Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Saturday, August 16, 2014

While it rained...


My eyes used to take me till the horizon where a distant tree met the marshy land. I could see people, though scarce in number and outspread on the field, working as farmers for the crop…The crop that would feed them and us. I witnessed how their hard work benefited us, they made grains available for ourselves to buy. Then, I wondered that someday my hard work would help others too.

Interlaced with their sweat, rain washed the land. They ploughed and ploughed, till the land was ready to produce. In the uninterrupted pelting of rain, maverick birds flew through the wind…Some flew against, while some steered along with the wind.  I felt caged with all my defects in the small room at the roof, while children played outside. It was water here and there, and everywhere.

I heard happiness. I saw it too. I saw secrecy in the ambience where each one conspired for a productive tomorrow. Farmers, birds, children, trees, and the God, they unified themselves below the pouring cloudy sky. I felt caged, but they enjoyed. They enjoyed themselves to the fullest, mocking me of the pitiful captivity I was in. Real chains were not necessary, my own thoughts of my defects had made me a slave.

After clouds faded off slowly into the pitch black and while the rain continued, a wise owl obliged me by resting at my window. I don’t remember when my eyes closed and how I leapt into the house of a farmer. But before I could have completed my play with their children, the owl woke me up. He said that he has come to my rescue, to unchain me. ‘The key to your chains is in your point of view’, he said.

The next day was different. I heard happiness and I saw it too. But I became a part of the ambience now. Farmers, birds, children, trees, me, and the God, everyone unified themselves below the pouring cloudy sky, and we conspired for a productive tomorrow. The gloom of grey in surroundings was changed, because my point of view was changed. Keys to the most endured locks lie within us.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

A House at the Grange

Since ages I haven’t been asleep in the lap of insouciance. It has been so long since I was at my home, the place where I grew up. In the ‘Nest’ of ‘Love’, my childhood bloomed. Where birds came and lived and became part of my evening plays, that is my home.

Every morning it was chatter of birds in balcony that woke me up. Their tore up feathers I collected, and preserved them so I could remember them even after they left. Tickle of my small fingers on the feathery head is still afresh in the memory. Where I lived lovingly, that is my home.

By the shade of the back wall in the compound, I recited poems in the afternoon. I weaved stories and played my role with conceit. Mamma’s words went unheard and my plays continued in the blazing sun. Where life was carefree, that is my home.

I don’t wish to win the rat race now; I set myself free from all the responsibilities. I want to travel to the place that soothes me with belongingness. I want to soak myself in the rain of memories from my childhood. Where I will heal myself, that is my home.

Photographs were shot by Canon SX150, Point and Shoot camera. If you liked the photographs, please like the Facebook page

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Treasure of Love

This world is a treasure; a treasure that not only has the wealth of love, but wraths of Satan too. Love and Hatred, these two can define each thing and everything that we find on Earth. What definition will mean correctly to us that depends on our state of mind and the essence of time. This world has everything. It’s just that each one of is differently abled and the extent of our sight is accordingly limited. Some can see and feel more while others may lie short and complain. What I can see in the treasure, it’s not necessary that everyone will be able to see. Likewise, what you may discover that might lie unnoticed by me forever. The one who has the limitless extent of sight, that’s the Almighty. And he is the only one, and none other than him is supremely abled. But whatever I can see, whatever you can see, either Love or Hatred defines them. And at one time, only one of the two exists. We need to look closely, and we will find that either we love or we hate. No state other than these we can rather be in.

All of us seek for love. Even if we impart hatred, we seek for love. With everyone of us seeking for love, stealing it indecisively, the treasure is going short of love. The amount of hatred continuously being imparted is making its amount in the treasure stupendous. 
Do you know why did Uncle Scrooge stop swimming in treasures? He was disappointed of skimming over colossal hatred in treasures everywhere. His own treasure at Duckburg that had only Love and no hatred, got stolen long ago.  From all corners of the world, Love is vanishing.

Law of conservation is the call of the time. If you seek love, remember you need to give the same amount of love back to this worldly treasure. Those who don’t pay back this world with love are selfish. And those who seek love, but deliver hatred, they are sons of Satan. To continue to make this place worth living we need to overpower selfish-ers and satan-ers. The early we wake up and realize, better the impact can be brought. 
Love is precious. And there is no alternative for it like we have for coal. Let’s stay human, and continue to spread love.


spread love save earth

Saturday, May 3, 2014

If Earth were a cube...

The morning started differently today. Though not at peace, but the weather had calmness in it. As I came near the window of my room, a narrow gush of wind succeeding through the blocks of our hostel from where timid wind rarely coursed caressed my face with the calmness it had. The calmness I always intended to have in me. But the peace is yet to come. Even the weather is not at peace. I can’t see trees from here, but the hasty clouds flowing and roaring above assure that the party outside has started. The dance of trees on the tunes of weather I miss by sitting from here. But the wakeless imagination takes me to every corner of this world. The Earth is round. But in my imagination it’s a cube, the one similar to Rubik’s. It was dismantled initially… it was in form of separate small cubes. The Almighty mantled them in form of a giant cube and gave each of its face a different color. Tiny cubes are sliding away, discombobulating the original structure. What will happen if the earthly cube is completely riddled again?

I stand on a podium, somewhere on a constituting cube and I see in front of me the life I lived so far. I can see till the edge from where it all started. If I go beyond that edge, I will fall off; disappear from this world like I never existed before I was born. I was born 22 years back and my journey started from that edge. Standing from here I can see places where I had been, people whom I met, and transformations I went into. I remember every smell that soil breathed out into the air when rain stroked. I remember the warmth and calmness in the weather that came with every season. I remember all illusions, delusions and in them my mere imaginations. I correlate with nature and its effects on me. Tides of time navigated me on an interesting journey, and at every instance made me aware of making out the path by my own. Others came and helped me improve in many ways. They refined me into a more professional and a mature person. I accepted all courses life had to teach me…Because I wanted to be a better person…I wanted to be a perfectionist.  

Turning myself back, I am moving towards the opposite edge now gradually. The footsteps will continue to advance till the destiny lets me. Although valleys on both the sides haunt me, prevent me from moving by inculcating the terror that I will fall off and vanish. But to have faith and do my part, I have learnt this from mom. I will someday stand at some another constituting cube of this giant earth and look back again. Reminiscing the past and agonizing a better me soothes me with satisfaction. At some another podium I will revert and contemplate how many small cubes I have covered. I forgot to mention, the face of cube where I lie is blue. I love blue.

if earth were a cube
The edge where I am headed to, what color shall I meet at the brink? I wish to meet yellow. The yellow has energy of the sun, and its life giving traits. I have night’s calmness, the one you witness on the starry night sky at beaches. The brief meeting at the edge before the two of us will fall off would be beautiful. :)


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Calling Humanity

Once upon a time, there existed a land of Gods. The emblem of an ancient civilization, it was the kernel of culture with enormous values. That country was where love dwelt, the art grew, and harmony existed among people of different tastes. Its rare spices added an unforgettable flavor throughout the world.

But then there came an epidemic. An epidemic which diseased more than half of the population of that country. Gods had already departed from their homeland long ago, they left the remaining humans to trample in the waves of epidemic. Many waves came, and they kept spoiling the population. With consecutive spoliation, the ancient glory started to fade off. Love, harmony, peace, and humanity, they all started to pine away. That country now is at the verge where humanity ceases to exist inside people and their ruthless facets rule. The epidemic is killing us with its effects. A new culture has evolved which is the manifestation of this epidemic.

Today’s politics, the corrupt leaders, and their corrupt governance, these come much later. Before we comment on this why shouldn’t we contemplate where has the humanity at each individual level gone? Is it now a mistake to expect a person to behave humanly, and should we apologize for expecting this? Whatever views you may lay upon this, I personally believe that indeed that’s a mistake to expect of some humanity. From big cities to small towns, the new culture dominates now. Lets not talk of what big portion of the country has gone affected by the waves of this inhuman epidemic, and try to realize how less is left from being affected. In this epidemic what not is coming up on the population as its effects. Rape, abortion, child abuse, child abandonment and what not. Daily newspapers after advertising the Lotus and the common man’s hand, only mentions of these effects on the people. By the people, on the people, each day there is a new ruthless tale to read. Read, sympathize, and forget.

Like the way waves of this epidemic comes, waves to stand up for change and bring a revolution comes too. The only difference is that the epidemic’s waves never leave but waves to stand up for change and bring a revolution come and go. The churn to speak out on this issue came inside me after having watched 'Thanks Maa', directed by Irfan Kamal. I know the churn will subside soon, because like many I have grown a tendency to get used to and to move on. But I will never forget the inhuman sides of people now.

I own a very little knowledge about politics and the way it works, but I get to have at least the feel of what’s going on good and what’s not. And this post is not about the politics, it’s about social evils created by the people that exist around us. Those who have watched ‘Thanks Maa’, they would relate to this post quite easily. The movie focuses on the issue of child abandonment. One can easily make out from the movie that how much degradation has incurred to humans, and how they have been adding other evil as well into the society. At many scenes I kept saying to myself, ‘Oh God, no not this.’ Irfan Kamal through his movie has made his audience shiver terribly by some brutal depictions of truth published in the newspapers. Having watched those scenes in the movie was atrocious. It has been rightly said by someone that both heaven and hell exists on this earth.

If we try to mend our own localized holes, slowly we would find that the whole of the unified garment has been restored. The garment which covers all of us its underneath, needs to be refurbished. We can’t survive in the nakedness. The humanity is expected from each one of us. And to expect this should never be a mistake.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

To be who you are...

‘Be who you are…’ I have come across this as a teaching in many books, numerous articles on the internet about self-improvement, as well as in the movies. I have no doubt on this that it is an instinct which successful ones had in them. Even in the book ‘The Winner Stands Alone’ by Paulo Coelho, the message has been delivered to stick to the original in you and you will stand away from the crowd but on the right track towards success. And this notion somewhere suffice to comply as a trait and add up with many other traits that a winner possess.  

But I seldom confuse myself. This may be because of not having much experience in life, or may be because I am not able to understand the message in the aforesaid line completely. I confuse whether the statement is conditional. Secondly, I don’t doubt on the statement but I perceive that the statement alone is not solely correct. I believe that I need to look into priorities, I need to judge what is right and what is not, and I need to foresee the outcome of my actions before I apply ‘To be who I am.’

Our mind is a factory of thoughts. Many thoughts produced go overlooked while many others make us contemplate. And I contemplate and I find I cannot be entirely who I am at all instances. I need to look if my team-mates are not being offended as a result of my strict nature towards achieving quality performance. I need to get a bit flexible to allow everyone to perform together, happily. I don't like to talk much, but when I am on the job as a salesman I need to be expressive, patient, and talkative. Stupid examples they may sound, but to me they are like few of instances out of many where I cannot be simply who I am. I need to look into other parameters like my priority, foreseen outcome of my actions, or to be say simply in a profitable position. To be who a drug dealer is, or a criminal mastermind to be what he is, that’s completely wrong and that cannot be preached. Wrong doing and right doing, and our ability to judge them, drives what we want to be and what we should be. The statement ‘To be yourself’ is a culmination of attributes that blend our stand in our lives. It stands above all in the hierarchy of self-improvement traits. When all traits below have been considered, then only the top one can be fetched, and that adds a whole lot of meaning to the statement itself. 

Life is not entirely about me and myself. I am just one of the person on this planet, which is just one of the planet of this unfathomable universe. To the life as I see, I don’t find there is anything that lies at the elemental level solely with all the importance. Life is all about totality, various constituents of it combining together to form a meaning. You add two independent things and we get a meaningful thing, you add two meaningful things and that would yield a third meaningful thing. Likewise, to be who I am, that signifies to its truest meaning when all forms of traits combine together. All those traits together would define me what truly I am, or what I choose to be. 

 I am alone
Image courtesy: Google Images Search

Monday, October 14, 2013

Puja in Phailin

Durga Puja Patna


Vijaya Dashmi, the symbol of victory of good over evil, has gone off the hood of festivity, and it seems the zeal has weakened among the wide span of people. Nine days of festive mood took the turn otherwise and led the grudge sprawl across the eastern India in form of cyclone Phailin. Other than the major devastation which the devil with more than 200kmph speed caused in Andhra Pradesh and Odisha, now decreased at the speed of 45-50 kmph is moving across Bihar and affecting the region with heavy rainfall. The end to these nine days of celebrations, bestowed with offerings in form of vrat and worship, will result into a dull day full of hopelessness in a closed room was never expected by me.

It has been more than 35 hours, proper supply of electricity has not been restored in Patna. Last night we compromised with no electricity and scarce supply of water left in our tanks. Today too, with two hours of electricity only, the compromise continued. I have made a notion, which at this situation seems so apt. ‘The Good has certainly stopped winning over the Bad.’ :D Unburnt residuals of giant Ravana at Gandhi Maidan today in this weather, might infer the same. :P

5 years back, those days when I was still in school, the zeal for Puja used to be different. The height of festivity was not only high for me, but I could sense that among the masses on the road too very easily. Time has changed now, interests have been manipulated. I roamed half of the Patna on Maha-Ashtami, but couldn't find the essence that still lingers at the back of my mind. Where has the honesty crept in? Why do the rituals at the front appear superficial on the thick coat of disguise?

In the state/nation where the status of women is jeopardized, I am confused why so much of pom-pom for Durga Puja? On Navmi ( the ninth day of Durga Puja), the devotee invites Kunwari Kanya (maiden) to feed them as a ritual which completes the nine days of worship. Whats the need for such a falsification outside, when no respect and dignity stays inside. Be it a regular day, or within the crowd of Durga Puja on the road, eve-teasing and illicit comments are very much common. The intentions in the eyes and glances itself tell the whole story. I pick up my previous notion and refine it a bit. ‘The Good is not left to the extent that it can win over the extolling Bad’.

Electricity is yet to come. It’s raining hard outside. The laptop power I saved is almost over now.  
I pray everyone stays safe, and for them who suffered the blows of Phailin in Andhra and Odisha may get rehabilitated soon. I pray the mother to bestow kindness, and help us stay honest to ourselves.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Dream-Catchers



Dreams are moving pictures developed in our subconscious, and triggered to display before us, irrespective of our state which could be asleep, or awoken. Is it necessary to go asleep before you can visualize the longing of yours? Those subdued desires clenched under strands of incompetence, helplessness? From the pool of wants, even though fraction volume of it gets fulfilled somehow, but that doesn’t helps to lessen the occupancy of the mysterious container…

I narrow my vision, and broaden it at places, and conclude collectively, however big or small dreams be, we run after it physically or mentally. It accounts for the efforts that are laid, and its efficiency, which ultimately makes you the achiever or let you stay a dreamer in turmoils. At this juncture I wonder, what about those dreams, that can turn into reality with efforts of letting no stones unturned, but it gets targeted by some who bear an objective to demolish the success that might result of those efforts. I dream, they dream too. Is it the clash of dreams? Or is it the clash of wants? Is there a midway between Dreams and Wants which separate them as the two different entities?

Monday, September 23, 2013

Brain-sick's Diary >> Positivism

Life has been a chaotic drama lately, with numerous self-realizations and self-discoveries. I have turned more rigid and endured against harshness. Yes! The heat was rising drastically and it burnt me like hell, but I need to stand in the kitchen. As Harry S Truman said, ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. Escaping is never a solution, it takes courage to face it and make your way through it.

I have started to read a lot. Earlier, I used to hang around with friends or used to tread down alone on the roads of Durgapur, composing short stories and poetry. But now, I read a lot in my room, and this has been the time when most of the self-realizations and self-discoveries have started to come up. How much goodness does the reading habit brings for you, I got to learn. I read two books by Dale Carnegie within past two weeks; ‘How to speak Effectively’ and ‘How to stop worrying and start living’, while ‘How to win friends and people’ I am still reading. It has helped me a lot to improve myself in terms of perceptions that I used to have earlier about ‘friends’, ‘people in general’ and ‘relationships’ that human kind has to offer to you. Most of the problems in our lives are not the serious ones, as Carnegie said, ‘We suffer only from minute problems the most, and tend to overlook the bigger part of our happy life’. Why should we go on spoiling the only life we got because of few tiny pinching agents that life brought in for you?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Rain/Rein of Corruption...


When did it start, how did it start?… It must have been initially a sole betrayal against morals of an individual. Gradually over the tides of time the spoilt soul would have propagated and infected other saint blood with its fangs. And the consequence is the deadly disease that we have carried over to this century, to our generations, and it’s certain to get carried over to the upcoming offsprings too. What disease is this? Corruption!

This disease, incurable in terms of any revolution that failed on its objectives, seems to have jabbed down its teeth into every organization working at present. This organization not just lies in the realms of society working under private or government ownership, but I am also talking of the organization that one manages within oneself. To me, a person is also an organization which works under the principles and as per the objectives laid down by him. The mode of leadership against oneself is however self-controlled, guided by the juices flowing in one’s head. We, the tiny organization carrying within ourselves, form the grass root level of any big enterprise. When the foundation is corrupt, how cannot the entire enterprise?

Each day starts with betrayal, with a sense of deceit somewhere. Look at yourself, look around you, are you able to segregate completely from the web of corruption? Corruption is like a big tanker installed at the city top, filled up to the brim by us with acid of mild nature but of consistency to decay us slowly. I am afraid, but it rains over the entire city 24x7, all 365 days.

Take a little time out of your schedule, and think of the journey you made so far… How much do you calculate your contribution in the tanker full corruption to be? We can comment, satire and abuse the politicians, but they are used to it. There is no good in doing that. Human cells get mutated easily, and so have politician's, and hence they never feel the guilt and shame. Instead, we should try to mend the loopholes in organizations within ourselves. This is the only option to work upon, and that can fetch substantial results.

Why is the life of human so greedy? Does human race need to start learning from other animal races all over again?


Image Courtesy : Google Images Search


Saturday, March 30, 2013

Confessing Secrets


I have been admin of several literary Facebook pages which deal with art and presentation of artistic talents. Fortunately, I happened to be one of the co-admin of a confession page on Facebook lately. I am amazed to see the rising popularity of that confession page which is subduing the popularity of any other page on Facebook. The confession page I am currently seeing, where I was asked by one of my senior to manage as the admin, is currently getting approximately twenty confessions each day. I am surprised to see the number of likes which has crossed the mark of 800 today, and this figure was achieved within a span of two weeks since the page was formed. This is a reason for enviousness as I am also looking after my own Facebook fan page which has hardly got 520 likes and that too in this period of two years. Moreover pages like BCET Bloggers and Facebook page of our college’s Tech-cum-Cultural fest, which is being managed by me again, has hardly turned out to be this popular. Reasons?

It is the desperation of being pulled together and expressing what they never dared to say to the opposite genders. I won’t get biased on any side, I am just presenting my sole reactions on seeing the database of confessions we are receiving. And I can see, that we are getting equally sincere confessions from the both sides. At this juncture, I wonder, why are people so tempting towards spilling out their hearts about their love concerns? If they wanna spill their heart out then isn’t there anything else that they would like to share and contemplate about?

I get to learn something from this. If you want to get popular on social media then you would have to project your actions and plan your way out through advertisements in such a way that it relates with the 'attracting phenomena' of opposite sexes. And certainly yes, to a very large extent this is correct. You can see how almost every advertisements on television are now being presented and screen played. They resemble your love life somewhere or the world of your love-fantasy or may be about the broken love life of yours. These three things I should say are working as the three chief dots which draw the big popularity triangle.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Open Window...


(Click on Image to Enlarge)

On closing my eyes, I fill thick brooded meshes in my lungs with air… I hold it for a while, pushing it a little further, until I can hold it no more. Freshness sprouting outside my open window descends deep down into me… Perhaps, its spring; I can see through the open window, trees ladened with new leaves and buds; birds chirruping, squeaking around in happy-playful mood. Jolly squirrel nests on the tree too, jumping from branch to branch. Sometime they stop by at the open window, staring at my partially lit face.

Can I be ever free? I have been captive under chains of my psychotic mind. Along every perspectived dimension in my mind, there jolts clumsy curiosity; the curiosity to arrive at a clue to freedom, a way to cut bars in the open window, to dissolve the tiny autumn within me and dilute it into the sprawling spring outside.

Tools made out of elemental love, I have used enough. Adamant chains tied around my torso don’t listen to them. In the environs of spooky silent nights, my imaginary friend visits me. He preaches to carve my tools out from hatred, assuring the success on blood soiled chains. Morally fed soul of mine ravages at this juncture; it still trusts in love, although yet to recover from past injuries bought in the love’s conspiracy.

The sunlight is warm, grazing over green trees outside the open window. At a certain time of the day, the Sun bathes my dark pestered room, throwing a shine of hope on my face. It’s the time when my friend in my shadow visits me. He shares his thoughts with me, conjuring me about life; What is life?

As the Sun rises up in the sky, friend in my shadow recedes, and he is away when its all dark again. He left me a note yesterday… When the Sun was bathing me in a spotlight of hope today at its time, I read the note:

“Life is beautiful outside your open window. Free yourself from the chains that never physically existed. Free yourself from the captivity laid by chains of your diverse mind. I am waiting, outside your open window….                                                  -Anshul"

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Brain-sick's Diary #3 >> Cold Emotions

I am swimming in a pool of thoughts. In a silent room, doors closed, panes in windows shut, and lights from my laptop screen is the only source; unveiling a part of my face, more of my hands on the keyboard. With denial of connection somehow with brains, here is something my heart wants to spill out. Its my birthday today. And I am wondering, why did the God select me for my mom. Could this not have happened that some other baby was lucky enough to get into my mom’s womb? Why it was me?
There are questions that are unanswerable. Then I wonder why do such questions have to exist, when answers to them are never found. My mind throttles deep down into such thoughts, mesmerizing me with unanswerable questions.
On my headphone, its Coldplay playing… 'Fix you'.


‘When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse…
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?’

How true this song is. I cant explain the sufferings, affection that got killed, in course of events that I faced and left them behind on my timeline. But somewhere, I lie struck in reverse. Is the past so dear that we tend to overlook the pleasant and optimistic present? The formidable past, that’s what heart believes, keeps poking from under the veil of sewn stitches. 

It has been quite a span, and I haven’t come up here with a post that’s significant. It was this song by Coldplay, that pushed my fingers onto the keyboard, and pinned down emotions of abstract blend on my blog.

I have been busy with my work, my college, my tries at photography and in mesh of complex thoughts. But I expect to come back here with colors in poetry… 


Thursday, December 27, 2012

Photo-Snippets -> 'Bird of Passage'




I am a wanderer
Lost in the wilderness
Off the desolated road,
Into the sprawling realms.
On the brink, 
At the edge of my life,
The road will project me
Into an outer space where
Nix will be emotions.
I expect to meet someone
In that absolute emptiness;
My ultimate pacifier.
That shall end my Journey,
My never meandering.


Monday, December 24, 2012

Brain-sick's Diary #1 >> Expectations


“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”
I read this quote somewhere on Internet. I was trying to join my friend’s fan page, but some cross-links came forward and carried me away from Facebook. I transfixed my eyes, shook my heart, as the words started crawling in multiple spheres of my mind.
What’s wrong with it? The quotation just screamed out the truth!

How can human sustain without expectations? This was the food for my thought on my way back to home from our nearest grocery store.
If I purchase a packet of biscuit, I have some expectation about its taste.
Even the old lady at store expects me to come back again for some more shopping. I can read from sparkles in her eyes each time she bids me bye. How can one say that they hate expectations.

I kept walking tardily, my feet freezing and denying any movement further. But it was stringent thoughts which kept my mind busy, obscured from wants of my legs. I entered my house, even forgot to close the door. I was back to my senses only then when my mom started chiding upon me for not having purchased some butter. She chided some more when her hairs started to swirl and ruffle from the strong cold wind that came through the open door.
I looked back at the open door. I realized, there is always some purpose behind every instance. The Butter! I knew it wont be easy, but I must go. I slammed the door from outside, and it banged.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Brain-sick's Diary #2 >> If I were a Bird



It has been harsh these days. Weather has been behaving strangely. The sun is shy to come out, and has lost somewhere. Probably it has its own chores to sort out. I can see how the clouds have been troubling him. And there has been rain which was not anticipated, at least not at this time of year. Flowers in my garden, with feeble colors on their petals, are showing their miseries. I can do nothing other than watching them wither in cold. It pains to watch them die; flowers I had gardened with all my care.

Even the birds have migrated. Who is going to look after their homes now? I watch them fly together, flapping their wings slowly in distant sky, sometimes showing up, sometimes hiding behind clouds. Among the flock, I try to find the one, who is lonely. It may be because I want someone to resemble me. I look for my existence in them. The bad side of me, and a little good in me, I appraise each one minutely. In books, I read, living life with too much care and precautions is certainly not a good lifestyle. We should be carefree, and joyous. We should never look back in the long race we are running in. These are what books on ‘Art of Living’ say.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Sneaky Tales : Rejection


I always wake up, and my breath becomes heavy. As of now, I am still feeling heavy, as tattered notes from the last dream come across my mind. And for past four years, waking up, and facing the reality has actually hurt. The cold realization, that I am still there, from where everyone else moved away, sets inside me slowly. I am not fond of waking up. And I tend to sleep, even when I am not asleep. Waking up from your dreams, and waking up from your sleep, I take these two things separately. I have set my own ways of treatment with them.

I am afraid, but optimistic locutions don’t impress me. Whenever I have tried to apply them, they have lead me to nowhere but lost away in vain. Why do people greet the day with smiles? Are they escaping from the simple truth? Today is a cold reminder. It’s one day later than yesterday, one year later than last year. And sooner or later, the destined one will come. But I dare not express these. I need to polish myself each day, so that I may not yell out everything that I have kept inside.

I have been a heap of thoughts and convicted feelings that bring me rejection. Rejection has been a part of my life, and I faced it more than acceptance. The one writing this is the real one. It takes me sometime, each day, to turn what I am in front of people. It takes courage to hide the storm inside you. And once you have spilled out the storm, you ruin your relationships. I have ruined mine. I have untied all the knots that used to bind me. People won’t like to get drenched in your stuffs that don’t suit them.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Footmarks



Strolling down the streets has turned a habit. New faces carrying distinct story behind them swivels across me. I tend to escape, I tend not to allude.  I wander to fetch something that I lost long way back. Last road bend and the diversion had already behaved strangely. It deluded me to a secluded traversal path that even the demon didn’t bother to sculpture on anyone's fortuned engravings.

I am searching if my story intersects somewhere with someone’s. Someone’s strange might mingle with stranger mine and we would wander together, in the lonesome streets; sometimes greener and sometimes derelict. Footprints and scribbling on the rocks give me power to move on. For I know through them, that someone made their way through it. Did they succeed? I shall walk till the finals to know if their exists scribbling on some rocks there too.

I will throw some initials. I will leave impressions on trunks to make the path easy for the followers. My footprints will be large and clearer.  I look back to confirm, no one I see. May be they will be lost somewhere. If their story intersects with mine, my left impressions will simplify the puzzle. 

Time has been ticking….each drop falling swiftly, trailing down the cheeks. Purest form, but insanity along and my footmarks are moving towards the finals.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

People (A Techie's Insights)


May be then he was different. He doesn’t seem to me the same what I earlier used to percept. But still dominated by his sick habits, he is antagonistic to me. These factors twisted me, and carried me away finally…

I used to be a loner then. Probably he is now. I am always surrounded with people nowadays. I am successful in keeping myself willingly busy in my routines and subroutines. 

Being a computer science student, my daily plans tend to get affected by sub routines. A halt to current process and acknowledgement for some current subroutine invocation rearrange my entire day. I am not a CPU literally where ALU and CU circuited to build the best performance. However I fight to beat the best, no matter what the end result turn out to be. Machines are what we program them to do; they abide and revolt quite a few times; rarely. We are turning into a machine itself this way, always wishing for the result that we seem to have programmed for ourselves. The real times existence and realization of true conditions are still well perceived and interpreted by humans only; and not by the puppet replica that we designed to work for us. The stroke of disappointment and clutches of anxiety never lose their tie ups with us. Probably this has turned out as a result of machinery instincts that we have habituated in ourselves. We need perfection and accuracy. I say we need success each time. Deviation from it brings unwanted clouds.

No doubt, I have turned into a machine myself too, but I am an exception here. I seek internet connection before Clouds can play with my life. I will be much happier with my tiny flash drive than to enroll myself in despaired clouds.

Well he is really not just the same. May be my traversal away to a distant far land had brought this change. I recall how MAC killed DOS. How traversal of Ubuntu and other FOSS closer towards us has been pushing Windows out from the scene. The same way he seems to have gone affected too. My program counter keeps ticking and I have been noticing his steps around. Dulcet face, no lit in eyes and a horrible smile to please me.
 
Sometimes updating the extensibility of your software rescues you, but other times a completely different platform may solve your issues. I have complied with the latter. And I can see the effects on my previous roommate. :D 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Satisfaction


How confusing even the planned schema results into. An apple pie I ought to buy, but land feasting sweet corn soup. Its blue I love, and propose to get a new T-shirt in blue, but often finalize it for green. How environment affects sustainability is remarkable. And I am facing it. People I look around, along the corridor of my newly allotted hostel room, potpourri I find; not just with their activities but in terms of their wishes and aims. Aims have no limit, the higher you set it, the higher you work for it. Else just assembling your aims and worshiping them is worth nothing. 
I don’t know people out there are right or not, but they do carry a reasonable explanation for whatever they think of; for whatever their aim is to do after Engineering. Earlier I used to think that deciding the field of study after class Xth is the most crucial decision to make. I was wrong. There is still lot of important decisions to make regarding what to do after our Engineering gets completed. Amount of mentation people lay during the course of Engineering towards their future planning is just unfathomable. I had a clear vision of what I want and what I am working for. But sustainability seems to have gone affected by newly created surrounding here.

I never knew about those research options and institutes that they discussed about. Neither did I figure out what exactly is needed to get there. Probably they didn’t have the answer too. But their explanations were impressive. But I am confused if I am really impressed. Why would I go for research? I have dreamt of working like a workaholic in a higher software firm. Why should I considerate myself by their explanations? Preventing myself and trying to escape from the reality, I blame human nature to be the defaulter. Human has a tendency to get into believing something very soon. And with certain substantiation it becomes a truth for them easily. I think I am a human too.  

Among all irregularities in choices that one makes, among all foliated conceptions that lead an individual on a certain path, there is always one thing common: the end should be above satisfaction. But then, other than this, there is also another important factor that appraises your degree of satisfaction. Had you taken the path that ‘you’ wanted, to reach the ultimate? Were the perceptions 'your own' that you had scribbled permanently inside the real you, to get the ultimate? I still emphasize that self-satisfaction is the most crucial thing. And it is the ultimate goal that we run for. And the penultimate moral I slurped inside is :  there still lies satisfaction in facing the defeat which was by ‘your own’ choice, and not molded by 'others'.