My College Life - Phase 1

10^th of August 2010, the day was. We had our orientation ceremony at college’s auditorium. From the next day our classes were to begin. I was late by two days. I couldn’t attend the orientation day neither could I attend the first class of my first semester. I came to know about that orientation ceremony when my mates narrated me later. Few called it boring, like every auditorium function that I am seeing since then, but few called that very much fascinating it was. I can understand; college organizes a function and that also to welcome the first years, so they are most likely going to like it, not because it is good at entertaining them or pertaining to their academics but because of the zeal and energy first year has. I couldn’t be there to watch so I shall not comment much on it. 'BCET' printed on a pen we got, and a letter from our director. The letter had a context in which he told us not to be oversensitive. It did contain few things more, but this very one I can’t forget anyhow, at least after seeing whatever I have seen till now in college.

That was not the first time when I was to live away from home. I was in Bansal Classes, Kota, for one year. Preparations and attention towards my goal couldn’t lead me to glory. I dreamt of ‘Kharagpur’ and fell in ‘Durgapur’ at last. I was very shy to accept that I was there in Kota when people in college asked me where I did the preparation. Not shy but very much shameful I used to feel talking about it. Now I have learnt to accept my defeat.  And I don’t hesitate telling them. It is not that now I have turned shameless. It is so because I have learnt to accept the truth.

There was one thing that worried me the most. I had never shared my room with anybody. I am doing that very well now. But then things were different; I was different. I was not sure of how I would be adjusting with someone I didn’t know, with someone whose nature I was not sure of what kind it was. I met him in the evening, his name is Sheikh Nehar, and he is still my roommate. He is a decent guy. I never had anything to complain about him the entire first year. There are several memorable moments that we have seen together, and we are still seeing.:)
After I settled my bags and baggage in my wardrobe, I went for a shower. The journey of 1147 miles was very much tiring and I was almost sapped out. I thought of having a shower. I can’t figure out what actually was over me then. I entered the bathroom and I cried. I cried loud in shower but not loud enough to get heard outside. I was missing my mom, my dad. I was thinking where I had reached. It was not worth for what I did. There were so many things for which I found myself culprit. Water splashes mingled with my tears and tried to lessen its presence, and then entered a silent part of me into me, that did the secret discussions whenever I was lonely. That silent part is still within me...

Whenever you go to a new place, new people you meet with. New friends you make. I met many new people. I talked less and watched more. Many things I noticed appreciable and decided to learn from some of my fellas. Many of them are now so much close to me. Human has a tendency to incline towards their counterparts. If you find someone in pain, the pain which you have already faced long before, then you develop a close bonding with him. When I find someone going through the situations where I had previously been into, and I sense the upcoming pains he might be facing, I recall my mistakes and how I was caught into it. There is no good that I can bring to him by feeling that way. There was a time when I used to warn such people of their mistakes and its probable outcomes. But prolonged episodes where my words went in vain has finally left me with no choice but to let them live contented with whatever they are doing. Ashish, one of my close friend has finally realized this very thing. It was indeed very much painful for me when I saw him ignoring me, ignoring my conclusions, but I am finally happy to see that he came back to me accepting the mistakes he did. This phase of our college life was also very much febrile for him.

This world is so strange. They won’t believe the pain until they face the knife themselves.

Other than good beings I came across, there were also several who left no effort to defame my name, tried to dimmer the glitter I had. One of such cruel intentions of theirs hurt me deeply. I am sensitive over the issues where I find myself being put down for no reason or where I find my name is being rubbed harshly without any significance at all. Instead of yelling, and spanking out anything, I kept my silence. I read an sms:

"Never explain yourself: Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it. "

At that time my orkut account had celebrated its 4^th anniversary. I remember I had opened it when I was in class 9^th. Among those 4500 scraps that it contained, there lived various memoirs of my childhood. The presence of someone so special to me was there. My frequent updates even after I joined college on Orkut were just to re-live those days, in which I used to smile. It had nothing to relate with anybody else in my college. I sensed someone doing so. It was too much for me. I felt an insult which was intolerable. How could you judge somebody without knowing anything about him? I decided to delete my account, and I did it. Now I realize why you should not be over sensitive. That account was so much precious to me. I have it no more now.

Kunal was with me in all those times; he is another good friend of mine, very close to me. He was the only one whom I shared my heart with. I knew that only he is going to understand. And he did. Sometimes, somewhere we do need somebody to do the talking. I would like to thank him for listening to me at least. I have never explained anything to anybody in personal except few. Kunal was the first I shared everything with, Rajorshi the next.

Another important thing I learnt – It is always better to let your heart open its contents rather than igniting it in lament fumes. But with whom are you going to share with? Is he going to value your emotions? Decide it carefully else nothing could be much worsening than that.

Seniors! They play very vital role in grooming freshers. Keeping aside the Freshers issue and some of other bad incidents, I did get significant help from them. I wish them to be good to me in future too and help me to give my best.

I have called all these episodes as the First Phase. It is first because till the first year we continued to live together with more of friendship and less of practicality. What does the term friend mean? Friend stands for a person you know well and regard with affection and trust. I have seen evidences of breaking trust. If I am not wrong I am seeing less of friendship and more practicality around. I can’t argue about this by considering it wrong. To move on in life this thing is very much important, they say. If you are oversensitive then God shall bless you. It was difficult for me to get used to with this but I had no choice. Now that I have got the concept of practicality very well by observing, I shall try to live now onwards with new resolutions. And this would mark the beginning of second phase. :)

If somebody drags off his baggage to sit with somebody else then it’s no bad in it. If I talk less or talk boring then why shall he stick his ass with me? If you will do like this then your girl friend is very soon going to leave you, forget about your friend if he chooses the same too. And I am sure that people can manage even after loosing their worthy friend but they can't afford loosing their girlfriend today. Whats so bad in it if my rommie has changed himself a lot and lessened his care for me, always away with his habits. Why should I? Why should my face turn remorseful if I ask one of my friends to share his Maggie with me when I am hungry and he refuses. This is the way people work probably, and that is what we are seeing. People look for themselves only, forgetting about the sentiments of others. And I must not complain about this. I have no good in doing so. "Hataaa Yaar...Bura maan ke kya ukhaar lega wo....", and they will forget everything.
College is said to give you professional life training. And these experiences are perhaps the part of the course I think. 24^th of January and I will be back in my college. There will be something more to learn in coming phases. My fourth semester marks the beginning of Second phase of my college life. And I am getting ready with my bag, baggage and courage. :)