His life as a Shadow

His life as a shadow… The part of his life which wandered to find its existence in light. Each day, with the Sun in the sky, he was there, with its intensity dependent on the gleaming source of light. He crossed by every road, and people kept the distance, afraid of their sacred quintessence to get polluted. The shadow knew the only sacred quintessence that ever existed in this world was Love. The love in people’s heart would never intersect the path that shadow followed. The shadow would contemplate, over-think, and when he could no longer conclude a definite reason, he would get drowned in glasses of darkness.

He felt safer there, in those glasses of darkness, as darkness numbed his feelings and prevented him to seek Love. Love is a thirst for him, to be loved, to be embraced in warmth of arms, to be felt over the hearty bosom. But who could have explained him, that shadows can never be embraced, they can never be hugged… While the cat’s crossing the road before sanity of love in people’s heart is blamed a bad omen, the shadow’s urge to be loved was treated as a disease, that potentially had the efficacy to disturb the balance of love in the world.

The shadow had a theory, that this world is fixated on one of the pan of a universal balance, on the other pan sits love. This universal balance is under control of the almighty, and love is a blessing that the almighty has gifted people with. Love in each of the people’s heart accumulated together, in form of a big ball, sits on the other pan of the universal balance and maintains the scale to neutral position. If ever someone shared their love with the shadow, the scale of this balance will fluctuate, and the pan where this world sits will be endangered. People don’t wish that to happen, and want to keep their home safe.

The shadow questioned himself, if sharing love with him endangered the world’s existence on the balance, then why not grow more love, the extra part, and make that for the parched shadow. He couldn’t find the answer, and he soaked himself in the glass of darkness to relax, to numb his senses and feelings.

The shadow feels himself complete in the darkness, healed, and relaxed. Though still thirsty, but he feasts on the never ending darkness, instead of Love that he longs for. The light discriminates him, for the odd that he has within. This is the story of his life as a 'Shadow'.

(Image Courtesy : Google Images Search)

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Search for the life

As the train takes me through the darkness

My eyes search for the light,

To find in the thickets

If somewhere the life survives.

Rattling of wheels on tracks,

Keeps me mused and awake

Against the envelope of sleep

Embraced over the stretches of darkness.

Blindfolded on my open eyes

My ears make me see now;

Bridges, tunnels, plains…

All I hear, and in my mind I see.

But where is the life?

That, I can’t see.

I search for the light

To find in the thickets

If somewhere the life survives.

In sky is embellished,

Stars and the pearly moon.

And the rest is swallowed

In the endless depths of darkness

Through which I am moving

And in them my eyes keep looking

For if I can find light.

Who knows…

Somewhere out there the life still survives.

Image Courtesy: Google Images Search

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Into the city that never sleeps

Mumbai and its people, their lives advance in chaos. Where is peace? Broad roads that never get vacuous, present a lively example of Marathon for life. The rich and the poor meet at road signals, and their meet lasts till the time the red is not green. Be it chawls, or the multistorey apartments, or be it Mumbai’s sea beaches, everywhere people are present in abundance, occupied by aims and goals of their own lives. The most intriguing thing about its people is the will to work harder. They focus on their goals and keep chasing them, and the rest they never care for. Emotions are present in them too, but the spirit to move on in life is instilled at the roots and that overpowers the pains. 

The archaic fervor mixed in the modern Indian life style at Mumbai, is a must to experience. In my three days tour of Mumbai, I experienced a portion of it. Presenting few of my amateur photographed shots at Mumbai. 

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Puja in Phailin

Vijaya Dashmi, the symbol of victory of good over evil, has gone off the hood of festivity, and it seems the zeal has weakened among the wide span of people. Nine days of festive mood took the turn otherwise and led the grudge sprawl across the eastern India in form of cyclone Phailin. Other than the major devastation which the devil with more than 200kmph speed caused in Andhra Pradesh and Odisha, now decreased at the speed of 45-50 kmph is moving across Bihar and affecting the region with heavy rainfall. The end to these nine days of celebrations, bestowed with offerings in form of vrat and worship, will result into a dull day full of hopelessness in a closed room was never expected by me.

It has been more than 35 hours, proper supply of electricity has not been restored in Patna. Last night we compromised with no electricity and scarce supply of water left in our tanks. Today too, with two hours of electricity only, the compromise continued. I have made a notion, which at this situation seems so apt. ‘The Good has certainly stopped winning over the Bad.’ :D Unburnt residuals of giant Ravana at Gandhi Maidan today in this weather, might infer the same. :P

5 years back, those days when I was still in school, the zeal for Puja used to be different. The height of festivity was not only high for me, but I could sense that among the masses on the road too very easily. Time has changed now, interests have been manipulated. I roamed half of the Patna on Maha-Ashtami, but couldn't find the essence that still lingers at the back of my mind. Where has the honesty crept in? Why do the rituals at the front appear superficial on the thick coat of disguise?

In the state/nation where the status of women is jeopardized, I am confused why so much of pom-pom for Durga Puja? On Navmi ( the ninth day of Durga Puja), the devotee invites Kunwari Kanya (maiden) to feed them as a ritual which completes the nine days of worship. Whats the need for such a falsification outside, when no respect and dignity stays inside. Be it a regular day, or within the crowd of Durga Puja on the road, eve-teasing and illicit comments are very much common. The intentions in the eyes and glances itself tell the whole story. I pick up my previous notion and refine it a bit. ‘The Good is not left to the extent that it can win over the extolling Bad’.

Electricity is yet to come. It’s raining hard outside. The laptop power I saved is almost over now.  
I pray everyone stays safe, and for them who suffered the blows of Phailin in Andhra and Odisha may get rehabilitated soon. I pray the mother to bestow kindness, and help us stay honest to ourselves.

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Dream-Catchers

Dreams are moving pictures developed in our subconscious, and triggered to display before us, irrespective of our state which could be asleep, or awoken. Is it necessary to go asleep before you can visualize the longing of yours? Those subdued desires clenched under strands of incompetence, helplessness? From the pool of wants, even though fraction volume of it gets fulfilled somehow, but that doesn’t helps to lessen the occupancy of the mysterious container…

I narrow my vision, and broaden it at places, and conclude collectively, however big or small dreams be, we run after it physically or mentally. It accounts for the efforts that are laid, and its efficiency, which ultimately makes you the achiever or let you stay a dreamer in turmoils. At this juncture I wonder, what about those dreams, that can turn into reality with efforts of letting no stones unturned, but it gets targeted by some who bear an objective to demolish the success that might result of those efforts. I dream, they dream too. Is it the clash of dreams? Or is it the clash of wants? Is there a midway between Dreams and Wants which separate them as the two different entities?

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Brain-sick's Diary >> Inhuman

Against the one I love the most, even to hear a small word of offence fills me with anger that I can’t subdue. The wrath of my placid soul fights against spoilt demeanor against the one whom I home inside me. How can I not? The tiny and weak strands of friendship, which I stood holding calling them to be considerate and fortunate for me, were mere delusion. I never thought they would pain me like the unhealed wound getting unstitched. From the day, till the evening, the obstinacy of my heart to never forgive them is getting more pronounced. It seems even if I pour myself into the glass of momentary alcoholic relief, my soul won’t settle down at peace.

The society seems to be on the consistent downfall in terms of humanism. Ranging from ways to communicate with colleagues to ways of being presentable in front of others, every trait of human in the socialized scale has been suffering setbacks in quality. How come has this degradation brought into existence? The slightest wisdom that bifurcates the ways to protest or to present disagreement and to abusively criticize someone has gone in vain. It seems they don’t understand what they are doing, is it disagreeing or is it abusing?

I had been clubbed with these thoughts all hours today. And I can’t let the one living inside me break down in tears. Because if it does, that would come as a calamity to me. I am that protective shield whose significance lies till the life it protects is jovially alive. And if it’s not, then for what shall I live for?

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Enigmatic

I twitch the bliss of the virtue

I cramp it hard with pain,

Like a curse you can’t undo.

I learn the bad, I overlook the good

With invincible force of the knight,

I run across the sprawls of the falsehood.

I only hurled Satan’s spell on people

I never uttered a single word to soothe

I am the murderer of Love in hearts,

Accountable for downswing of their mood.

In my kingdom of Darkness

I deepen the reach of the poisonous pool

In which humanity ceases to exist,

And banquets on honesty’s fuel.

Pool’s depth gains with every evil I commit

With every incantation I submit.

Like I am the Czar of affright,

I swim in its every inch

With all my might.

I don’t bear any physical existence,

I am just a fiend of dominance

Inside the hollows of a man…



Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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Rain/Rein of Corruption...

When did it start, how did it start?… It must have been initially a sole betrayal against morals of an individual. Gradually over the tides of time the spoilt soul would have propagated and infected other saint blood with its fangs. And the consequence is the deadly disease that we have carried over to this century, to our generations, and it’s certain to get carried over to the upcoming offsprings too. What disease is this? Corruption!

This disease, incurable in terms of any revolution that failed on its objectives, seems to have jabbed down its teeth into every organization working at present. This organization not just lies in the realms of society working under private or government ownership, but I am also talking of the organization that one manages within oneself. To me, a person is also an organization which works under the principles and as per the objectives laid down by him. The mode of leadership against oneself is however self-controlled, guided by the juices flowing in one’s head. We, the tiny organization carrying within ourselves, form the grass root level of any big enterprise. When the foundation is corrupt, how cannot the entire enterprise?

Each day starts with betrayal, with a sense of deceit somewhere. Look at yourself, look around you, are you able to segregate completely from the web of corruption? Corruption is like a big tanker installed at the city top, filled up to the brim by us with acid of mild nature but of consistency to decay us slowly. I am afraid, but it rains over the entire city 24x7, all 365 days.

Take a little time out of your schedule, and think of the journey you made so far… How much do you calculate your contribution in the tanker full corruption to be? We can comment, satire and abuse the politicians, but they are used to it. There is no good in doing that. Human cells get mutated easily, and so have politician's, and hence they never feel the guilt and shame. Instead, we should try to mend the loopholes in organizations within ourselves. This is the only option to work upon, and that can fetch substantial results.

Why is the life of human so greedy? Does human race need to start learning from other animal races all over again?


Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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The Open Window...

(Click on Image to Enlarge)

On closing my eyes, I fill thick brooded meshes in my lungs with air… I hold it for a while, pushing it a little further, until I can hold it no more. Freshness sprouting outside my open window descends deep down into me… Perhaps, its spring; I can see through the open window, trees ladened with new leaves and buds; birds chirruping, squeaking around in happy-playful mood. Jolly squirrel nests on the tree too, jumping from branch to branch. Sometime they stop by at the open window, staring at my partially lit face.

Can I be ever free? I have been captive under chains of my psychotic mind. Along every perspectived dimension in my mind, there jolts clumsy curiosity; the curiosity to arrive at a clue to freedom, a way to cut bars in the open window, to dissolve the tiny autumn within me and dilute it into the sprawling spring outside.

Tools made out of elemental love, I have used enough. Adamant chains tied around my torso don’t listen to them. In the environs of spooky silent nights, my imaginary friend visits me. He preaches to carve my tools out from hatred, assuring the success on blood soiled chains. Morally fed soul of mine ravages at this juncture; it still trusts in love, although yet to recover from past injuries bought in the love’s conspiracy.

The sunlight is warm, grazing over green trees outside the open window. At a certain time of the day, the Sun bathes my dark pestered room, throwing a shine of hope on my face. It’s the time when my friend in my shadow visits me. He shares his thoughts with me, conjuring me about life; What is life?

As the Sun rises up in the sky, friend in my shadow recedes, and he is away when its all dark again. He left me a note yesterday… When the Sun was bathing me in a spotlight of hope today at its time, I read the note:

“Life is beautiful outside your open window. Free yourself from the chains that never physically existed. Free yourself from the captivity laid by chains of your diverse mind. I am waiting, outside your open window….                                                  -Anshul"

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The Journey...

Its album ‘Passions’ by Ghazal Maestro, Late Shree Jagjit Singh, playing on my computer while I am typing this. And the lyrics is conforming with emotions once I had. It was my first semester break, and I was going back home, in Gujarat. I had tried to cage my emotions within sheets of my notebook, somewhere which remains in its hideous isolation now.Then, I was different, from what I am now. At least I had tears, and I could spill them when I needed. Now even after million tries, I don’t get any. I wish, if I could feel light, bursting out from the complex lockage in my brains.

I was travelling alone, and I talked with myself all through the journey. And the reciprocation of turbulence of thoughts was imprisoned within certain pages. I stopped by at those pages today, while I was tearing them off before putting them on fire. And the pages read :

I sit still, and scenes through my window ‘pass’ by. 

Like projection of memories on walls, 

Glimpses of my existence in them pass by.

The distant horizon moves with me, like the ultimate goal in my life. 

Hills and its ranges, terrain rough and sprawling solitude pass by.

I watch as a viewer, terrains where I had been. 

Scraped pieces of my loneliness, my jobless thoughts in them pass by.

Rivulets in their topsy-turvy curves, 

Meeting and dividing; behold my soul. 

Kinships I had and pain of their losses pass by.

Away from solitude, my eyes snap at commotion,

As the city in energy passes by.

Of all few causes that put us down,

Million reasons to rise and smile pass by.

The obstinacy to laugh, promises to shine pass by.

The shine is in our goal, and the journey is our road to shine.

I still still, and scenes through my window pass by.

I close my eyes slowly,

Dazzles of glistens, sparks of enticement,

Fervor in my goals ‘waltz’ by.

Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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The Ebook Library

Books are the major source of knowledge. Whatever your course may be, how big, how small, it doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the knowledge that we need to acquire in order to get ourselves going in it. I am an Engineering student; my field of study is Computer Science. Being a geeky chit-chatter on web, and as a mindful student of technology, I keep myself attached with upcoming technologies. Not a single day passes when I don’t get to know something new on the web. Newsletters from various sites that I have subscribed to, keep gathering in my inbox. Thanks to almost never ending space that Gmail has been providing us with. Sometimes I overlook some messages; however I try not to miss any of them. Delay may be, but I try to make out some time to go through them. Interest of such a kind, and a thirst to conquer excellence, keeps me awake. Surrounded with books that I wish to read some day, expecting that day to near soon, I keep thinking; innovating. These days, YouTube video tutorials have been of great help to me. I would like to thank few of my online gurus, like EliTheComputerGuy and Bucky at thenewboston. Their youtube channels taught me a lot.

“Mam! I was wondering if I could get that HTML 5 book, by Oreilly, GooglePress”.
“Really? Do we have that book in library”, our librarian asked.
“Yes mam! We do have. I just saw its reading copy above. Please do help me by issuing me that book”, I requested her.
“Let me see. Ok you do one thing, come next week, I will keep a copy ready for you to be issued”, she asserted throwing a smile at me.
I am no miser at throwing smiles as well. “Thanks mam! I will be here next week”.

Actually ebooks are like blessings for IT guys like us. We can’t manage to purchase every book, even though they are important. Downloading them through net and turning pages electronically is also turning a habit now. I wish the habit to get permanent soon. It would be a boon for me. But still, contemporary reading style and ease drives us towards paper editions of books. And this very thought stepped my foots towards library that I rarely visit.

“Mam! As you said, I am here after one week. Would you please issue me HTML 5 book, the one that I had asked you for?”
“HTML? Here is one book, it’s on HTML as well”, she replied.
“But Mam, I want HTML 5. Its older version of HTML, version 4, the one that I studied when I was in class Xth. I am in 3^rd year of Btech at present”, I replied politely.
“Arrey! Version 4, version 5 sab ek hi hai, grab this one otherwise someone else would get it issued”, she asserted as if she knows everything about that book.
“Thank you very much mam! I think I won’t issue that book. Thanks again.”

Lack of resources in your engineering college will pinch you throughout your stay at the college. If you get placed in campus placement drive, these feeling will mold them in certain different dimension. And if you are in some private college like I am in, lack of resources actually turns depressive. At least books should be provided adequate in number and of sufficient variety. Just putting a reading copy for the reading room is of no gain. Neither can I clarify my needs; neither can they impress me on what they have.
Ebooks are the only choice that I am left with. Dark spots around my eyes may be consequent effect, but I have no other choice. I have built a virtual library on my laptop. It bears massive collections of ebooks and total size occupied is about 21.8 gb; still increasing. :D

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People (A Techie's Insights)

May be then he was different. He doesn’t seem to me the same what I earlier used to percept. But still dominated by his sick habits, he is antagonistic to me. These factors twisted me, and carried me away finally…

I used to be a loner then. Probably he is now. I am always surrounded with people nowadays. I am successful in keeping myself willingly busy in my routines and subroutines. 

Being a computer science student, my daily plans tend to get affected by sub routines. A halt to current process and acknowledgement for some current subroutine invocation rearrange my entire day. I am not a CPU literally where ALU and CU circuited to build the best performance. However I fight to beat the best, no matter what the end result turn out to be. Machines are what we program them to do; they abide and revolt quite a few times; rarely. We are turning into a machine itself this way, always wishing for the result that we seem to have programmed for ourselves. The real times existence and realization of true conditions are still well perceived and interpreted by humans only; and not by the puppet replica that we designed to work for us. The stroke of disappointment and clutches of anxiety never lose their tie ups with us. Probably this has turned out as a result of machinery instincts that we have habituated in ourselves. We need perfection and accuracy. I say we need success each time. Deviation from it brings unwanted clouds.

No doubt, I have turned into a machine myself too, but I am an exception here. I seek internet connection before Clouds can play with my life. I will be much happier with my tiny flash drive than to enroll myself in despaired clouds.

Well he is really not just the same. May be my traversal away to a distant far land had brought this change. I recall how MAC killed DOS. How traversal of Ubuntu and other FOSS closer towards us has been pushing Windows out from the scene. The same way he seems to have gone affected too. My program counter keeps ticking and I have been noticing his steps around. Dulcet face, no lit in eyes and a horrible smile to please me.

 

Sometimes updating the extensibility of your software rescues you, but other times a completely different platform may solve your issues. I have complied with the latter. And I can see the effects on my previous roommate. :D 

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My College Life - Phase 1

10^th of August 2010, the day was. We had our orientation ceremony at college’s auditorium. From the next day our classes were to begin. I was late by two days. I couldn’t attend the orientation day neither could I attend the first class of my first semester. I came to know about that orientation ceremony when my mates narrated me later. Few called it boring, like every auditorium function that I am seeing since then, but few called that very much fascinating it was. I can understand; college organizes a function and that also to welcome the first years, so they are most likely going to like it, not because it is good at entertaining them or pertaining to their academics but because of the zeal and energy first year has. I couldn’t be there to watch so I shall not comment much on it. 'BCET' printed on a pen we got, and a letter from our director. The letter had a context in which he told us not to be oversensitive. It did contain few things more, but this very one I can’t forget anyhow, at least after seeing whatever I have seen till now in college.

That was not the first time when I was to live away from home. I was in Bansal Classes, Kota, for one year. Preparations and attention towards my goal couldn’t lead me to glory. I dreamt of ‘Kharagpur’ and fell in ‘Durgapur’ at last. I was very shy to accept that I was there in Kota when people in college asked me where I did the preparation. Not shy but very much shameful I used to feel talking about it. Now I have learnt to accept my defeat.  And I don’t hesitate telling them. It is not that now I have turned shameless. It is so because I have learnt to accept the truth.

There was one thing that worried me the most. I had never shared my room with anybody. I am doing that very well now. But then things were different; I was different. I was not sure of how I would be adjusting with someone I didn’t know, with someone whose nature I was not sure of what kind it was. I met him in the evening, his name is Sheikh Nehar, and he is still my roommate. He is a decent guy. I never had anything to complain about him the entire first year. There are several memorable moments that we have seen together, and we are still seeing.:)
After I settled my bags and baggage in my wardrobe, I went for a shower. The journey of 1147 miles was very much tiring and I was almost sapped out. I thought of having a shower. I can’t figure out what actually was over me then. I entered the bathroom and I cried. I cried loud in shower but not loud enough to get heard outside. I was missing my mom, my dad. I was thinking where I had reached. It was not worth for what I did. There were so many things for which I found myself culprit. Water splashes mingled with my tears and tried to lessen its presence, and then entered a silent part of me into me, that did the secret discussions whenever I was lonely. That silent part is still within me...

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Happy Facebooking... :)

Advent of facebook has affected us. It has affected us with our way of living. It has its effect upon the way we used to share our day to day incidents. And the most important effect which I think is, on our friendship with people. It has provided a bridge for friendship. And through that bridge, reaching out people has become very easy.

Now my each morning begins with few tappings on my phone to open facebook, and check for my latest notifications there. Similar is the case with most of us. Just think that if facebook was not around, how our way of living would have existed then? It would have lived then still contemporary. No new quick friends, no sharing of thoughts on a common platform and outdistanced people distanced away forever. Luckily facebook edited our living and made it more social.

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