Brain-sick's Diary #3 >> Cold Emotions

I am swimming in a pool of thoughts. In a silent room, doors closed, panes in windows shut, and lights from my laptop screen is the only source; unveiling a part of my face, more of my hands on the keyboard. With denial of connection somehow with brains, here is something my heart wants to spill out. Its my birthday today. And I am wondering, why did the God select me for my mom. Could this not have happened that some other baby was lucky enough to get into my mom’s womb? Why it was me?
There are questions that are unanswerable. Then I wonder why do such questions have to exist, when answers to them are never found. My mind throttles deep down into such thoughts, mesmerizing me with unanswerable questions.
On my headphone, its Coldplay playing… 'Fix you'.

‘When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse…

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?’

How true this song is. I cant explain the sufferings, affection that got killed, in course of events that I faced and left them behind on my timeline. But somewhere, I lie struck in reverse. Is the past so dear that we tend to overlook the pleasant and optimistic present? The formidable past, that’s what heart believes, keeps poking from under the veil of sewn stitches. 

It has been quite a span, and I haven’t come up here with a post that’s significant. It was this song by Coldplay, that pushed my fingers onto the keyboard, and pinned down emotions of abstract blend on my blog.

I have been busy with my work, my college, my tries at photography and in mesh of complex thoughts. But I expect to come back here with colors in poetry… 

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The Journey...

Its album ‘Passions’ by Ghazal Maestro, Late Shree Jagjit Singh, playing on my computer while I am typing this. And the lyrics is conforming with emotions once I had. It was my first semester break, and I was going back home, in Gujarat. I had tried to cage my emotions within sheets of my notebook, somewhere which remains in its hideous isolation now.Then, I was different, from what I am now. At least I had tears, and I could spill them when I needed. Now even after million tries, I don’t get any. I wish, if I could feel light, bursting out from the complex lockage in my brains.

I was travelling alone, and I talked with myself all through the journey. And the reciprocation of turbulence of thoughts was imprisoned within certain pages. I stopped by at those pages today, while I was tearing them off before putting them on fire. And the pages read :

I sit still, and scenes through my window ‘pass’ by. 

Like projection of memories on walls, 

Glimpses of my existence in them pass by.

The distant horizon moves with me, like the ultimate goal in my life. 

Hills and its ranges, terrain rough and sprawling solitude pass by.

I watch as a viewer, terrains where I had been. 

Scraped pieces of my loneliness, my jobless thoughts in them pass by.

Rivulets in their topsy-turvy curves, 

Meeting and dividing; behold my soul. 

Kinships I had and pain of their losses pass by.

Away from solitude, my eyes snap at commotion,

As the city in energy passes by.

Of all few causes that put us down,

Million reasons to rise and smile pass by.

The obstinacy to laugh, promises to shine pass by.

The shine is in our goal, and the journey is our road to shine.

I still still, and scenes through my window pass by.

I close my eyes slowly,

Dazzles of glistens, sparks of enticement,

Fervor in my goals ‘waltz’ by.

Image Courtesy : Google Images Search

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New Leaflets

Innocence in stipules,

The novelty in its shade

Pigmented in green

Lustrous in rays from Sun,

Waves in the air

Flimsy and translucent leaflets.

Born from the old stem

Brown and rigid,

Textured with experiences

It gained in a long time.

Leaflets breeze joy,

Pacify the previous pain

Sprinkling the newness in air

Freshening the surrounding

With ambiance of liveliness,

Like notes from sitar

Played in an early morning,

Solacing our mind

Healing the anguish

Descending into our ruptured soul.

Who cares, who plucked the leaf

Who pinned the giant in pain,

New leaflets must come

And breathe in life again.

The nature and its laws

Leaflets acquaint well.

Life has to move on,

With the newness, each new day

And prosper towards future

Till the pigment stays green.

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Glitters on the New Year's Eve

In this coming newness

Bloom the flower of joy

In the garden of your life.

Fill your mug till its brink

With intoxicating happiness.

Lets say cheers to new aspirations

And imbibe it down,

Deep into our lives.

In this coming newness,

Above all religion,

Abide by laws of friendship.

Spread the song of love.

Tap your feet on solacing tunes

From strings of virtuousness.

Come!

Join my party,

Enroll into my resolution.

In this coming newness,

It’s an oath to Stay Human.

I wish you all, a very happy new year!

I present you a Laughing Buddha, for your never ending happiness. :)

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Photo-Snippets -> 'Nestling Happiness'

Happiness existed in small things,
In a world which was itself small,
But it could fly;
Dreamy leaps with fairy wings.
In that world, views were pure
And so were goals.
Sacred emotions
Without fear,
Life was a child’s play.

I wish, If I could get my childhood back!

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Photo-Snippets -> 'Bird of Passage'

I am a wanderer
Lost in the wilderness
Off the desolated road,
Into the sprawling realms.
On the brink, 
At the edge of my life,
The road will project me
Into an outer space where
Nix will be emotions.
I expect to meet someone
In that absolute emptiness;
My ultimate pacifier.
That shall end my Journey,
My never meandering.

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Santa Claus is coming...

I am waiting for him to come,

My stare at door is pinned.

With bells and songs playing,

Infantile wishes are blooming.

Santa Claus is coming…

My family is together,

Ribboned in love & prayer.

The pine tree is glistening,

Solacing my eyes & insisting.

Santa Claus is coming…

Two merry blue eyes he has,

Snowy beard and a warm heart.

I have kept my door open,

I can hear him singing,

Santa Claus is coming…

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Brain-sick's Diary #1 >> Expectations

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”

I read this quote somewhere on Internet. I was trying to join my friend’s fan page, but some cross-links came forward and carried me away from Facebook. I transfixed my eyes, shook my heart, as the words started crawling in multiple spheres of my mind.
What’s wrong with it? The quotation just screamed out the truth!

How can human sustain without expectations? This was the food for my thought on my way back to home from our nearest grocery store.
If I purchase a packet of biscuit, I have some expectation about its taste.
Even the old lady at store expects me to come back again for some more shopping. I can read from sparkles in her eyes each time she bids me bye. How can one say that they hate expectations.

I kept walking tardily, my feet freezing and denying any movement further. But it was stringent thoughts which kept my mind busy, obscured from wants of my legs. I entered my house, even forgot to close the door. I was back to my senses only then when my mom started chiding upon me for not having purchased some butter. She chided some more when her hairs started to swirl and ruffle from the strong cold wind that came through the open door.
I looked back at the open door. I realized, there is always some purpose behind every instance. The Butter! I knew it wont be easy, but I must go. I slammed the door from outside, and it banged.

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