Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts

Friday, November 13, 2015

Heart Beats

Heart needs love. It might lie that it doesn’t, but even the strongest of its kind needs love. The love that heart seeks is above kindness, and pity offered due to assumed depravity of the seeker. Love is the language that hearts chose to speak in midst of multi lingual existence around. Words from mouth can have different forms and different intentions to trick hearts. Through tides of time, heart has been tricked so often that gradually they have stopped talking to each other. They are now allowed to meet only out of pity and kindness for one another. 

Heart has desires. Desires that are afraid to escape from mouths, desires which are constrained within complex control of brains, they thrive inside hearts safely. The desire that’s taboo to the world is dear to someone’s heart. For heart has never learnt to discriminate, it homes desires of all kinds. Desires are slaves to brain, and to the societal values. They are cared for by their sole protector, their guard who packs them safely within thick thumping walls. Desires may get punished, but are never killed by their guard. 

Heart is pure. Heart is whiter than the whitest pearl that the mankind ever witnessed. White catches dirt easily. Is it the fault of white that it’s fairest of all? In the rampage where hearts are made to run, it’s evident that splashes of blood will spill out, and spill onto, hiding the purity that hearts have. The neighborhood is cold. The warmth of togetherness is a history that jargons play in their songs to bring attention and fame. Hearts know to sing too. But who will cure these ears which are audile to jargons’ dissonance only.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Brain-sick's Diary #6 | Conundrum


In the lucid smile, there is a not so lucid story.
A story of coming of age… A story so confused in itself to be narrated…
Silence prevails, in attempts to unravel the mystery,
Of looking inside, of looking within.
And what is apprehensible? It’s the outside world…
The world that eyes witness.
Doubt prevails, when eyes assume to have found the truth.
In situations so common, why emotions are anarchical.
Emotions fabricated from love… Emotions fabricated from loss of love.
Silence prevails, in attempts to unravel the mystery,
Of looking inside, of looking within.


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Brain-sick's Diary #5

Life has offered varieties. Varieties in people, in their behavior, in their culture, and with this lies the varied experiences of ours. Experience is carved not just from our own endeavors, but it is also accompanied by the culture we are infused into. You may be protesting, not accepting the culture that surrounds you, but the survival for existence always stays at the top most priority in your list. Survival for existence is after all so natural. Lets not just blame humans only. Its prevalent across all forms of life that exists. And this is the survival for existence that pushes you to adapt. Adapt to the culture, to the surrounding which is not so acceptable to you otherwise.

He has adapted to the culture too. The learning curve was steep. But at the end the least that he could have achieved was to get used to with this culture; and he did it. Now he stands firm. The firmness has to be raised even more. Strands of relationships that tend to bind people together; he has doubts on this authenticity. He realizes that relationships are not permanent. Time is a dimension. And every relationship is carved out from time. Clock ticks, relationship tricks. He learnt to try not to be tricked. To keep trying is very important.

Where is the happiness? Well, the happiness is omnipresent. Happiness is God. If you believe, God is everywhere. If you don’t believe, you can’t find God. So is the happiness. And to add to this crude thought, here is an important quote : Happiness is indeed a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experience.”

His struggle is on; his endeavors to find solace, to find God, to find happiness.

June 12th, 2015.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Sparkle in their eyes...

Life is a teacher, whose fee we pay in various forms. Pain, heart breaks, losses, and what not. And the lessons that we learn from this teacher, they benefit us by deepening the experience base of ours. After all, experience is what makes us earn. It’s not just valid in IT industry, where I am working in one of the top notch MNC, where usually your pay scale is decided as per your experience. But in the real life too, the one with sound experience stays at the front. Others, they keep falling and rising, until they have the experience to come to the front.

Staying alone in a metro is not a joke. And I am living in a metro, all alone now. From house rent, electricity bills, and everything that I never cared about at my home when I stayed with mom and dad, all of them I have to manage here for myself. And for me, the experience to manage errands like this was bare minimum. It’s been three months now, I fell down several times but tried to rise every time again. The instinct inside you does not remain positive always. 

We are surrounded with negativeness, and with frequent failures it becomes very difficult to stay positive. I was going home, I was glad I managed to convince my bosses for three days of extra leave for Holi. And during my journey to home in train, I kept thinking of how much deplorable the circumstances I have been facing. I never had thought that I would be all alone like this. Getting a job is difficult, but to stay in the job and cut through all the forces acting against you is commendable. A metro city has many things to offer to you, and not all of them are pleasant. I have tasted some bitter flavors.

‘Hey, you have become so thin, don’t you eat properly there?’ 
Mommy kept asking questions, I struggled to take out my stuffs from my bag where I had pushed everything deliberately. 

‘Umm.. No.. I mean yes, I take food properly'. 
'Mommy, this one is for you. Dad, this one is for you…’ I would have said something more, but then mommy showered some more questions.
 
‘You wasted so much money for us. That’s not good, you don’t earn much at present. Its your new job. You should save as much as you can’.
 
‘Ok mommy. Now open and see, what is there inside’, I said. Dad came and smiled, he ruffled my hair affectionately. He has been man of fewer words, and more of actions.


I had bought Saree for mommy and an android phone for dad. The sparkle in their eyes, I cannot explain through words. The feeling of contentment overpowered all the negative thoughts that had crippled me till an hour before.

‘I would do all the hard work to keep that sparkle alive, always’, my own voice echoed in my head. Their happiness recharges me with positivity. This is the power of staying close to my family.

‘Mom, I am hungry’, is what I said next, as if I cannot wait even for a second without food. 



(I was inspired to write this post by housing.com's activity of writing about the power of being together!)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

While it rained...


My eyes used to take me till the horizon where a distant tree met the marshy land. I could see people, though scarce in number and outspread on the field, working as farmers for the crop…The crop that would feed them and us. I witnessed how their hard work benefited us, they made grains available for ourselves to buy. Then, I wondered that someday my hard work would help others too.

Interlaced with their sweat, rain washed the land. They ploughed and ploughed, till the land was ready to produce. In the uninterrupted pelting of rain, maverick birds flew through the wind…Some flew against, while some steered along with the wind.  I felt caged with all my defects in the small room at the roof, while children played outside. It was water here and there, and everywhere.

I heard happiness. I saw it too. I saw secrecy in the ambience where each one conspired for a productive tomorrow. Farmers, birds, children, trees, and the God, they unified themselves below the pouring cloudy sky. I felt caged, but they enjoyed. They enjoyed themselves to the fullest, mocking me of the pitiful captivity I was in. Real chains were not necessary, my own thoughts of my defects had made me a slave.

After clouds faded off slowly into the pitch black and while the rain continued, a wise owl obliged me by resting at my window. I don’t remember when my eyes closed and how I leapt into the house of a farmer. But before I could have completed my play with their children, the owl woke me up. He said that he has come to my rescue, to unchain me. ‘The key to your chains is in your point of view’, he said.

The next day was different. I heard happiness and I saw it too. But I became a part of the ambience now. Farmers, birds, children, trees, me, and the God, everyone unified themselves below the pouring cloudy sky, and we conspired for a productive tomorrow. The gloom of grey in surroundings was changed, because my point of view was changed. Keys to the most endured locks lie within us.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Going forward through a new start...

It has been a month since my last blog post. Many new things popped up inside my head, but the creative tides got short of the extremely stronger gravitation pull, and that kept everything still…just a little hoo-ha came to the front. 

What was I exactly doing in this one month?

I left Durgapur on 5th of June. I am no more a college student now. I graduated officially from my college on 25th of June 2014. Ever since I joined college, I dreamt of scoring 9 pointer. It was a bliss even to think of being called a ‘nine pointer’ and don’t know how it felt to be one. I enjoyed this bliss to the fullest till I completed my second year engineering. After that I started to take pride in my reality. The result of 8th semester which evidently graduated me came out on 25th and there it was 9.04 on my grade card. Hard work for my final year project finally paid off. But this was not the reason for my disappearance from my blog. I was low on my health. More than the health itself, I was tensed thinking many bad possibilities associated with it. All the self-motivating stuffs loose their essence on me when my hyperactive brain starts churning. I wish to get well soon, and I am trying my best from my part for it.

And there was a good news too behind my disappearance.

After I graduated with title of Er. Anshul Gautam, as a token of appreciation (this is more than just a token, it’s huge for me) Papa gifted Nikon D5100 to me. It came with 18-55mm kit lens. Now being an owner of DSLR, a tool to open all doors of photographic skills, I am more than happy. It was a dream. It has come true now. I clicked lots of pictures and practiced various controls on the new cam. I will buy a zoom lens soon, probably 55-200mm one. I will be joining TCS and my salary will help me for the new lens, but till then I will stick to 18-55mm one.

An important lesson.

I spent my four years for engineering. I learnt innumerable lessons. The most important lesson I recall at this moment is: 'We should never let our own goodness die, no matter what killing spree is against us'. Endurance against the harsh blows of outsiders must be attained to safeguard the inner peace and sanity. Sanity is in preserving goodness, never making it escape from  our inside in the darkness of unlikelihood around us. I shall never forget this lesson, and will keep chanting at every time of need. 





(...among the first few shots taken from my camera)

Monday, June 9, 2014

Music Rewinds

Mai rahe, meenaa rahe, gardish mein paimaanaa rahe
Mere saaqi tuu rahe aabaad maikhana rahe...

I see a small kid, looking through the window. For him, having a look through window was itself a dream; a window that would allow to see outside. The window in his room allows to see till the horizon, no one lies in between except for green grasses, shrubs and birds playing. Holes in the window seldom make a whirling noise as the riotous but usual wind flows through them. Having no one to play, and with holidays at school, most of the time of his days are spent on imagining stories and his wishes getting fulfilled in them. He was the hero in all of his stories, the one who rules with all his wishes turning true.

Music plays always, at least always when the electricity is there at his home. The least understanding of his about the music, and even less about the rarest ghazals sung by Jagjit Singh, it does not bore him of staying surrounded by this aliened ambience. Immense meaning in the music never settled down his gut, but the soft tunes he remembers. He remembers tune in every track, and to some extent their words too. When no one is around, he mumbles those ghazals with somewhat original words and a little mixed with his own creations but the tune stays strictly the same. He has warmth for collecting memories. But what can be the best place to keep memories other than connecting them with music?

I see the kid has grown up into a man. Sitting by the balcony of his three storeys house, he is playing those tracks again. He now understands those words and immense meaning that Jagjit Singh carried in his ghazals. But he misses his old Tape Recorder, the kind of soft music it played with infrequent buzz and hitching of tape on head and reels. He still remembers every tune, and when no one is around he sings in a low voice. I see tears in those eyes which were once joyous mumbling broken words from the same ghazals. He rewinds the tape of memories hidden in those ghazals. And everything appears to be live before him again. As he leans at the railing of balcony, he reminisce instances of his tinker by the window. The window that allows to see till the horizon, where no one lies in between except for green grasses, shrubs and birds playing. Holes in the window seldom make a whirling noise as the riotous but usual wind flows through them…

Zindagi ka lutf ho udti rahe haradam 'Riaz'
hum hon sheeshe ki pari ho ghar parikhana rahe...

Italicized lines are from the ghazal written by Riaz Khairabadi, and sung by late Shri Jagjit Singh in his album Mirage. You can listen to the track here.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Adios | BCET

“…when I was in my first year, I was told that the four years of engineering will be over in the blink of an eye. Now, when I am at the verge of completion of my four years of engineering, I can say that yes I have experienced it. These four years swept by so quickly. To me it seems that the four years were one single moment but it carried innumerable stories within it. Every story is fresh and it will be forever.”
The CSE and IT department of our college gave us farewell on May 20, 2014. To receive warm affection from our teachers and a note of motivation for our lives ahead was mesmeric. As this was going to be the last meet of ours with teachers officially, I carried my point and shoot camera with me and captured as many moments that I could. I don’t want any moment to let go off my reach. I want to preserve them, each one of them. But yes, I try to overcome the bad memories at the earliest, failing to do at most of the times though. However, they also make me a more experienced person, a little more learned, but the canvas of imagery you build gets stained with unintended instances in life. The journey of four years at Bengal College of Engineering & Technology had been somewhat a mixture of good and bad experiences which in totality helped me grow. I find there have been a huge number of changes inside me. My seniors helped me to grow, so did my friends, and I can’t forget to mention the role of my teachers in it. Teachers always help you in one way or the other, and trust me, most of the times you won’t even get to notice that they have helped you. In the later stages of life, you realize how important they were. Yesterday, on June 2nd 2014, we gave the last exam of our B-Tech. After two days I am about to leave Durgapur, and I am filled with emotions towards some of the good teachers I was blessed with.

The starting note in this post is a part of the short speech I gave on the farewell day. I felt honored to get called along with Namrata, my best friend, by our HOD sir Dr.Prof. S Dasgupta to say something in front of the whole CSE & IT family.


“…these four years I was a part of the CSE and IT family. I have to leave now. But I wish to be remembered as a part of this family in the coming future too.”
This ended my speech then but filled me with melancholy. I can go on speaking of my college life endlessly. Most of the things I am backspacing here, probably I will let them out at some later stages of my life.

I want to thank each one and every one of them who were a part of the life I lived here at Durgapur.

Thank You!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Treasure of Love

This world is a treasure; a treasure that not only has the wealth of love, but wraths of Satan too. Love and Hatred, these two can define each thing and everything that we find on Earth. What definition will mean correctly to us that depends on our state of mind and the essence of time. This world has everything. It’s just that each one of is differently abled and the extent of our sight is accordingly limited. Some can see and feel more while others may lie short and complain. What I can see in the treasure, it’s not necessary that everyone will be able to see. Likewise, what you may discover that might lie unnoticed by me forever. The one who has the limitless extent of sight, that’s the Almighty. And he is the only one, and none other than him is supremely abled. But whatever I can see, whatever you can see, either Love or Hatred defines them. And at one time, only one of the two exists. We need to look closely, and we will find that either we love or we hate. No state other than these we can rather be in.

All of us seek for love. Even if we impart hatred, we seek for love. With everyone of us seeking for love, stealing it indecisively, the treasure is going short of love. The amount of hatred continuously being imparted is making its amount in the treasure stupendous. 
Do you know why did Uncle Scrooge stop swimming in treasures? He was disappointed of skimming over colossal hatred in treasures everywhere. His own treasure at Duckburg that had only Love and no hatred, got stolen long ago.  From all corners of the world, Love is vanishing.

Law of conservation is the call of the time. If you seek love, remember you need to give the same amount of love back to this worldly treasure. Those who don’t pay back this world with love are selfish. And those who seek love, but deliver hatred, they are sons of Satan. To continue to make this place worth living we need to overpower selfish-ers and satan-ers. The early we wake up and realize, better the impact can be brought. 
Love is precious. And there is no alternative for it like we have for coal. Let’s stay human, and continue to spread love.


spread love save earth