positively about everything that goes around you. I agree! But I disagreed it today. I tried to think positive but cons won. Really, I still think that registration like this in our college has no meaning and no importance at all. If this is so important then it is advisable for our college to get this done online. I guarantee, they won’t make this happen ever. Monetary advantages through fines on later dates can never be curbed here in our college. On the contrary, if they agree to start procedures online, I am ready to program the webpage for them :D. And that too for free!!! :P 

I wonder again. How much more time would be with us to stay at home, if we could register the crap online. Internet is already full of loads of crap; added one more won’t disturb the balance :D. And then it would be bearable too for us. This is what I think. A different fella from our college, quite serious about attending classes and having falsely built trust on college management will disagree with me somewhere. I don’t know. May be he/she would disprove me everywhere, on every note that I ringed. But who cares! Only one think I care is to add something to what a general theory is about building a positive attitude. Let me cite an example which will make things clearer. You may assume that you are homeless but still quite positive about that. Is it worth? Wont it be nice if you effort to build a home for yourself, keeping your attitude sound and your facet positive? I think the latter is going to work much better.

Well I would love to know what my friends think about this. And what significance they think is coming out from contemporary open cheating procedures on us…  

Read More →