The Friendship Day| 2012

The first Sunday of August, and I thought it to be a regular Sunday, until the time I opened Facebook. Yes the tagging day, the friendship day you call it. Keep juggling with your friend’s emotions throughout the year and on this day bouquet them your love, showing how much depth you have in your friendship.
This friendship day had certain distance bought for me. I already have very few people around me whom I consider to be trust worthy. I am very miser in creating friends. I fear to get betrayed and so I keep myself away from the causes that lead to betrayal. However, even after the cautious measures, my foot slips sometimes.

I thought I can blow away what happened yesterday, and proposed a soulful dawn for myself. I didn’t know that the dusk trails aren’t over for me yet. Few may proclaim that you need to move on. I do too. But I don’t have enough courage that Mr. Thomas Alva Edison had with himself to face 1000 failures before achieving success. There might be confusion on how I am relating Edison with my situation, but somewhere inside me I think I am right by comparing myself with him. I look around; find people on the internet that got to face circumstances that I have been facing now. I relate myself with them and try to figure out the best possible way to keep myself encouraged, moving, as I don’t want to stop. I have miles to go. I really don’t want to stop.

Things will turn out this way, I hadn’t thought. If I had sensed even a minute bit of this earlier, I would have stopped right then. I can’t scribble more. I learnt something. I learnt the difference between illusion, delusion and world around me at present. These three things often mingle together and delude our point of view, our conception. Bearing false conception which is likely to dishearten in near future should be prohibited. Thinking positive is something different. And I do support this. It is like; I don’t support people who think they can refill the toothpaste tube back with the paste that they eased off from it.
We must think, judge ourselves and our point of interests before we start considerations with them. These points of interests range from materialistic things to people alive and dead. We must not throw a blind faith on anyone.

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The Envelope

I was sleeping softly. My mom had dozed me off with one of her godly stories. I don’t remember how far I listened. I just remember what I dreamt of next. A wonderland, with supreme divinity all around; luscious petals and droplets covering their surfaces, were showering on my face. I can still smell that beauty. The light around suddenly became so bright that I had to close my eyes with my tiny little palms, but this didn’t cease my smile. Someone’s warm hand I felt which tried to get hold of my hands. I opened my eyes, offering him my both palms. His face hid the bright light coming from behind; I couldn’t see his face.
“Are you God?” I asked.
“I am a part of you”, came the reply, with depth in his voice.
“I need you” I remember what I had asked.
“And so do I”, his voice asserted.
“I am in search of my baby sister. My mom won’t let me go out and find her. Can you find her for me?” I questioned him.
I don’t remember what he said. I guess he didn’t say anything. I just saw the bright light fainting. A circular icy drop seemed to roll off from above, and landed on my nose. The drop sprinkled, I smiled. I knew he would help me.

…

I am 21 years old now, still the single child to my parents. Those intense and realistic dreams still incur persistently. I live them as if they are real, but in between I need to wake up. My mom continues to have faith in God. And she considers me his favorite child.

…

I spent my childhood as per the story I wrote for myself. I was led by my own creation of mind, something that I weaved out from my dreamland and believed them to be real. My mom knew that I wanted a sister. I often used to hold her by her hands and run towards TV whenever a cute little baby was there.
“Mom! When will my sister come?” I asked innocently.
“Arey ayegi beta”, she solaced me. She explained me again, that I was God’s favorite child and he had already witnessed my wish.
“He is going to surprise you soon son”, she jolted my head, and threw a smile. And then there was no limit to my happiness.

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Satisfaction

How confusing even the planned schema results into. An apple pie I ought to buy, but land feasting sweet corn soup. Its blue I love, and propose to get a new T-shirt in blue, but often finalize it for green. How environment affects sustainability is remarkable. And I am facing it. People I look around, along the corridor of my newly allotted hostel room, potpourri I find; not just with their activities but in terms of their wishes and aims. Aims have no limit, the higher you set it, the higher you work for it. Else just assembling your aims and worshiping them is worth nothing. 

I don’t know people out there are right or not, but they do carry a reasonable explanation for whatever they think of; for whatever their aim is to do after Engineering. Earlier I used to think that deciding the field of study after class Xth is the most crucial decision to make. I was wrong. There is still lot of important decisions to make regarding what to do after our Engineering gets completed. Amount of mentation people lay during the course of Engineering towards their future planning is just unfathomable. I had a clear vision of what I want and what I am working for. But sustainability seems to have gone affected by newly created surrounding here.

I never knew about those research options and institutes that they discussed about. Neither did I figure out what exactly is needed to get there. Probably they didn’t have the answer too. But their explanations were impressive. But I am confused if I am really impressed. Why would I go for research? I have dreamt of working like a workaholic in a higher software firm. Why should I considerate myself by their explanations? Preventing myself and trying to escape from the reality, I blame human nature to be the defaulter. Human has a tendency to get into believing something very soon. And with certain substantiation it becomes a truth for them easily. I think I am a human too.  

Among all irregularities in choices that one makes, among all foliated conceptions that lead an individual on a certain path, there is always one thing common: the end should be above satisfaction. But then, other than this, there is also another important factor that appraises your degree of satisfaction. Had you taken the path that ‘you’ wanted, to reach the ultimate? Were the perceptions 'your own' that you had scribbled permanently inside the real you, to get the ultimate? I still emphasize that self-satisfaction is the most crucial thing. And it is the ultimate goal that we run for. And the penultimate moral I slurped inside is :  there still lies satisfaction in facing the defeat which was by ‘your own’ choice, and not molded by 'others'.

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Fraudulent!

I have always been wondering, and often questioning myself about the significance of registration that our college arranges at the start of every semester. You miss the first allotted date for it and you will be compensating it with a fine of Rs 100 and uncountable other hassles. I kept thinking about it, deceiving myself by conferring this regulation as necessary and required while I headed towards auditorium today. I waited quite long in order to submit feedback form that is another unimportant thing that we need to do as one of the procedure to this registration. I regretted of having it done. My juniors were quite helpful there by providing feedback form slips for free which means I could have got my work done if I consulted them instead of legally queuing myself up. It ended, and so did my condolence against my conceptions. Registrations like these have no meanings. Yes I agree with what Mr. Shiv Khera has been consistently telling me to do through his book, which is about thinking positively about everything that goes around you. I agree! But I disagreed it today. I tried to think positive but cons won. Really, I still think that registration like this in our college has no meaning and no importance at all. If this is so important then it is advisable for our college to get this done online. I guarantee, they won’t make this happen ever. Monetary advantages through fines on later dates can never be curbed here in our college. On the contrary, if they agree to start procedures online, I am ready to program the webpage for them :D. And that too for free!!! :P 

I wonder again. How much more time would be with us to stay at home, if we could register the crap online. Internet is already full of loads of crap; added one more won’t disturb the balance :D. And then it would be bearable too for us. This is what I think. A different fella from our college, quite serious about attending classes and having falsely built trust on college management will disagree with me somewhere. I don’t know. May be he/she would disprove me everywhere, on every note that I ringed. But who cares! Only one think I care is to add something to what a general theory is about building a positive attitude. Let me cite an example which will make things clearer. You may assume that you are homeless but still quite positive about that. Is it worth? Wont it be nice if you effort to build a home for yourself, keeping your attitude sound and your facet positive? I think the latter is going to work much better.

Well I would love to know what my friends think about this. And what significance they think is coming out from contemporary open cheating procedures on us…  

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Caterpillar Tread

I was away for the sake of studies. I have always been away for my studies. And this semester, I didn’t even go back my home. It was for the sake of my studies. I am in a position where I can’t judge if living away from home is worth exchangeable with something. Because there is something so worth that you get living close to your family, with your mom and dad. I had recently had this sacrifice by not going home. This was for the sake of my studies.

Although I continued to live happily being among with some of my close friends, but then, there was something missing. It was kind of less salt in my daily food. It’s not that I literally take too much of salt in my food. It is just an expression I want to express. Less of salt, and I am not enjoying it. This prevailed and I continued to be hauled. I did learn, I did smile, I did enjoy. But I hauled. This was for the sake of my studies.

I have a tendency to get attached to things very soon. It doesn’t means literally getting glued to something. Rather I want to satire on myself. I develop sentimental feelings towards all those things that get around me. Earlier I used to hate my hostel. I had loads of complains of varied forms. While I was away, I realized how much I missed it. How much of dirt bits I missed which were somewhere pearls for me. Two years I have spent till now in my college’s hostel. And in these two years I have learned how to live alone. What is my own stand against people, what I like and what I don’t, and many things more. I have got to know myself here. What I am, is what I be in my hostel. Elsewhere it seems its not me. After the semester exams were over, I had to leave. But I didn’t go home. I lived with my colleagues. This was for the sake of my studies.

Now nearly after one month, our hostel has reopened. And I was the first to step in. I arrived here one week earlier and was waiting for the warden to allot me my new room, asking him every now and then that when he will be doing so. I owe tons of thanks to him as he allowed me to stay in hostel without any hassle even when all hostels were closed officially. Today I shifted to my new room. I am sitting by my window, enjoying the view, typing like a maniac. But then I recall, I have my Java tuition class today. I need to stop this crap here. This is for the sake of my studies.

Image Courtesy: Google Image Search

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Smiles :)

Smiles are treasures that have its stretches in between edges of our lips. But the impressions it can lay is unfathomable. A mood setter or flowery ambience creator I should say, but the terminology can’t be better defined, it can be felt on our every lively cell. This is what the action smile refers to. Rather than just being an emotion, it is like an intervention which focuses blooming. And the blooming refers fondness; the fondness of something, anything or it could be just nothing. Smile is an emotion that interposes bad times and good times. There is no obligation for smiles. On the contrary, it’s a saving plus income you do without any necessary taxes against them. Benefits are innumerable. Results are colorful.

Will it be right if I compare smiles with Holi? Holi is an Indian festival, a festival of colors. Splatter and plunge others in colors, and in process we get drenched in them too. Showering smiles is a festivity where you color others and get colored yourself indeed. A token that says more than many words has been coined in smiles. Do share it and you will prosper.  

Emotions are guided by what you get to see through. May be you would be at ease or maybe you will crave for making your living go at ease. In either of the cases your emotions will trail accordingly. Here I don’t infer that you will show them explicitly. You may, you may not. But smiles are above all of your emotions. Rather it should be your religion.
Think it my way and every other person you will come across will be like you, of your religion.  

Photographed by: Anshul Gautam

Written for We Have A Story

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Monsoon

The sky seems heavier today. Its cries in anger blemish the calmness it had yesterday. The sooth in its blue has vanished. Chillness with thrill is waiving around as it has turned grey. It has been silent for long, hiving numerous drops from neighborhood. The heart of the sky had them all, despite of the pain it carried. Fused together, they lied their dormant and the heart garnered them with care, protecting them from the unwanted layers. The heart forgot how much it could effort and surpassed every boundary, entangled in its fatherly care…

The drops have been collecting, joining themselves together. Today, it seems they have taken their immense form. They have turned mature and it can be seen well by the way they are proclaiming for their freedom. They have started sieving the heart that dwelled them all when they lied separate in their decrepit form. The father’s heart that never showed its pain seems to shed its agony now. It has turned grey. It wants to rain…

Someone below the sky has a heart too; someone who gave birth to tiny decrepit drops, the mother. The mother wants to accept the pains and console the fatherly heart. “Someone’s grief, someone else’s relief, draws the rule of survival”, the mother pacifies. Till the sun shines, me and you survive, it has to be this way. Probably the sky knows it too. I can see it has slowed down, giving off whatever tiny bit it had in it.

My eyes are illuminating. I look around. And all around me, everything seems illuminated. The sun has tinged the sky. And I see a smile the sky has born. The sieved heart is most beautiful. It has seven colors on it now…

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fotographia

Surprised! With strangeness in my eyes, I wonder how a scene could get missed from my naked eyes that a camera sees playfully. I play around with my cam, capturing in my frames the world, trying to make them appear as I want them to be. Same subject, different angles to grab the best shot I practice. Few tweaks on camera controls and slight knowledge of physics can do wonders to your frames.

While I was editing one of my photos, I got struck in a thought. To me, why the real world doesn’t impress me and but its portrayal in captured frames does. Is it so because I don’t want to see the real world? Or is it so because I have accustomed my eyes to a different world that being a false replica of the real one, with finer bits of added creativeness by a sight seer, has turned out to be more appealing and as per my wants. I start believing that the world in captured frames is the real one but it is just a diversion that I have created for myself to escape from reality. I am confused over what the answer to this should be but I know that truth is stranger than fiction. Moreover, I also wonder how easier the life would have been if we could mold the world the way we want them to be with certain possible limits to it. It should have been like the way we post process our snapped photos on computers in order to give them a finish that we missed in the actual shot. Few strokes of healing brushes, some resizes, color tuning and we are done… This is what I see through frames of viewfinder in my camera. Frames of my spectacles hurt me.

I have shutter speed and aperture control on my cam. I can control how much external light should come and fall on its sensor. I can even use faster shutter speeds to pause a fast ongoing event. Readjusting my spectacle frames, I rethink what controls we have got to mold and control the effects that the real subjects have on us? Many say that it’s us who decide how much we get affected from outside world and mold change in it as well. I never contradict on this but support this as an exaggeration.

I dare not to change my subjects. I just change my angle with respect to the subject and accordingly I need to validate my composition. I adjust my cam’s depth of field as removing every unwanted subject from the large field of view is not possible.

If I don’t blur the major reality, my minor subject will tend to go unnoticed.

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