Morning Reflections

Since the beginning, the time when I started blogging, I have written many posts concerned with friendship. What binds it, what unwinds it, how hurting it can be, how much centralized it should be; I don’t know in what post I emphasized which aspect of friendship but yes, I did, may be on different concerns and in different contexts. I keep collecting experiences and my learning from them keeps going on. I blog about them as my blog is my heart, the place where my feelings reside. I don’t want my experiences to escape from my heart and so they are here, on my blog.

I have seen that the in friendship circle, people I gave much importance to have always resulted into a being which should not be given even a penny of trust, not even a blot piece of bread. And for those people for whom I rarely collected any attention have contributed to me a lot in terms of solicitation and regard. Even if you get to know this theory, you can’t ascertain it soon. It takes time and circumstances to highlight the hidden aspects that keep faces covered under the shadow of disguise.

Love them who love you, but regard with respect to all. Try to judge people with what they do and not with what they pretend to do. I would also like to point that don’t just cling to your limited circle rather expand it further because anytime you may feel that you never belonged to that circle and probably your place was somewhere else. Very recently I faced this and now I regret why didn't I leave my circle earlier. Why didn’t I form another circle with those people who were like me, who would do what I liked to do and without pretending anything that they never do…

I have subscribed to few of Google’s SMS channel services and from there I received an SMS few days back. And it was as follows:
“Every struggle in your life has shaped into the person you are today…
Be thankful for the hard times, for they have made you stronger.”

I think this SMS should have been more precise with this post if I say it like
“We should be thankful to every friend of us who betrayed and allowed us to struggle on our own. They have actually made us more stronger.”

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Songs, Bands, Hype and me...

Hype created during fest is still alive in our college campus. More than a week now it has been, but still the mood is flavored with tunes set by Underground Authority band and renowned new face as a singer, Vineet. Personally, I had enjoyed Underground Authority band more as compared to Vineet. The reason is not obvious; nowadays I prefer energizer rather than those songs that set me off. Romantic music sets me off. Rocking DK Bose sweeps it away. And the band did that very well.

Ever since the start of preparation for fest, Frisson 2012, I was keenly observing practice sessions of my friends who were to perform in cultural events. I was coordinator in the committee and had pretty bulk of tasks too. But throughout I was attached with some of our college bands in one way or the other, not as a practitioner but as a coordinator. I have turned very much inclined towards rock music now as a result. New aspirations to sprinkle my vibes through strings of guitar have taken their place in my veins. I am not sure if I will excel in it too, but I enjoy thinking about it at least…

Today we had an Alumni meet, Samaagam 2012 at our college auditorium. I was sleeping high, when Satnam bhaiya knocked on my door and asked me to rush into auditorium as fast as possible. The event was aimed to bring alumni of our college, scattered all over now, back into college, under the clouds of nostalgia for them and to present before us our seniors who have excelled from the platform where we are at present. Share of experiences with suggestions for improvement for forthcoming batches were the objectives. This meet was the first event of this kind ever in our college’s history and I think it is really a nice initiative which our Director sir himself promoted. Today was the first day for the Meet which had few performances of dance, singing which I didn’t enjoy much, while the remaining of performances will be tomorrow, on the second and final day of Samaagam. Today Mr. Soumyakanti sir and his band rocked me hard. His performance on Raghu Dixit’s ‘Hey Bhagwan mujhko tu, zindagi dobara de’ was just awesome. His performance has ignited my wish to learn guitar even further.

The first thing I did after I returned back to hostel was to download that Raghu Dixit’s song. The song has powerful lyrics which will move you away. I am here sharing a link of that song from youtube. I am just repeating that song over and over again in my playlist and proclaiming in my dreams if I could also learn guitar… :D

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Girls-Oh-Mania (Part I)

How do you feel when you are walking alone and a girl passes by you, surrounded by her male well-wishers, whom you often consider to be her beloved, throwing a glance on you. You do try to look into her eyes but soon you dismantle your attention and turn your glance away :P. This is what happens most of the times with a student in his college life...Share how do you feel in your comments.

I think the first thing to strike in one’s mind will be, “what the hell do I lack that I am still alone?” Well, may be the girl would be somehow engaged in some other way too with those guys and not by the way we think them to be oftenly. I am on a different track and I have different propositions about it. India has been under a trend which emphasizes Women Empowerment. I am quite low on statistics and realistic facts on a country basis may not be present with me. But so far I had been here in my college and as per the situation I have seen here; I can gallantly announce that goals have been achieved. :D

And achievement has been so intense that Women empowerment has surfaced top and male counterparts now lie on the brink with their rights in vain. Semester’s internal marks, faculties’ attention and care, your best friend’s concern and even Egg Roll wallah’s priority goes to girls. Today I was forcibly made to wait 10 minutes extra just because three young and pretty girls arrived there; first year students probably. I thought since I had been there first, I would be given service first too. I was wrong. When the roll was prepared, I extended my hands to take it, while the biased Egg Roll wallah brought his hands towards one of those girls. I retraced, while other two girls laughed. And they giggled. Finally when my turn came, I ascertained it by querying him twice if it did belong to me. Things have been going on this way everywhere for me.

While returning back to hostel, I saw three boys accompanying a girl. One of them was my branch mate who lied to me that he had to study for Automata’s test and didn't accompany me for today's evening walk. How much my friends study, I am amazed. :D

In college life, you need to pay a lot for not being a girl. Ranging from your best friend’s concern for you to marks you get in internals. Another interesting thing I saw today was a notice posted in our hostel. We are going to have an off-campus placement drive for our college. I don't want to disclose the company name. But the package it is offering will surprise our campus students. Its Rs 5.86 lacs per annum. Interesting fact to note is that it is only for girls, underlined in bold. :D. 

A note of advice I learnt here in my college is, don’t consider any boy to be your best friend as he can leave you anytime for the best girl he assumes someone to be for him. This theory is applicable in vice versa too and with a more self-explanatory note. You just need to be a loner and a nice observer… 

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Insomniac Dreams

Eagerness and anxiety are two companions who ally themselves unitedly and blow away your sleep. When assisted by your perfectionist traits, they will take you to a different world where you lie clung to what you desire. Everything else seems irrelevant and not of your wants. Things have been going the same way for me. I have turned insomniac since few weeks.  First came the Photoshopic designing opportunities for me and then flowed currents of learning new computer languages aspirations. I successfully managed to conduct the Python’s Online Test for my branch after rigorous discussions with seniors and faculty members of my college. When I was busy preparing for Python, at the same time I had been engaged with my previous projects too. And in those projects I had to consult and re-read those computer languages that have no readily connection with Python. It was important for me to get my hands dirty for the upcoming Python’s test but I was unsuccessful in keeping my mind aside from my previous projects. This is what happens and it has become obvious for me now. My mind adamant says to complete the previous task first and then move on to next. In this conflict of what to do and what not to, my mind rages and sleepiness vanishes.

Well the Python’s test ended “thik-thak” type, but at the end I did realize that I should have concentrated only on my current necessary goal. But it was no good that I could have done then by realizing so. May be it would help in future.

About two weeks back, I went to one of renowned faculty of my college. I explained to him how much I have covered in area of Web Development and Designing. Web Development and Designing is the area that fascinates me a lot and I enjoy doing it. I discussed with Sir what prospects I shall presume for myself with this passion of mine. I didn’t get answers that could have heightened my zeal. I respect the curiosity and care our faculty possesses for us. But one’s passion and desire fail to measure the decisions when taken against them. I did feel that way. I turned sad. It felt as if I have fallen open mouthed on the floor and there is nothing left for me.

Thanks to “TheSocialNetwork”, a movie I watched yesterday. How much change a web developer/programmer can bring in our society was well shown in it. The movie is about how facebook was formed and came into existence. I am highly inspired now. My drown dreams have risen and have started to fly high again.

Mark Zuckerberg, you are not just the inventor of Facebook, but an inspiration for me and for billions other like me too. I am looking for your poster to paste it in my room :D. Your story and hardships have already engraved in my heart. :)

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Sweating Creativity

This month of April was a month full of creativity for me. Temperature scale never ceased to harass me; my scalp which is still so itchy and sweaty, never hindered with the creative insights that I proposed throughout this month. Sitting in a room which faces west, that means direct sun rays during afternoon, was never easy and it will continue to be so for the upcoming one and a half month. After that I will move to my new hostel room with commencement of 3rd year of my B-Tech course. I hope GoGo sir will allot me a better room this time.
Well, sharing my summer-season miseries was not the concern. I wanted to express that despite of the cruel season I worked a lot with my creativity and came out with results that seem significant for me at least. This month I tried to design my branch T-shirt, CSE T-shirt, for my juniors. I had never ever designed any clothing before. This was the first time I tried my hands on it.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Another T-shirts I worked upon were those that my friends asked me to design. They wanted to combat their enemies in Counter Strike matches during our college fest, Frisson 2012, wearing their own team’s T-shirt. So another design came along this way. I was asked to keep the design as simple as possible with only one request that I should provide imprints of their favorite weapon gun on the front side for each individual in the team respectively. “Ok! Fine”, I replied and did the needful.

(Click the design to Enlarge)

Whom shall I blame? Yes! I needed to blame someone. Not a single T-shirt design was implemented, neither my branch T-shirt nor my friend’s team T-shirt. I talked with our HOD sir to seek his approval for the branch T-shirt. He made me sentimental by discussing the miseries students create for their parents by wasting money on useless clothing and stuffs. He asked me not to promote such activities and postponed my initiatives. It hurt but I subdued it with smile.

“Lack of time”, my friends blamed time. It was lack of time that prevented them from not getting my design printed on T-shirts. 

Its Ok!… I consoled myself. But still, I did come up with logos and banners for my facebook groups and pages. I did implement my designs there. Well I am the administrator that’s why no one raised questions on my doing so :D.
I am still looking forward for channelizing my burning creative insights which is resulting into a state of insomnia for me. This shall be the content of my next blog post. I will try to get some sleep right now anyhow…

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Forget Me Not

"You are in my every wish. Your essence lies in every prayer that I make. In the ocean where I am drowning alone, tears with your names in them lie blended. The rising tides and falling health doesn’t disassemble my love, my love for you. You still pulsate in my veins with a rhythm that has always fascinated me. The deepness in your eyes still overpowers my visions and prevents me to face the reality; the reality, in which your fingers don’t fill spaces between mine; the reality, which you chose to gift me with. And in this reality too, mirrors reflect me as the one which I used to be years back. Only innocence I have lost, my child in me I have lost…Our child we have lost."

"I don’t blame you, I blame me. I blame the God who diverted our paths in a way that our journey became different. I blame the flowers that sucked our emotions from us. I blame that jealous breeze which couldn’t synchronize with the melody that our conversations used to bring. I blame that rainbow which shied from the vibgyor our smiles created together after we ended our quarrels. And I blame those every moment which envied me and fought with me, carried away you so far; so far that I am afraid to consider if we will ever meet again." 

"This day owns a snap of yours in me, in a corner of my heart which is invincible. My lifeline runs through those veins whose walls have impressions of that snap. The air I breathe circulates and preserves your belongings inside me. I continue to live for I have promised few memoirs that I will make things better; those things that weren’t at place earlier which made us part. I have to contemplate; I have to succeed those paths I wasn’t aware of earlier. Your lost possessiveness for me gives me strength, and I move on. I move on to be a man that you would have thought I must be. And I pray for your wellbeing, for your happy sun gleaming. This day is special for me, because you were meant to be a part of me…always!"




-An Imaginary Cloud's note that was dying to burst

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Eternal Beauty

I admire the beauty if it exists, which would depict an inheritance of my individuality, amidst my blanked out identity; a kind that belongs to me, an accomplice to my soul's anatomy.
Like the pearls shine, white and pure, still unnoticed, subdued in disdain, my beauty lies coated.
I wait, with pains stitched through patience; I don’t bleed like the pearls don’t sweat.
I wait; someday a soul mate will come to plow the sand dunes, to take away the pearls that lie on the way. Then I will be sculptured near someone’s heart, like the pearls will necklace around with love.

I admire the beauty if it exists, which would let me see even when there prevails the darkest dark.
Like the fireflies blink, some far and some near, a timid melody blinks my mind and says a beauty stand by me. I look; with thrills sailing in my veins, drums percussing on my chest, I search the truth in twilight.
I look through my open window, where fluorescence enters and fills emptiness in my eyes. And there I witness a beauty in disguise.

Why a beauty hides in disguise? Why not it pulsates and waves its original vibes? For if beauty is veritable, why doesn’t it finds its accomplice. Why it remains lost and hitches in hands of dust. The extent of hitches has furthered its boundary. My every lookup, every searching ends at obscured vicinity. I lie dormant with no trace for my pair.

Now I want to announce that beauty doesn’t exist. But my heart foolish throbs for it; few impressions of illusions lie forged on the walls. Like the pearls burn in heat under the weight of sand dunes, I glow in flames driven by hopes in my eyes. I want to end my hopes too. But still...
Still, when the heat around churns to near death, snoring thunder in sky reminds of beauty in rains.
And then evokes admirations for a soul mate, who will wash away the heat, and pick up the pearls. I will be sculptured too near someone’s heart, like the pearls will necklace around with love...
                                                                                       
                                                                                        ....And the search for eternal beauty continues

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An Engineered Snap

I wanted to be an Engineer…But I couldn't get a reputed college. :(
Engineering is one of the most sought branches of education that Indian students prefer. And from the state where I belong to, Bihar, it’s a culture there to dream about getting into IITs, right from the time when students are in their secondary school level classes. But due to huge cutoff of marks, from some reservation related disheartening pricks and because of few cases of bad luck, dreams don’t turn into reality, and such dreams get homed in million hearts with a forget me not note. I happened to be one of them who have faced this. But IITs can never be the ultimate destination. The talent and capabilities you gather through studying Engineering is what the ultimate destination is.

What you had thought? Engineering is going to be so easy?
Once you get into an Engineering college, your hard time starts. The time gets hard because students turn cruel towards themselves, towards their dreams. A stay away from home, with cheers from friends and handful cigarettes with brownish ends, they tip toe on the path they assume to be amusing. With few more inputs, rises addiction; new areas of conversation, new heights of incision. Grooming yourself the right way among such a culture which gallantly exists in Engineering Colleges can be hectic. But it’s a task you must accomplish. Apart from this, other major bullets fired on students comprise from the gun of ‘Time Management’. You need to do loads of things – Classes, Practicals, Projects, Presentations, Assignments, Movies, Outings, Counter Strike matches, Love-Affairs and innumerable other things too. And if you still get some time left from 24 hours well, then you self-study.  Cruel time span when ill managed, it curses students very bad. :( Life inside, when looked from outside, always look magnificent. But the inside story is totally different. If you are an Engineer or an Engineering student then you would be knowing this very well. :P

You must get to know me…Warna main aathon semester tak tumhara jeena haram kar dunga…

You do whatever you like. You can also afford not to study and get few backs in some semester papers. But kindly never get into any kind of trouble with any of your college’s professors/lecturers. :D
This is the first proposition that you must know before you enter into an Engineering college. If you consider not to follow this regulation, then very soon you will get know the setbacks in one way or the other. It is proven and tested formula. :D

Life is full of fun and learning too...

Keeping the bad things aside, let’s look the bright side of life in an Engineering college. The four years will sweep out like the sand escapes from your grip. Lot many numbers of mistakes you will realize and they will form learning and experiences for you. Jerks and shocks make you walk on edgy rocks. Moments of fun do come; may be huge, or maybe it could be some. But at the end of four years I am sure that you will make a collage; a collage of fun you had, not the hardships you faced.

I am going to make a collage too when I end my fourth year. I am still in the middle of my journey; two more years are yet to go. I wish to live my life to the fullest here. :)

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SCATHE

In your stream of meanings, my being in them has changed. In fake hives where your verity lies, your words for me have changed.

Your bare hands I used to hold, tender and soft, in my bask cajoled. In young gloves of perfidy, yours hold on mine has changed.

For grooves in your hair brown, new fingers you have arranged. In shade of blue in your eyes, impressions of mine black have changed.

In all these time skips, trend on your lips, for my name has changed. Beats for me, the place for me in your heart has changed.

Honey! I am still the same; a harebrained, your lover insane. Every knock on my heart sees you, your existence unchanged.

My arms still lie open, to have you back in them. My lungs lie dormant with smoke, looking for your breathe to inhale, to grasp your love unchanged.

I care not where you have reached; I am still there where you left. I am waiting for you in my life deranged, caressing my angel, in your photo unchanged.

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